Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Things I learned this week

Well it has been one of those weeks to say the least.  I have learned some pretty important lessons along the way. 

Like the fact that even in preschool it is still a popularity contest.  Just not with the kids but the parents.  For those of you wondering how the scrapbook picture thing at Calla's school went, yes she did take in my wedding photo, and it did spend the week taped to the wall below Dora the Explorer.  Ayuda me! No one brought in a scrapbook, however one kid did bring in the actual dog instead of the picture.  Too bad we are leaving because if they had studied chickens I could have picked up Henrietta's fat butt and shoved her into a cat carrier and hauled her into the preschool.  Who would have been the popular mommy then?  Booya!

Some of the other things I learned this week:

How to add more music to this blog so you don't hear turn turn turn over and over and over. 

Starbucks now has the ability to make frappuccinos with soy milk.  Hello, its about freakin time. 

I should not start a diet at the same time I have my period, and am breastfeeding a monster.  For example, the other day I started out good.  An organic free range :) egg white, basil, and feta omlette with an english muffin.  45 minutes later after feeding the baby I was hungry and decided a soy frappuccino was in order.  Well Calla was hungry, and rather then listen to her whine about how she is sick of granola bars, I decided a blueberry scone was a good idea.  Of course once the blueberry scone was purchased she decided the granola bar was just fine, leaving me with the blueberry scone. Ok, twist my arm.  11:30 / noon rolls around and it is lunch time.  We were headed to the grocery store that afternoon and didn't have any normal adult lunch stuff, so I had a can of spaghetti o's and a grilled cheese with Calla.  It's not like I was eating Beefaroni or something by Hormel.  Well, by the time I added it all up I was left with no points left for the day, so as not to go over, I spent the rest of the day eating things with 0 points.  That means dinner consisted of pickles, wasa bread crisps, pea pods and jello. What did I learn that day.....Caramel frappuccinos have less points then strawberry creme frappuccinos, and that light whipped cream out of a can is que fabuloso on jello.

The reason I started the diet in the first place is because I learned this week I have no fashion sense.  I have decided my style is Target maternity meets Gap kids, who had a love child with REI.  In other words I am a hot mess who dresses like she is either still pregnant or like a child, but with a bit of a sporty attitude thrown in.  I do have clothes that could make me like a trend setting college kid who shops at Anthropologie, or a carefree sophisticated person with a laidback and effortless wardrobe from the Sundance or J Crew catalog.  However I just don't fit into them the way I would like.  You know like one of those Athleta catalog models.  Besides if I have to stuff myself into a swimsuit to take Calla to swim lessons, I best get on it.  Then again I could always make Dave take her and spare myself the agony. 

Anyway moving on. Oh, the things you can learn while listening to your child play peacefully by herself while you work.  She had her Barbies all set up and was playing nice until I hear her tell Ken to "get the hell out of the car." 

Me:  Um, Calla honey what did you just say?
Her:  Nothing!
Me:  Um, did you just tell Ken to get the hell out of the car?
Her:  Yes, he was bad and wasn't listening.  Why?
Me:  Calla we don't say things like that, that's why.
Her:  Ok (resumes playing)

I leave the room to go to the bathroom and come back and find this: (Sorry turn the pic sideways)

Me: Um, Calla
Her: Yes Mommy
Me: Why is Ken in the corner?
Her: He is in a time out.
Me: Why, what did he do?
Her: He wouldn't get the hell out of the car when Barbie asked him to. 

For the love I swear I am getting nowhere here.

I learned that sticking your tongue out at drivers who piss you off is much more effective then flipping them off.  The driver is totally caught off guard because they don't expect it, and it is way easier then trying to explain why I am shaking my middle finger at someone to a 4 yr old.  I have visions that if I was to flip someone off once, then the 4 yr old in the back seat would flip everyone off while driving. 

Lets see..... what else have I learned.

I learned that chickens prefer organic balsamic vinagrette to caesar dressing, but the dog will eat leftover salad that has been in the rain and picked over by chickens either way.  Preferably with a side of chicken poop.  Did I tell you the dog also showed up at the back door the other day with an egg in her mouth.  Not cracked, perfect.  I just wish she could talk and tell me where the rest of them are because this daily egg hunt is starting to get on my nerves.  I wouldn't mind so much if it actually included marsmallow Peeps and Cadbury chocolate eggs at the end. 

I learned that India will throw up pretty much any formula in a bottle you feed her 30 seconds after she is done.  Lactose free, soy based, acid reflux with rice, generic, name brand.  She isn't particular.

No she doesn't have huge feet.  Come on she is my kid.  It's just the angle.

And finally I learned that its ok to put your child to bed in a Disney princess nightgown Tuesday night, only to have her wake up Wednesday morning and wear it for the entire day, and then fall asleep in it and wear it to bed again that night.  Heck the only thing we changed today were her underwear and princess cha cha shoes.  What can I say I didn't get out of my pj's till 3 pm when I realized that if I had enough energy to put on actual clothes and drive my lazy butt into town it would be 1/2 price happy hour for frappuccinos down at the local Starchunks.  Plowing snow messes up your entire day even if you aren't the one doing it.  

Adios.  I'm off  to bed so I can wake up bright and early to stalk some chickens. 


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Keeping up with the Jones

Calla goes to a really nice preschool.  We wanted her to go somewhere where she would actually learn something cause Lord knows I don't have the attention span or patience to teach her all of the things kids are expected to know before getting to kindergarten instead of actually learning it there.  I would be in some serious trouble teaching her how to tell time on a regular clock and make change from a $20.  However I would so rock the twisting of little colored paper tissue squares on the end of a pencil to make a fish or a butterfly picture.  So far we are really impressed and happy.  She can write her name, her vocabulary is out of this world, and she has blossomed socially.  Wow....I making it sound like she is part of a tampon commercial. 

Anyway, moving on. 

Issue # 1:   When we picked her up last week at school she mentioned one of her little friends was done with school until fall.  The friend's mommy decided to make cupcakes with sprinkles for the entire class that day as a going away thing for the kids to remember the little girl.  Ok......  Calla is leaving the preschool next month to go to a new school that she will stay in through 8th grade.  Am I expected to make cupcakes, muffins or something involving some effort and a Martha Stewart recipe for all of the kids in her class?  For the love, I don't have the time or the energy to do that, let alone try and find my pastery bag and tips.  India is officially attached to my body any opportunity she gets.  Preferably the boob area.  Is this what is expected of me now that Calla is in school? 

Issue # 2:  Earlier in the week we looked in her box for her report as we were leaving and there was a note from her teachers saying that next week was pet week.  She is supposed to bring in a picture of her pets and a stuffed animal to talk about in circle on Monday.  No biggie right?  So we took some pictures in the yard of Calla and the dogs and even the chickens after school.  My intention was not to keep up with all of the cool mommies in her class who will likely scrapbook something pretty for their kids.  Now believe me you I love to scrapbook, and shopping at the scrapbook store makes me manic and giddy all at the same time because my mind starts spinning with all of the projects I could create and oh my look at all of the stickers, and doo dads and paper......I could seriously spend hours in there trying to create 1 page, or a card, or a tag.  Sorry ADD moment.  My intentions were to print out some of the pictures we took and send them with her. Well..... as much as I love my i phone, 2 trips to Target couldn't produce any pictures.  Now I could download the pictures to the computer and save them to a cd or memory stick and print them out that way.  That would be thinking ahead though. 

So here we are.  Its Sunday night 11 pm and I have 2 choices.  Option 1. back up the pictures, drag my tired ass to the 24 hr Wally World print out the pictures, come back an hour later, cut and paste the pictures of chickens and dogs, and make her look really good like we spent all weekend working on the project together.  Option 2. Just give her the framed picture hanging on my bedroom wall of Dave and I at our wedding with the 2 dogs, and let it go.  Seeing as I can't remember when I took a shower last, you guess which option I chose. 

I just can't do it anymore, and that isn't a bad thing.  I can't keep up with the Jones it is just too exhausting.  It isn't that I couldn't play the game if I tried or wanted to, it just isn't important to me.  That and try as hard as I might, denim designers just don't have my ass and short legs in mind when they are designing $200 jeans.  Besides, the Amish don't wear designer jeans?  Now if there was some way I could just email the pictures to her school that would be fantastic.  I don't have to shower to do that.  Don't kids do their homework that way these days anyway?  So on that note here are some of the pictures I took.  I'm off to take a shower and dig up some cupcake recipes.  Better get on that now. 

Notice Rhoda in the background begging for food

PS. Please don't ask me to put the wedding photo up here.  I don't have a digital of it, and if I can't figure out how to use my i phone there is no way I am talented enough to figure out how to use the scanner.  Guess y'all will just have to go to circle time tomorrow to see it.   

XOXO, Cara:)