Thursday, October 21, 2010

Mommy what's a vagina? and other things I have learned this week.

So another week down almost and it has not gone without its moments as usual. 

I opened up Calla's backpack last night to find a detailed letter to the parents stating how the little boys in her Pre K class are showing each other their "privates" during recess.  The letter was to assure the parents that they were dealing with the situation, and it was normal for a 4 yr old to be curious and that they would also be educating the children on when it is ok (ie. at the Dr.'s) and not ok to whip it out for all to see at the multi sensory sand and water table during play hour.  Because that would be sensory overload.  Needless to say, I should start cleaning out her backpack right after school, because it would have explained so much.

C: "Mommy what's a vagina?"
Me: "Um, its your punket (Chamorro for vagina) why are you asking?"
C: "Because we are not supposed to show it to anyone at our school."
Me: "Of course you are not, um is someone at school showing you their vagina baby" (note to self .... WTF I thought they were learning about bats and pumpkins and the letter F not the letter V this week???)
C: "No the boys are."
Me: "Sweetie boys don't have a vagina."
C: "I know, because they can't have babies."
Me: "Correct."
C: "What a silly word vaaagiiiiinaaaa, VAgina, VAGINA!"
Me: "Yes baby, that's why we don't call it that.  Just make sure you don't show anyone your punket ok?"
C: "Ok Mommy......vagina..... Hee Hee Hee Hee."

Other things I have learned this week.

*Projectile vomit from the back seat of the car can land in the front seat after one swallows too much flouride treatment at the dentist.  Oh well, I guess it was time to wash the car seats anyway. 

*Mice prefer brown and green play doh, but not the pink.

*On the other hand India will eat any color of play doh, and prefers pink crayons to gnaw on. 

*I am starting to come to terms with the fact I will never fit into any pair of jeans with the words: slim, narrow, skinny, matchstick, toothpick, jegging, or ultra low on the tag.  Designers, please make bootcut and boyfriend popular again because I am being forced to shop in areas where the words on the tag read: control panel, slimming, stretch, ladies, high waist, womens, curvy, and my personal favorite....not your daughter's. 

*Once you stop breastfeeding your boobs will shrink overnight.  Lovely.....

*I am learning how to be patient and control my inner smart ass.  When the lady at Build a Bear asked me what cool names I had in store for my 3rd child since the other 2 were so unique and when it was due (she was guessing Feb.;) instead of throwing a massive hissy fit  I looked her straight in the eye and told her I had my tubes tied after the 2nd and unless Jesus came to visit last night, I was just fat.  Because when you are blunt it has much more of an impact then a tantrum ever would. 

*I now have a personal trainer who kicks my ass so much to the point I can't feel my ass, and had to actually stop taking ballet class on Sat. because I couldn't shut my legs.  She used to be dancer and is making me do things turned in instead of out.  She also promised never to weigh me, or make me do calf raises.  Because Lord knows my calves are big enough already, and I told her when I get weighed my blood pressure goes sky high and it isn't healthy to have your blood pressure that high while working out.  It is good for me I know.  I may not fit into skinny jeans when we are done, but I can assure you I will not look pregnant, and for this my "vagina" will thank me. 

Have a great weekend.  xoxo

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Hanging with my Homies

I love the Co Op.  I have been hanging out there lately with the farmers, and truck drivers.  Where else can you get a 6"  piece of metal yanked from your tire for the 3 time this year ASAP.  My goal is to go in looking as ragged and pathetic as possible and if India is fussy then extra brownie points, because the men in there are so kid uncomfortable they get me out of there as quickly as possible.  To top it off Ed the manager even looks like Johnny Cash.

Yesterday while waiting for the hunk of junk to be removed from the tire, I wandered over to the store side to feed Calla a healthy breakfast of free popcorn, and fill up my coffee mug.  She then successfully rearranged all of the paint chips on display and when asked what she was doing, explained they looked better that way because pink and purple are soooo much better then brown for a house color.  I was also able to stock up for the winter on chicken shavings and an econo size bucket o' bait for the mice and various other critters I don't have living in my buildings, but it says it kills anyway.  After pulling the dog toys out of India's mouth (she is teething) and arguing with Calla that a stock tank would not make a good swimming pool, I decided it was time to put the stuff on account and head back to the shop to see if the car was ready.

To my luck it was because I think I have read every issue of Truckin, Outdoor Life, Diesel Power, Field and Stream, and the 2 token issues of Oprah, and BH&G from Christmas 2008 they have out for your waiting enjoyment.  Mental note to self - bring coloring book next time.  Explaining to Calla that the man on the magazine cover did not kill Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is just no fun at 7:30 in the morning. 

If you need me, you know where to find me.  :)


Thursday, October 7, 2010



So, since my last post back I referenced June being as busy as October.  Um yeah since it is now October, I am changing my mind.  Every month in between the two has been very busy.  Having 2 kids and a business is not as easy as I assumed.  Seeing as I actually have to entertain India instead of plugging her in front of a Baby Enstein dvd  in her swing while I get some work done.  Right.....   But since I have had a 1/2 a pot of coffee this morning and my shit is finally coming together thanks to Dave convincing me to make an actual schedule, I figured I would clean up the blog while one kid zones out in the magical land that is Sesame Street and the other naps for 15 min.  Too bad Sesame Street is not an actual place like Ikea where you can drop off your kids for an hour and go shopping, read a book, or take a yoga class.  Forget Disneyland.  If Ikea added a gym next to the meatball cafeteria and attached a Super Target off the back and they would be the most popular and happiest place on earth for moms. 

Anywhoo for those of you who have known me for a long time you know about my Guamanian Nanny.  No I did not have a nanny growing up, she was my grandmother who moved to Texas to live with us and took care of my sister and I while my parents were at work, and we just called her Nanny.  Nanny taught us all sorts of things. She taught my sister how to play the piano, make a proper pie crust from scratch and swear in Chamorro.  I learned  how to make a roux, scotch on the rocks (2 knuckles worth and an ice cube swirled around) and that improvising is not a bad thing.  This is why to this day my sister is the baker and knows more naughty Chamorro words then me.  I make a mean mac n cheese from scrach, buy my pie crusts frozen, and always have Crown Royal on hand next to the Jager. And when I am out of cocoa powder I make cakes out of chocolate Slim Fast. 

One of the things Nanny always used to say was "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?!" 
We could have been gone for 10 minutes to the neighbor's house or out for hours.  Of course we always told her where the heck we were going before we left, but it still didn't stop her from asking again, and then again 20 min later.  So instead of explaining where the "Hell" I have been for the last 4 months, I figured I would just show you in pictures. Kind of a like a what I did on my summer vacation photo montage.  And also  because this post has gotten long enough.  I could literally go on for hours with Nanny stories as I am sure many of you can.  One of these days I will post Nanny's chocolate pound cake recipe.  Slim Fast of course is optional.  :)  

On that note it is time to Swiffer the crackers and dog hair off the floor, give Indy some Tylenol for her teeth, find out where Calla and the chickens hiding, check the work emails, and breathe. 

Missed y'all.  XOXO, Cara :)