Some weddings pics perhaps?

Random fact # 1. - I used to be a wedding planner.  Some of you know this, a lot of you don't.  One of India's teachers at school who also happens to be my neighbor (I say neighbor but she lives about a mile up the road) is stressing out because her daughter is getting married next weekend and it is some big whoop de doo.  Now if you know where I live, the people around me are not whoop de doo kind of people.  Ok, maybe 2 miles up the road they are, but that is beside the point.  I casually mentioned the other day I knew all about big fancy weddings because I used to agonize over them and didn't have a Friday, Saturday or Sunday, to myself for a long time.  She asked if that is what my wedding to Dave was like, and I shook my head and said heck no!!!  Dave and I are definitely not whoop de doo kind of folks.  I always swore that when I got married it was going to be fun, lighthearted, and easy going.  There would be no big church wedding, hotel ballrooms, or fancy cars to drive off into the sunset in.  It just wasn't us.

So today with it being Friday, and a little bit more time on my hands, I thought I would have a little fun reminiscing about our wedding.  Some of you I didn't know back then, or some of you perhaps never saw our pictures because you live in a kingdom far far away.  So grab a bottle of wine, curl up on the couch, or play hooky from work and enjoy.

I knew from the first night I met Dave I would marry him.  Not sure why or how I knew.  I can't explain it, but I just did.  I would have married him that next day.  I was also not the type of person to sit around planning my wedding.  I didn't do this as a little girl either.  In fact after I was married, I had a hard time signing my new name because it was different.

Not our engagement pic.  We never took one!  Taken 1 month after dating in 1995. 

By the time Dave and I were married we had already been dating for 8 years, bought a house together, were running a business together.  People were beginning to wonder if we were ever going to get married.  When we finally decided to, we knew we wanted to get married at our house.  It had breathtaking Rocky Mountain views, 3 acres of peace and quiet farmland, apple trees to get married under, all ours, and all for free.  Don't worry, we did warn what neighbors we do have and sent over some treats.  :)

We even had 3 days of parties and trips ahead of time for those that were around and in town.  The morning of our wedding Dave and I woke up, ate breakfast, and got ready at our house just like everyday.  People started showing up and we all got ready together.  One of my bridesmaids did our hair and makeup on my bedroom floor.  There would be no big dress full of layers of tulle for me.  Seeing as I have spent half of my life dressed head to toe in the itchy stuff weddings are made of for ballet.  Nutcracker, Swan Lake, Giselle, Le Sylphide, etc. etc.  My dress was made out of silk, and we hemmed it Audrey Hepburn like short but left the train.  That way A. I would not trip over the damn thing, and B. it wouldn't get filthy.

The girls wore sundresses from J Crew, and the boys linen from Banana Republic.  Everyone wore flip flops or sandals.

Random Fact # 2 - My Dad and Mattie walked me down the aisle to the music from The Princess Bride.  My Dad was planned, the dog was not.

You can see how short my dress was here. 

Dave's Dad and a good friend of the family both stood watch over us as we were married.  It was traditional, yet unique to us.  Native American blessings were bestowed and butterflies were released.

We hired the chef from my Mom's hospital to cook the food.  Tom is now pretty famous down in Denver actually and is Italian.  Dave and I are not.  But a big delicious Tuscan country spread seemed fitting.  Classy, not trashy.

So we set up shop in our corral off the back of the barn with lots of umbrella tables in the dirt and made it nice and rustic.  Random Fact # 3. - We stored the ice for the drinks in the large stainless milk storage tank in the barn.

To me a good wedding has great food.  Honestly, no one cares about the centerpieces, or favors, but people remember the food.  And besides, who doesn't like tiramisu?

A friend had a bluegrass band, so they played, and other good friends helped out with the rest of the music, flowers, coordinating, and pictures.  Kids and dogs ran amuck, and there was no drama.  (At least that I know of?)

We kept it super low key, just like we wanted.  People drank, ate, danced, and had a grand old time.  Feasting and merriment was had by all.

Now a days you see so much out there on Pinterest and granted it was 9 years ago.  So yeah, there would have been some decorating things I would have liked to incorporate had I known about them.   But overall I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I hope y'all enjoyed the pictures.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Why not to take your child named India to a World Market store

Thanks to the great Quiche, (the girl not the tart,)  my dogs will be publicly shamed.  She uploaded their picture today and right now they have over 12,000 submissions so we were told to be patient.  Will keep checking back and let you know when twit and twat have their 3 seconds of fame.

In the meantime, I was half asleep and in a hurry this morning getting ready so I managed to only shave one armpit.  I of course found this out the hard way after I had already smeared deodorant all over it, making it even harder to shave.  So I left it and moved on.  Oh well, at least I am not doing anything today that involves lifting my arms over my head.  After all tomorrow is another day Scarlett.

I went to the grand opening of World Market in town today on accident.  I say on accident because I was headed to Sprouts to pick up a jicama.  Yes, a jicama.  Like you thought I was going to say something normal like an avocado?  Ok, I bought those too.  I am making a southwestern salad with black beans and a cilantro lime dressing tonight for dinner and children will eat jicama.  It is white, crunchy, and doesn't taste like anything.  That way I can say I was a good Mommy and made my kids eat their beans and veggies.  I tore the recipe out of a magazine at the Vet's office yesterday since I was there for so long with my unicorn dog.  Anyone else do this?  Please tell me I am not alone.

Anyway, thank goodness I have been to World Market before because it was nuts.  Like 50 people deep 45 min wait at the register nuts.  No thank you.  India got a balloon on the way out, and I decided I could return in 6 weeks once the hype has died down to pick up some Crunchy Biscoff Spread, (Holy Yum,) and Miso & Easy.  I call it "Me So Easy" because, well..... I am immature.  It is basically a squeezy bottle full of miso paste and spices.  You add water and tofu and bam....Miso Soup.  Healthier then ramen.  Sort of.  http://www.worldmarket.com/product/miso-and-easy-original-broth.do?sortby=ourPicks&from=Search

As for India, it is never without a good time with her.  See for those of you who have never been to a place such as World Market, it is basically a global market place that sells stuff from all over the world.   Kind of like Pier One.  A lot of it hailing from the large country the small child happens to share a name with.

While I was looking at some more knobs for the cabinets, she had disappeared down another aisle.  I made the mistake of calling out her name loudly looking for her.  (Yes, I was that Mom today.)  Basically making sure she had not brought down an entire display of pillows or candy.  People pretty much looked at me like I was a schitzo wandering the aisles in a super busy store that sells a bunch of stuff made in India yelling "India where are you?" "Come out come out where ever you are."  "Seriously India, quit hiding."  And to top it off while I was doing this, I did have one sales associate ask me if I needed help with anything.  Of course he did.  I hastily replied I was looking for India, and I was good.  Should have elaborated more, because that poor little college boy proceeded to tell me they had some bedding that was made in India, and that they also had a selection of Indian cuisine packets and sauces if I was interested.

I almost peed laughing, told him I was good, and scooted off quickly.  I had to find her fast because speaking of pee, we are in the thick of potty training and she had on "big girl" panties.  The only reason she disappears is to go poop in a corner somewhere.  Goodness knows that was all I needed to explain to someone.   Can you picture it?  "Wet cleanup on the India aisle please." Probably wouldn't sell much curry or chickpeas after that.  

Off to clean the house and make the salad with the jicama and avocado.  Too bad the only thing that sounds good right now is a piece of toast with that damn Biscoff Spread.  Oh well.....next time.  Preferably with Calla or by myself.

    

Dog Shaming

Do y'all know what dog shaming is?

www.dog-shaming.com

Oh my God!  So freakin funny.  Let me provide you with my own version of dog shaming.

So the sign says "I bit her ear and now I am pissed I can't get the cone off her head." - Dipshit Dingo Dog

 And now a little background.

Rusty and Mattie play.  Ok, actually Rusty plays and Mattie sits there and takes it.  She wrestles back sometimes, but with her being 10 years old and Rusty being 1 yr old, he can be kind of an idiot sometimes.  Ok, he is an idiot 95% of the time.

A week or 2 ago we noticed a small lump inside Mattie's ear.  It has been slightly swelling a bit each day to the size of a silver dollar and was starting to bug her.  So I took her to the vet today, and they told me it was a hematoma.  Which means she has a giant blood blister in her ear.  No big deal right?  Drain it and move on.  Wrong.  Muzzle her, drug her, shave her, drain the blister, give her prednisone, and an antibiotic, a compression bandage, a cone and 2 repeat checks to make sure it doesn't swell up again.  If it fills up with blood again, then she has to have minor surgery to stitch the layers back together.  Great......

Needless to say the Dipshit Dingo Dog is in a major timeout, and is now obsessed with that cone on Mattie's head.   He can't figure out for the life of him what it is, and why she has it on her head.  He also doesn't understand why he can't get it off.  So now I am stuck with a freak of a dingo dog who follows her around constantly.  Meanwhile Mattie just teeters around the house like a drunk sailor staring off into space.  Not sure what they gave her, but it is a damn shame they don't bottle it, and sell it at Target.  Poor Matilda.  :(

  

Something is missing......Oh yeah my brain.

Not sure if any of you are having issues adjusting to the new school schedule?  We are 3 weeks in and I am pretty sure Calla's new teacher and I are probably not going to be exchanging friendship bracelets or Pinterest inspired crayon wreaths and candy filled tumblers by the end of this year.  If someone can enlighten me as to how the hell I am supposed to teach a 1st grader how to spell the words "different" and "sometimes" for a spelling test when she is reading a Dick and Jane style book, it would be much appreciated.  The teacher sent home a list of 25 creative and different ways you can help your child spell.  Numbers 4 and 12 involved shaving cream and pudding.  Really....Are you freakin' kidding me?  And I suppose India is just supposed to sit by patiently in a corner twiddling her thumbs while Calla "neatly" spells the words "America is beautiful" on my kitchen table in chocolate pudding?  Yeah.... RIGHT!  

Not to mention the phone calls I have been getting from people who are like, "Oh Shit!  I just realized it is September and I have been dragging my feet all summer, but can you real quick install a 1000 sq. ft. paver patio in my backyard with a custom made pergola overtop and a stone fire pit and matching pizza oven before my mother in law shows up and realizes I haven't done anything with the place."  Of course they need it by next weekend, and can't understand why in heavens we can't build something like that in that short of amount of time.  

So.....last night I had wine for dinner.  Not with dinner, "for dinner."  Somebody "cough" Dave, decided to get a wild hair and wash all of the windows inside and out earlier that day.  While I did not partake in this project, I went on my own manic filled rage cleaning out cabinets, organizing all of our spices into cute Avery Martha Stewart labelled mini mason jars, and scrubbing all of the baseboards down in the house.   By the end I was too tired to make dinner and the family was just as happy eating edamame and leftovers, so I didn't bother eating myself.  Oh well.  I sure as heck won't starve.

In the meantime...... while I find my head, hide the chocolate pudding from my kids, and attempt not to kill any landscaping or maintenance clients, please enjoy these pictures from the last couple of weeks.

Girls playing nice:)

Twit and Twat not playing nice.  It always seems like such a good idea to bring them along beforehand.

CSU trial gardens.

"By your side" was supposed to be engraved into my wedding ring like Dave's, however it was too small.  So 9 years later I engraved it on myself for our anniversary.  Don't worry, the tattoo artist and I have already discussed options for a nice floral bracelet cover up if we get divorced.

Speaking of tattoos, this is not Dave's head, but it looks like it, and I peed my pants laughing when I saw 

this.  It says "HAIR!"

Gazpacho with steamed shrimp, cucumber and zucchini.  Thank you Pioneer Woman.  I don't even like tomatoes but I ate the crap out of this.  All of it.

Jessica harvesting honey at Liz and AJ's house with a hot knife.

We harvested 8 gallons of delicious honey.  I use the word "we" lightly.  Dave helped scrape in the 115 degree garage while I ate fritos and MouCO cheese under the misters on the umbrella.  

Rockies Game, thank you General Shale Brick for the tickets.

Random shiny forehead picture of me and the girls.  This was taken 2 min. before we ended up posing with a 6 ft. man dressed as a toothbrush on the Delta Dental sponsored jumbo tron tv you see in above picture.  The girls both had mouths full of M&M's.   

Riding bikes and scooters for Makena's birthday.  Obviously the 2 evil looking ones in tutus on the left belong to me. 

Friday night Smores at Horsetooth Reservoir.  Don't worry I had beer for dinner that night.  It goes better with the Smores.
 

Pretty sure the last time I checked, a reservoir was supposed to have water in it.   Oh well, anyone with a pair of metal detectors want to go for a walk?  

Manic rage spice cabinet organizing success.

 Anyone else not getting along with the kid's teacher this year?

What have you organized lately?

Next weekend we are finally tiling the bathroom.  When I say "we," I mean my Dad and Dave.  My sister left a 1/2 full bottle of whipped cream vodka last visit, which means I'll be ready to go for dinner on Sunday.  


 

The circle of life

I was going to post pictures about my anniversary but since I am a week late I might as well wait.

Thanks to some sort of messed up global warming fall is starting to come early around here.  The trees are starting to drop leaves about 2 weeks early because things are so hot and dry, and it is bringing out the worst in predatory animals as well.  The dead mice, bunnies, birds, wasps, hoards of grasshoppers, ants, and the funky beetles are nothing but a daily occurrence anymore.

However the nasty looking hawks stalking my chickens are starting to freak me out.  They circle above the coop and sit in the trees and even on the coop roof stalking them and daring them to come out.  My chickens are smart though, and have their own alarm system.  When one sees a hawk, it alerts the rest by squeaking and screeching loudly.  The next thing you know they all go running back into the coop.  So far today the chickens have been outside only once or twice.

Moving on to the snakes.  Like Indiana Jones, I hate snakes.  I have dreams where killer snakes come and eat me.  The movie Snakes on a Plane would terrify me so much, you would never get me on a plane again if I watched it.  Forget the Zombie apocalypse, I am preparing myself for a snake apocalypse.  Enter our friends the prairie rattlesnakes.  I realize that when you live on the prairie you get snakes.  Now I understand bull snakes.  They look like rattlesnakes, but are not venomous.  They just sort of go about their merry way eating the mice.  The f'n rattlesnakes though are even nastier then the hawks, and I can't handle them.  Why the hawks can't eat the snakes is beyond me.  Today while Dave and the employees were loading up they came across a baby rattlesnake hiding behind some equipment in the shop.  Only about a ft. long and 2 - 3 rattles.  Since all of my employees are farm or ranch kids they get excited about this kind of crap and throw the dead bodies in the back of their pickups to take home.  Fine with me.  Just don't ask me to go get anything out of that building for awhile.

And for the 3rd predator of the day, the Jehovah's Witnesses showed up again.  I of course told them all sorts of lies while my dipshit dingo dog turned into Kujo.  All the while I was on the phone with my irrigation supply distributor who was laughing his ass off in the background at my excuses and told me I was going to Hell.  Thanks.  I am thinking that next time I might hang some of the dead carcasses around here on the front door.  That might make them go away, because the no soliciting, trespassing sign ain't working' folks.

So, as a result I have declared Monday i.e. Labor Day purge day.

Not to be confused with Sunday which is binge and purge day.  Binge and purge day usually occurs after my first company ballet class back after a long summer break.  On Saturday I will squeeze my hiney butt and mommy gut into tights and a leotard.  I will have an awful class because I am old, and will then spend the better half of the class wondering why I am torturing myself, but will push myself anyway jumping around like I am 18.  This will result in me having trouble getting out of bed on Sunday because I am so sore.  And while I am on this downward spiral I will most likely make a huge Pioneer Woman meets Paula Deen inspired breakfast to make myself feel better.  After I binge on all the yummy food, I will remember how I got myself into this situation in the first place and start to feel bad, and remind myself that I need to get it together.  Then I will spend the remainder of the day purging all of the cabinets of bad food and making meal plans that involve kale, peas, rice, and spray butter.  My family loves me during this time let me just tell you.  It's ok, I know I have issues.

Anyway, back to Monday.  On Monday we will purge.  Purge all sort of crap where the snakes can hide.  Wood piles, piles of materials, etc.  I will probably purge a bunch of stuff in the basement too. Hopefully by doing so we can encourage all of the critters to find another home and just go away.

Because I can't handle all this hawk in the tree, and the snake in the shop, and the mouse in the barn, and the missionary on the porch, green grass grows all around and around crap is starting to wear a bit on me.

Any predators hanging out at your house?  They can be animal or your creepy neighbor you pick. :)

XOXO

Old MacDoyle Had a Farm

So la dee da.....  Calla started school on Tuesday.  I kept stressing on Monday that she was supposed to be there and I forgot.  Why they can't just start something on a Monday is beyond me.  

That would be your obligatory first day of school picture.  She kept the hat on all day since it was lightweight.  So stinkin' cute, but i'm biased obviously.  Thanks mom for the outfit.  Calla said it was super duper comfy.  

With the lovely notion that summer was coming to a screeching halt a few weeks ago, we figured we should do more together as a family.  While most people take trips to the lake and or head camping, it just wasn't in the cards.  We did the next best thing.  Headed to the various fairs and festivals in search of animals, corn dogs, and the illustrious Dole Fruit Whip Cart.  Don't know what Dole Fruit Whip is?  Have ya' ever been to Disney Land or World and seen a line line stretched out and winding though half of Adventureland for a food cart that looks like a tiki hut, and may be outside of the "Tiki Tiki Room where the birds all sing and the flowers croon"?? (Ok, I'll stop, you are welcome!) In the tiki tiki tiki room:) That would be the Dole Whip stand.  Too bad they don't drive through the neighborhood with a dingy bell like the ice cream man.  Wait, I don't live in a neighborhood.  Never mind that random thought. 

No Line.  Score!!

It is basically a non dairy low fat yummy treat.  For someone like me who used to work at a place like Ben and Jerry's because it was one of the only places that I wouldn't eat the food (love me food!)  because I am lactose intolerant, non dairy creaminess that doesn't taste like chalk is a bonus.  Pineapple Raspberry Swirl with a side of a hairy tattooed arm.  Again, you are welcome.  

You can even wear a shirt with a pineapple that actually says Dole if you would like to look like a big idiot.  I swear that wasn't planned it just happened, and Dave almost snorted the fruit whip when we realized what I was wearing.  This also explained why the Fruit Whip ladies were laughing at me.  I am used to people laughing at me for no reason, however I couldn't figure out why they ladies were.   Now we know.  

So back to the entertainment.  We hit up the Larimer County Fair, even though we don't live in Larimer County.  Technically we live in Weld, but Larimer is closer and nice.  I guess we'll figure out Weld County one of these days when I force Calla to join 4H so I can be a Stage Mom as she shows her chickens.  That way she can earn a scholarship to "insert expensive college of choice here."  And if I am the Stage Mom, you better believe that chicken cage will be blinged and bedazzled to high heaven and that chicken might have more Aveda styling product in it's "do" then the average $3 chicken shown at the fair.  It will be like Toddlers and Tiaras for chickens.  

We also hit up New West Fest the following weekend.  Both had the fruit whip stand so all was well with the world, and Mama was happy.  Because we all know if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Back to the fair, because I took more pictures there then downtown at New West Fest of the drunk sweaty people.    

 Psst Daddy, can I have a goat?

Just kidding I want a cow instead.  It will make Rusty happy.

This goose was willing to come home with us.  

So was this rooster.  Sorry buddy.  Been there done that.    

 Now that I have my frizzles and silkies, I need this colorful funky chicken.  The funkier and freakier the better.

  

Turkey for me. Turkey for you. :)

Once we were done staring at various animals and drug my Dad out of the alpaca and llama barn, we hit up some of the other festivities.  Thankfully nothing that went up and down or spun all around.  Because the only thing I do at a fair that involves spinning is cotton candy.  I am secretly hoping Calla doesn't grow anymore till she is 12, because then we won't have to endure any of those damn carnival rides until she is old enough to go on them with her friends.  Love my short kid!

  

 Dave found himself a funnel cake and a piece of equipment he seemed to think he needed for work.  Sure honey, I'm sure CDOT would love us driving that thing around the streets of Ft. Collins.  Pretty sure it won't fit into the standard 42" backyard gate either.  I completely understand how quickly it would excavate an area for a patio, but we don't have trailer it would fit on.  Not to mention the monthly payment probably exceeds my mortgage x's 3.

The antique tractors were cool, as was the free bouncy slide in the back.  I told India to stand with Calla so I could take her picture.  She stuck her tongue out at me and told me she wouldn't smile unless I bought her a cow or Daddy that loader.  Ok not really, but knowing Dave didn't have a straight face or smile in pictures from the age of 5-25 I am pretty much doomed.
 

Not my Dipshit Dingo Dog, but someone else's.  This got us thinking that if we work with him he may be able to jump for his tennis ball pretty far next year.  That is if I don't kill him between now and then.  

Have a happy weekend.  We are headed to a birthday party tonight for one of my favorite little nuggets, and have a play date tomorrow with good friends.  Who am I?????

XOXO! 

The Men's Locker Room

Before we get started, this will not be a post about my deceased dog named Isis that my ex boyfriend bought that never lived with him, but always with my parents.  Thank you.  Moving on.

I was feeling a bit crappy about myself the other day.  Now that we aren't working like crazy mad people and things have started to even out as they do every year at this time, I have resumed my daily workouts again.  Whether it is doing a video, heading to a ballet class, or rollerblading at the lake, getting out and doing something for at least 30 min, puts me in a much better mood.  My Mother in Law even told me the other day I looked better.  I still am not convinced seeing as she saw me Tues. after I had not showered for 2 days, had no makeup on, and had jogged 6 mi. a few hours prior.  Gross I know, but we were about to have a pie fight for my Father in Law's birthday, and I kind of didn't see the point.

Yes Virginia I said pie fight.  Doesn't everyone have a pie fight after dinner?

Anyway, I decided to purchase this Isis skyline skort in a pretty turquoise color to motivate me.  http://www.isisforwomen.com/p-699-skyline-skort.aspx?category=bottoms Buying something, especially on sale, always motivates me.  I got mine locally here in town at a store called Jax Mercantile.   Of course for only $20 Dave :)

So I pulled off the tags and took her for a test run.  Literally.  Little did I realize until it was brought to my attention from someone who lives with me, that I looked like I was attacked by the multicolor pack of highlighters I just bought at Target for Calla's school supplies.  Will have to get back to you as to  why a 1st grader needs highlighters???  Here, I took a picture for y'all.  FYI, much brighter in person.

In case you want to join in on this 80's neon party, the tank in "flash" color is from Lululemon, Champion sports bra in "yellow flash" from where else, Target. Evidently "flash" is a popular highlighter color name this season.  Makes me feel like Speedy Gonzales.  However flash is not to be confused with "volt" from Nike, which happens to be the color of the Women's Olympic Gymanstic Team shoes.  Don't ask how I know this.  Just nod your head and say, umm humm ok whatever.

Back to the skort.  This thing is great!  The shorts didn't ride up when I was working out.  The wide waistband sucks you in and covers the badonkadonk.  There was no chafing, and it has a length somewhere between Amish, and the hooker from the gas station a month ago.  It also repelled the dog hair, and washed up great when India puked on it Monday night.  By the way, the people from ISIS for Women have no idea who the hell I am, didn't pay me to write this, and would probably die if they knew my child puked on my dog hair covered clothes and that is why I like them.  I just figured y'all might like to know I found something I liked.

I love the bright color, and it gets me out of my black bottom only rut.  However, I seriously wished I had on all black yesterday afternoon when I accidentally walked into the Men's locker room at the gym.  If you are a man and you were in the room at 24 Hr. Fitness at the time, I am so sorry.  I had just finished up working out and went into what I thought was the Women's locker room (they are side by side) to wash my hands before I picked up the girls.  I was jamming out with headphones on, not paying any attention what so ever, to an a cappella version of Dick van Dyke sings Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  (Again don't ask, it was on shuffle.)  I only saw a dude stuffing a backpack into a locker before I realized I wasn't in the Women's locker room Toto.  No banana hammocks like the Men's Synchronized Diving team were spotted, and I about faced and left before anyone realized I was in there.  Some peopled looked at me strangely coming out.  Thank goodness I was done, and I quickly exited the gym in a "flash" of brightness.  Forget the hand washing, a healthy dose of hand sanitizer in the car was just fine.

So the message for the day?  Buy the skort, but if you have issues not paying attention and randomly walk into places where there might be naked men walking around, don't worry it comes in black!

XOXO,
Me