Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The circle of life

I was going to post pictures about my anniversary but since I am a week late I might as well wait.

Thanks to some sort of messed up global warming fall is starting to come early around here.  The trees are starting to drop leaves about 2 weeks early because things are so hot and dry, and it is bringing out the worst in predatory animals as well.  The dead mice, bunnies, birds, wasps, hoards of grasshoppers, ants, and the funky beetles are nothing but a daily occurrence anymore.

However the nasty looking hawks stalking my chickens are starting to freak me out.  They circle above the coop and sit in the trees and even on the coop roof stalking them and daring them to come out.  My chickens are smart though, and have their own alarm system.  When one sees a hawk, it alerts the rest by squeaking and screeching loudly.  The next thing you know they all go running back into the coop.  So far today the chickens have been outside only once or twice.

Moving on to the snakes.  Like Indiana Jones, I hate snakes.  I have dreams where killer snakes come and eat me.  The movie Snakes on a Plane would terrify me so much, you would never get me on a plane again if I watched it.  Forget the Zombie apocalypse, I am preparing myself for a snake apocalypse.  Enter our friends the prairie rattlesnakes.  I realize that when you live on the prairie you get snakes.  Now I understand bull snakes.  They look like rattlesnakes, but are not venomous.  They just sort of go about their merry way eating the mice.  The f'n rattlesnakes though are even nastier then the hawks, and I can't handle them.  Why the hawks can't eat the snakes is beyond me.  Today while Dave and the employees were loading up they came across a baby rattlesnake hiding behind some equipment in the shop.  Only about a ft. long and 2 - 3 rattles.  Since all of my employees are farm or ranch kids they get excited about this kind of crap and throw the dead bodies in the back of their pickups to take home.  Fine with me.  Just don't ask me to go get anything out of that building for awhile.

And for the 3rd predator of the day, the Jehovah's Witnesses showed up again.  I of course told them all sorts of lies while my dipshit dingo dog turned into Kujo.  All the while I was on the phone with my irrigation supply distributor who was laughing his ass off in the background at my excuses and told me I was going to Hell.  Thanks.  I am thinking that next time I might hang some of the dead carcasses around here on the front door.  That might make them go away, because the no soliciting, trespassing sign ain't working' folks.

So, as a result I have declared Monday i.e. Labor Day purge day.

Not to be confused with Sunday which is binge and purge day.  Binge and purge day usually occurs after my first company ballet class back after a long summer break.  On Saturday I will squeeze my hiney butt and mommy gut into tights and a leotard.  I will have an awful class because I am old, and will then spend the better half of the class wondering why I am torturing myself, but will push myself anyway jumping around like I am 18.  This will result in me having trouble getting out of bed on Sunday because I am so sore.  And while I am on this downward spiral I will most likely make a huge Pioneer Woman meets Paula Deen inspired breakfast to make myself feel better.  After I binge on all the yummy food, I will remember how I got myself into this situation in the first place and start to feel bad, and remind myself that I need to get it together.  Then I will spend the remainder of the day purging all of the cabinets of bad food and making meal plans that involve kale, peas, rice, and spray butter.  My family loves me during this time let me just tell you.  It's ok, I know I have issues.

Anyway, back to Monday.  On Monday we will purge.  Purge all sort of crap where the snakes can hide.  Wood piles, piles of materials, etc.  I will probably purge a bunch of stuff in the basement too. Hopefully by doing so we can encourage all of the critters to find another home and just go away.

Because I can't handle all this hawk in the tree, and the snake in the shop, and the mouse in the barn, and the missionary on the porch, green grass grows all around and around crap is starting to wear a bit on me.

Any predators hanging out at your house?  They can be animal or your creepy neighbor you pick. :)


Friday, August 17, 2012

Old MacDoyle Had a Farm

So la dee da.....  Calla started school on Tuesday.  I kept stressing on Monday that she was supposed to be there and I forgot.  Why they can't just start something on a Monday is beyond me.  

That would be your obligatory first day of school picture.  She kept the hat on all day since it was lightweight.  So stinkin' cute, but i'm biased obviously.  Thanks mom for the outfit.  Calla said it was super duper comfy.  

With the lovely notion that summer was coming to a screeching halt a few weeks ago, we figured we should do more together as a family.  While most people take trips to the lake and or head camping, it just wasn't in the cards.  We did the next best thing.  Headed to the various fairs and festivals in search of animals, corn dogs, and the illustrious Dole Fruit Whip Cart.  Don't know what Dole Fruit Whip is?  Have ya' ever been to Disney Land or World and seen a line line stretched out and winding though half of Adventureland for a food cart that looks like a tiki hut, and may be outside of the "Tiki Tiki Room where the birds all sing and the flowers croon"?? (Ok, I'll stop, you are welcome!) In the tiki tiki tiki room:) That would be the Dole Whip stand.  Too bad they don't drive through the neighborhood with a dingy bell like the ice cream man.  Wait, I don't live in a neighborhood.  Never mind that random thought. 

No Line.  Score!!

It is basically a non dairy low fat yummy treat.  For someone like me who used to work at a place like Ben and Jerry's because it was one of the only places that I wouldn't eat the food (love me food!)  because I am lactose intolerant, non dairy creaminess that doesn't taste like chalk is a bonus.  Pineapple Raspberry Swirl with a side of a hairy tattooed arm.  Again, you are welcome.  

You can even wear a shirt with a pineapple that actually says Dole if you would like to look like a big idiot.  I swear that wasn't planned it just happened, and Dave almost snorted the fruit whip when we realized what I was wearing.  This also explained why the Fruit Whip ladies were laughing at me.  I am used to people laughing at me for no reason, however I couldn't figure out why they ladies were.   Now we know.  

So back to the entertainment.  We hit up the Larimer County Fair, even though we don't live in Larimer County.  Technically we live in Weld, but Larimer is closer and nice.  I guess we'll figure out Weld County one of these days when I force Calla to join 4H so I can be a Stage Mom as she shows her chickens.  That way she can earn a scholarship to "insert expensive college of choice here."  And if I am the Stage Mom, you better believe that chicken cage will be blinged and bedazzled to high heaven and that chicken might have more Aveda styling product in it's "do" then the average $3 chicken shown at the fair.  It will be like Toddlers and Tiaras for chickens.  

We also hit up New West Fest the following weekend.  Both had the fruit whip stand so all was well with the world, and Mama was happy.  Because we all know if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Back to the fair, because I took more pictures there then downtown at New West Fest of the drunk sweaty people.    

 Psst Daddy, can I have a goat?

Just kidding I want a cow instead.  It will make Rusty happy.

This goose was willing to come home with us.  

So was this rooster.  Sorry buddy.  Been there done that.    

 Now that I have my frizzles and silkies, I need this colorful funky chicken.  The funkier and freakier the better.

Turkey for me. Turkey for you. :)

Once we were done staring at various animals and drug my Dad out of the alpaca and llama barn, we hit up some of the other festivities.  Thankfully nothing that went up and down or spun all around.  Because the only thing I do at a fair that involves spinning is cotton candy.  I am secretly hoping Calla doesn't grow anymore till she is 12, because then we won't have to endure any of those damn carnival rides until she is old enough to go on them with her friends.  Love my short kid!
 Dave found himself a funnel cake and a piece of equipment he seemed to think he needed for work.  Sure honey, I'm sure CDOT would love us driving that thing around the streets of Ft. Collins.  Pretty sure it won't fit into the standard 42" backyard gate either.  I completely understand how quickly it would excavate an area for a patio, but we don't have trailer it would fit on.  Not to mention the monthly payment probably exceeds my mortgage x's 3.

The antique tractors were cool, as was the free bouncy slide in the back.  I told India to stand with Calla so I could take her picture.  She stuck her tongue out at me and told me she wouldn't smile unless I bought her a cow or Daddy that loader.  Ok not really, but knowing Dave didn't have a straight face or smile in pictures from the age of 5-25 I am pretty much doomed.

Not my Dipshit Dingo Dog, but someone else's.  This got us thinking that if we work with him he may be able to jump for his tennis ball pretty far next year.  That is if I don't kill him between now and then.  

Have a happy weekend.  We are headed to a birthday party tonight for one of my favorite little nuggets, and have a play date tomorrow with good friends.  Who am I?????


Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Men's Locker Room

Before we get started, this will not be a post about my deceased dog named Isis that my ex boyfriend bought that never lived with him, but always with my parents.  Thank you.  Moving on.

I was feeling a bit crappy about myself the other day.  Now that we aren't working like crazy mad people and things have started to even out as they do every year at this time, I have resumed my daily workouts again.  Whether it is doing a video, heading to a ballet class, or rollerblading at the lake, getting out and doing something for at least 30 min, puts me in a much better mood.  My Mother in Law even told me the other day I looked better.  I still am not convinced seeing as she saw me Tues. after I had not showered for 2 days, had no makeup on, and had jogged 6 mi. a few hours prior.  Gross I know, but we were about to have a pie fight for my Father in Law's birthday, and I kind of didn't see the point.

Yes Virginia I said pie fight.  Doesn't everyone have a pie fight after dinner?

Anyway, I decided to purchase this Isis skyline skort in a pretty turquoise color to motivate me. Buying something, especially on sale, always motivates me.  I got mine locally here in town at a store called Jax Mercantile.   Of course for only $20 Dave :)

So I pulled off the tags and took her for a test run.  Literally.  Little did I realize until it was brought to my attention from someone who lives with me, that I looked like I was attacked by the multicolor pack of highlighters I just bought at Target for Calla's school supplies.  Will have to get back to you as to  why a 1st grader needs highlighters???  Here, I took a picture for y'all.  FYI, much brighter in person.

In case you want to join in on this 80's neon party, the tank in "flash" color is from Lululemon, Champion sports bra in "yellow flash" from where else, Target. Evidently "flash" is a popular highlighter color name this season.  Makes me feel like Speedy Gonzales.  However flash is not to be confused with "volt" from Nike, which happens to be the color of the Women's Olympic Gymanstic Team shoes.  Don't ask how I know this.  Just nod your head and say, umm humm ok whatever.

Back to the skort.  This thing is great!  The shorts didn't ride up when I was working out.  The wide waistband sucks you in and covers the badonkadonk.  There was no chafing, and it has a length somewhere between Amish, and the hooker from the gas station a month ago.  It also repelled the dog hair, and washed up great when India puked on it Monday night.  By the way, the people from ISIS for Women have no idea who the hell I am, didn't pay me to write this, and would probably die if they knew my child puked on my dog hair covered clothes and that is why I like them.  I just figured y'all might like to know I found something I liked.

I love the bright color, and it gets me out of my black bottom only rut.  However, I seriously wished I had on all black yesterday afternoon when I accidentally walked into the Men's locker room at the gym.  If you are a man and you were in the room at 24 Hr. Fitness at the time, I am so sorry.  I had just finished up working out and went into what I thought was the Women's locker room (they are side by side) to wash my hands before I picked up the girls.  I was jamming out with headphones on, not paying any attention what so ever, to an a cappella version of Dick van Dyke sings Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  (Again don't ask, it was on shuffle.)  I only saw a dude stuffing a backpack into a locker before I realized I wasn't in the Women's locker room Toto.  No banana hammocks like the Men's Synchronized Diving team were spotted, and I about faced and left before anyone realized I was in there.  Some peopled looked at me strangely coming out.  Thank goodness I was done, and I quickly exited the gym in a "flash" of brightness.  Forget the hand washing, a healthy dose of hand sanitizer in the car was just fine.

So the message for the day?  Buy the skort, but if you have issues not paying attention and randomly walk into places where there might be naked men walking around, don't worry it comes in black!