Friday, July 29, 2011

The Storm, a Short Story Part 1

Once upon a time in a town not too far from most, lived a little girl named Calla and her loyal dog Rusty.  Calla and Rusty loved playing together in the yard outside their little green house.  The yard wasn’t too big or too small it was just right.  005


It had lovely flowers in pots that Calla helped her mom to plant and tend with her own bumblebee water can.  On one side of the yard, underneath the apple trees was a little playhouse and a swing set where Calla and her baby sister India played after dinner on long summer nights.   Calla loved to play on her play set, doing flips and tricks while Rusty hunted through the yard looking for sticks and such to chew on. 


One night after dinner, Calla and Rusty were playing in their yard kicking around the new pink soccer ball Calla’s mom had given her earlier that day.  It was starting to get late.  But since it was summer, and the air was starting to cool off, Calla’s Mom said that she and Rusty could kick the ball for a few more minutes while she gave the baby India a bath.  Her mom also said they weren’t allowed to leave to yard, and Calla was to be a big girl and help her watch Rusty. 

Meanwhile, Calla’s Dad was beginning to notice the air was different that evening.  There was a storm brewing, but this one felt strange.  Something was just not right about it. 

Calla adores her Dad.  She loves to play in his big dark shop.  He keeps a bin full of old tools and wood for her to play with when she is in there.  They make wonderful and magical things with her tools.  Just like the jewelry box they made for her Mom last Christmas out of leftover wood from their wood floor in the house.   Calla and her Dad knew how much her Mom loved their house, so to make it out of the wood floor was a very special sentiment her Dad had said. 

Calla’s Dad had no idea she and Rusty were playing in the front yard.  He thought they were inside taking a nighttime bath.  He began to close things up.  First, he put the family cars in the garage.  He made sure all of the windows were rolled up on the work trucks and the door was locked on the tool trailer.  He checked the barn to see if everything was where it should be.  He worked quickly, because he sensed the storm was moving in fast. 

Back in the front yard, Calla and Rusty were still playing with the pink soccer ball.  When all of a sudden, out of the corner of his eye Rusty spied a bunny and took off running after it.  Now Rusty is still a puppy, and he doesn’t always listen.  Especially when he has a chance to chase a bunny.  Calla tried yelling for Rusty.  But he didn’t come.  She knew she wasn’t supposed to leave the yard.  She also knew that it was her job to take care of Rusty, and that if she didn’t her Mom might get mad.  She too noticed the the wind had picked up.  But she had to find Rusty.  So she went running after him. 

Calla found Rusty down by the old chicken coop on the other side of the property.  Rusty had chased the bunny underneath the coop and was digging to try and get to it.  It was beginning to rain and Calla couldn’t get Rusty to listen or leave the silly bunny alone.  She knew they were too far from the house to make it back before the really bad weather came down.  So she picked up Rusty and used the old key hanging by the door to unlock it and let themselves in.  Inside, the old coop smelled musty, and it wasn’t the cleanest.  It hadn’t been used in many years for chickens, but it was dry.  Calla looked around at her surroundings.  There was leftover furniture that someone had stored among the old chicken feeders, and broken tools and pots stashed in a corner.

She looked outside the window.   There was hail starting to hit the side of the old coop, and thunder shook the little building each time it boomed.  Calla had never heard such a thing and started to get scared.  She climbed up on one of the old couches and snuggled close into Rusty’s fur.  Her Mom always told her that whenever she was scared to close her eyes and think about happy things and she would feel better.  Calla shut her eyes and thought back to a few moments before when she was playing in the yard with Rusty and her new pink soccer ball.  She thought about all of the baby bunnies that lived in her yard and how cute they were despite eating all of Dad’s nice green grass.  The next thing Calla heard was silence.  As soon as the storm had come it, it had gone out, or so it seemed.   

Calla slowly opened her eyes.  She was surrounded by bright clean white walls, and was no longer sitting on a dusty couch, but on a clean bail of straw.  In the corner of the room Rusty was busy lapping up some water out of a funny looking container.  When all of a sudden a chicken popped its head out of a little box and said to Calla, “now just what kind of chicken are you?”

To be continued………

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao....I mean India.

Am I glad this week is over?  Yup!  Am I looking forward to India's appointment today to have the blood drawn?  Nope. 

When I was pregnant anytime I had to have a test done for some dumb reason it was always scheduled on a Friday even if I had an appointment on a Wednesday prior.  Made my BP out of control the whole weekend till the Dr. called on Mon to tell me everything is fine.  Just ask my friends and family that had to deal with me through waiting until Monday for them to tell me my first pregnancy was actually ectopic and that I would need to get my ass to the hospital stat for surgery.  Could have told me that on Friday ya think?  Wasn't pretty.  Even though I made the appointment for India for today, I had to make it knowing that because there is a large batch of kids being retested, we won't know the results till late next week at the earliest anyway.  For those of you who may be new to what I am talking about you can read it here :  And just because it is Friday we won't relive it. 

Anyhoo, I love the little snot tons.  Even though I complain about her to no end sometimes, and threaten to replace all of my living room furniture with patio furniture and concrete floors just so I can open the doors and hose the whole house down to clean up after her and her new accomplice Hoover. Hoover (Rusty) can't contain himself and might just pee a little with excitement when she busts out the box of Rice Krispies.  Because he knows she is about to dump the entire contents on the floor.  And no, I don't buy Rice Krispies for the kids.  I needed them to top a grits casserole.  mmmm.....fluffy, cheesy grits casserole. (Sorry, Homer Simpson moment)  Because besides Fruity or Cocoa Pebbles is there really a messier cereal?  

She has many personalities, hence the name of the title.  You can probably figure out we aren't having a Tony Randall, Barbara Eden Western movie marathon around these here parts.  It is more like Elmo vs. Mickey, or Storage Wars vs. So You Think You Can Dance. 

So I thought I would show you just what I am dealing with on a daily basis.  You can add in your own captions.


And let us not forget the everyday India

Uggs that are way too big and no pants.  Unfortunately what you can't see is the leftover cherry juice all over her face and hands.  The guacamole on the front of the night shirt, and pen drawings all over her legs.  Yup, this is how she rolls! 

I am off to clean up whatever Rice Krispies the dog missed, and figure out how to use the new Nike Training Club app on my phone.  (More about this free amazing training tool next week. )

And, as they say at Disneyland - "Have a Magical Day!" 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Trespassers will be shot

So for those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you will know I have been ranting about our ongoing issue with people dropping by the house randomly during the day wanting to sell me crap.  Or the Jehovah's Witnesses trying to save my poor heathen soul.  The sellers range from people who have framed aerial photos of the property taken 4 or more years ago, to some sketchy looking dude in a beat up pickup truck selling mystery meat out of a large Igloo cooler in the back.  The photo wouldn't have been bad, but it included 1/2 of my neighbor's property and all of the unwanted HOA lots behind us.  Stupid.  Too bad I don't get any visits from the Girl Scouts.  I could use a Thin Mint right about now.  Oh, who am I kidding, I could use an entire sleeve of Thin Mints.  Whatever is getting old, especially since it is so hot these days and if the baby and I don't feel like wearing pants in the front yard, then so be it.  It is part of the reason we moved to the country.  Privacy, and so I can run around 1/2 naked of course.  

So I trekked it to Wally World earlier this week to the Hunting Dept. to find a sign to hang on our driveway gates that says "TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT"  No big deal, especially out here.  I figured for sure they would have one.  Um, no.  In fact the hunting guy laughed at me and sent to the Home Improvement section to see what they had.  He said it wouldn't be ethical of them to sell a sign like that at the store.  I said it is Wal Mart after all, didn't corporate get the TPS report about all of the types of interesting people that shop at Ye Olde Mart, and might be in the market for a sign like that?    He was not amused, and didn't know what a TPS report was and then proceeded to ask if there was anything else he could help me find like a pink hat that said Winchester perhaps?  I laughed, thanked him for his time and wheeled it over to the lock and paint section.  The signs they had were super generic and ranged from BEWARE OF DOG, to GARAGE SALE.  They didn't exactly have the message I was looking to portray.  So, I decided to pick up a can of paint and headed home to make my own damn sign. 

Well when I got home, I couldn't find anything to paint that wouldn't look too ghetto.  I was thinking more shabby chic Martha crafty or vintage knock off Pottery Barn looking.  A friend suggested an old tire, but the only spare tires we weren't using that I could find were lawn mower tires.  They were only big enough to write F#%$ YOU, or GO AWAY, on.  Well needless to say when Dave came home and saw me with a can of spray paint, he knew I wasn't doing a craft project with the kids.  He nixed the tire idea, and told me just to go back to Hell Mart and pick up the same sign all of our neighbors up and down the street have. 

BOO!  :(  So Boring.  Besides no one abides by these.  It needs to get the point across.  Dave said he didn't want any more attention drawn to the house considering we are hanging out in the front yard with no pants on in the first place.  

Oh Well.  So far this week no one has showed up.  So we shall see. 

For those who have asked about how Rusty was doing. 

He is fine. Just freakin fine. The toys, not so fine. The mama doll is now referred to as Captain Hook.  
Off to make a craft project with the girls.  Has anyone seen my Stapler? 

Redneck Woman

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

"Summer lovin had me a blast"

Ok, so it is 8 am and the kids and dogs are still sleeping.  No I didn't drug them (thought about it) but didn't I promise.  It probably has more to do with the fact the trash man hasn't come to dump the dumpster this week yet.  But when he does, I know I am going to get charged extra.  Dave decided to shove and old skate half pipe that somehow ended up at our house years ago into the dumpster, along with 3/4 of a tile patio we ripped up.  Top it with our usual household trash, various dead bunnies and mice the dogs have caught, and the contents off the floor of the chicken coop and you have the mixings for a really nasty heavy dumpster cocktail.  Hey maybe all the damn flys will go away???

The other reason the kids are probably sleeping is Oliver the rooster has found himself a new chicken ranch to sow his oats at.  We found a sweet 14 yr old girl who lives close and has 1 hen and a cat for him to play with. So the former Olivia 2 the hen, is not crowing at 5 am.  By the way, we are done naming chickens Olivia.  The previous Olivia got eaten by the Chupacabra if you remember, and the 2nd turned out to be a rooster, so from here on out any new chicken we get will be named after a chicken dish.  Seriously.  Top fav's on the list.....Teryaki, Extra Crispy, Marsala, and Mole'.  And if we end up with another rooster, he will be apty named General Tso.   If you have any to add, by all means keep em comin.

So instead of explaining "Where the hell have you been?"  a la Nanny,   I figured I would show you what we have been doing while off on my blogcation.  Because I know you would much rather see pics of my kids then hear me ramble on about my dumpster and chickens.  We aren't taking a true "vacation" this year, because no one with the last name Doyle or Smith organized one, and I am too lazy to do so myself.  I decided we are having a "staycation."  We are hitting up various activities and things to do around here and Denver.  And because y'all know me so well, you know I am slacking.  So, today in between a planting plan for a landscape design, and the dishes, I am attempting to schedule out what is left of the summer with fun activities and places to go with the kids before I lose my mind.  If we get to everything on the on the list before school starts it might be a miracle.  Because anymore it takes so freakin long just to round everyone up and get the heck out of the house.  Even with me in no makeup and Nike diaper run shorts, and everything organized and packed waiting in various bags ready to go by the door, it is a process. As I am sure many of you can relate. 

It is also time to do the last dreaded India blood recheck from the Dr.'s office debacle.  I know everything will be fine since it was ok last time, but having to go through the blood draw and waiting for the results again makes me somewhat manic, and will most likely send my BP through the roof.  My plan is to deal with it through some nice long runs, but as we all know I will most likely deal with the waiting at Anthropologie and Nordys with my Amex card.  Will keep ya posted.  Enjoy the pics. 

We neutered the dog on the equivelent of the WIC program at CSU.  If you take your 2 stinky bickering kids and 1 out of control puppy to the teaching hospital and tell them you got the dog off a farm and you have been giving him shots from the store yourself, but can't remember when you gave them, then you qualify for the "this crazy lady needs some help program."  In other words, we got the dog neutered and all his shots for dirt cheap, just so we aren't irresponsible FOCO citizens.  By the way did I mention we have an excellent vet and Mattie just cost me $200 alone for her annual pap smear! 

Princess Oatmeal Breakfast

4th of July 4 k around the lake in Windsor.  Dave's Dad, my Mom, Calla, Dave, and I.  Yes India is in the stroller somewhere, and no that is not a double stroller.  We had to leave Mattie at the start line with my Dad and Dave's Mom.  She was being her usual twat self. 

Rusty: "Come on give me the hand please, just give me the hand!"

She lasted all of 10 min in the wagon around the Parent's neighborhood before deciding to walk.  Needless to say it made for a super hot long parade route back.  Oh well, the free snow cone truck with do it yourself syrup made up for it.  Love that my Parents pay their HOA dues. 

Miss 4th of July.  By the way, when you go to Wally World on the 3rd of July, all you get are large bows you have to steal out of the deli's decorations. 

Because she is a midget like me and needs to see.

Rockin the pool in the front yard

Fro yo, and Concerts in Old Town

    After dinner at Coopersmith's
  • Cara