Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Things I learned this week

Well it has been one of those weeks to say the least.  I have learned some pretty important lessons along the way. 

Like the fact that even in preschool it is still a popularity contest.  Just not with the kids but the parents.  For those of you wondering how the scrapbook picture thing at Calla's school went, yes she did take in my wedding photo, and it did spend the week taped to the wall below Dora the Explorer.  Ayuda me! No one brought in a scrapbook, however one kid did bring in the actual dog instead of the picture.  Too bad we are leaving because if they had studied chickens I could have picked up Henrietta's fat butt and shoved her into a cat carrier and hauled her into the preschool.  Who would have been the popular mommy then?  Booya!

Some of the other things I learned this week:

How to add more music to this blog so you don't hear turn turn turn over and over and over. 

Starbucks now has the ability to make frappuccinos with soy milk.  Hello, its about freakin time. 

I should not start a diet at the same time I have my period, and am breastfeeding a monster.  For example, the other day I started out good.  An organic free range :) egg white, basil, and feta omlette with an english muffin.  45 minutes later after feeding the baby I was hungry and decided a soy frappuccino was in order.  Well Calla was hungry, and rather then listen to her whine about how she is sick of granola bars, I decided a blueberry scone was a good idea.  Of course once the blueberry scone was purchased she decided the granola bar was just fine, leaving me with the blueberry scone. Ok, twist my arm.  11:30 / noon rolls around and it is lunch time.  We were headed to the grocery store that afternoon and didn't have any normal adult lunch stuff, so I had a can of spaghetti o's and a grilled cheese with Calla.  It's not like I was eating Beefaroni or something by Hormel.  Well, by the time I added it all up I was left with no points left for the day, so as not to go over, I spent the rest of the day eating things with 0 points.  That means dinner consisted of pickles, wasa bread crisps, pea pods and jello. What did I learn that day.....Caramel frappuccinos have less points then strawberry creme frappuccinos, and that light whipped cream out of a can is que fabuloso on jello.

The reason I started the diet in the first place is because I learned this week I have no fashion sense.  I have decided my style is Target maternity meets Gap kids, who had a love child with REI.  In other words I am a hot mess who dresses like she is either still pregnant or like a child, but with a bit of a sporty attitude thrown in.  I do have clothes that could make me like a trend setting college kid who shops at Anthropologie, or a carefree sophisticated person with a laidback and effortless wardrobe from the Sundance or J Crew catalog.  However I just don't fit into them the way I would like.  You know like one of those Athleta catalog models.  Besides if I have to stuff myself into a swimsuit to take Calla to swim lessons, I best get on it.  Then again I could always make Dave take her and spare myself the agony. 

Anyway moving on. Oh, the things you can learn while listening to your child play peacefully by herself while you work.  She had her Barbies all set up and was playing nice until I hear her tell Ken to "get the hell out of the car." 

Me:  Um, Calla honey what did you just say?
Her:  Nothing!
Me:  Um, did you just tell Ken to get the hell out of the car?
Her:  Yes, he was bad and wasn't listening.  Why?
Me:  Calla we don't say things like that, that's why.
Her:  Ok (resumes playing)

I leave the room to go to the bathroom and come back and find this: (Sorry turn the pic sideways)

Me: Um, Calla
Her: Yes Mommy
Me: Why is Ken in the corner?
Her: He is in a time out.
Me: Why, what did he do?
Her: He wouldn't get the hell out of the car when Barbie asked him to. 

For the love I swear I am getting nowhere here.

I learned that sticking your tongue out at drivers who piss you off is much more effective then flipping them off.  The driver is totally caught off guard because they don't expect it, and it is way easier then trying to explain why I am shaking my middle finger at someone to a 4 yr old.  I have visions that if I was to flip someone off once, then the 4 yr old in the back seat would flip everyone off while driving. 

Lets see..... what else have I learned.

I learned that chickens prefer organic balsamic vinagrette to caesar dressing, but the dog will eat leftover salad that has been in the rain and picked over by chickens either way.  Preferably with a side of chicken poop.  Did I tell you the dog also showed up at the back door the other day with an egg in her mouth.  Not cracked, perfect.  I just wish she could talk and tell me where the rest of them are because this daily egg hunt is starting to get on my nerves.  I wouldn't mind so much if it actually included marsmallow Peeps and Cadbury chocolate eggs at the end. 

I learned that India will throw up pretty much any formula in a bottle you feed her 30 seconds after she is done.  Lactose free, soy based, acid reflux with rice, generic, name brand.  She isn't particular.

No she doesn't have huge feet.  Come on she is my kid.  It's just the angle.

And finally I learned that its ok to put your child to bed in a Disney princess nightgown Tuesday night, only to have her wake up Wednesday morning and wear it for the entire day, and then fall asleep in it and wear it to bed again that night.  Heck the only thing we changed today were her underwear and princess cha cha shoes.  What can I say I didn't get out of my pj's till 3 pm when I realized that if I had enough energy to put on actual clothes and drive my lazy butt into town it would be 1/2 price happy hour for frappuccinos down at the local Starchunks.  Plowing snow messes up your entire day even if you aren't the one doing it.  

Adios.  I'm off  to bed so I can wake up bright and early to stalk some chickens. 



  1. the conversation with Calla - too freakin funny! And you & I are definitely on the same diet ;) xoxo

  2. So, so, so funny!!! I laughed at everything you were writing. I love what you have learned this week posts...I am doing one on Wednesday!

  3. Sweet thank you guys so much for reading.