Tuesday, June 26, 2012

And the winner is.....

When you tell a 6 yr old to pick a number they will most likely choose the number 1.  Then run around the house in a circle with her sister screaming WE'RE NUMBER ONE!  WE'RE NUMBER ONE!  Over and over and over and over again.  Complete with a dog and pony show.  No seriously....riding on stick unicorns twirling pound puppies overhead.  FYI in case you didn't know, unicorns on a stick are supposedly better then stick horses because they have a pink horn, and to my delight..... they whinnie and neigh too.  Soooo disturbing.  Round and round the house they went.  

When you ask a 2 yr. old to pick a number she will most likely choose the number 2 because she is 2 and doesn't know any better.  1+1= 2 of course.  4+4=2.  137+941=2.  How old are you?  2 of course!  :)   Lesson learned.  Perhaps next time I will will use a random number generator.  

And lookie there, Aimee is Number 1 and 2, and therefore wins the package of my favorite crap.  Aimee message me your shipping info in Facebook, and I will send it off as soon as I can.   

In the mean time, I'll leave you with a picture from our most recent trip to Target yesterday.  I highly recommend putting your children in a cart while shopping, even if it only means you are shopping for 1 item....tomato sauce.  They will run amuck if not confined.  One would think I would know this by now.  Yes that is a sticker on her forehead, and after a mermaid meltdown in the seasonal aisle about how they have to come home with us because they are the perfect sippy cup size, the shot glasses on Mardi Gras beads stayed behind in the store next to the Hawaiian leis.  Maybe if they are good the next time I'll think about it, but for now a family sized bag of Twizzlers will have to do as bribery.  


Saturday, June 23, 2012

posting a comment

Hi all!

So the easiest way to post a comment is to scroll through the Comment as: options and choose name/url or anonymous.  If you choose to sign in as anonymous just leave your name in the comment line so I know who ya are.  :)  I have no clue what AIM or Open Id is, so if you choose those I guess you know.

Or......you can always choose them if you are are looking to spice it up this weekend.

Kind of like the time I thought it would be more fun to choose the Spanish language option while calling American Express to activate a card.  No harm right?   That stuff is automated and surely with 6 yrs. or so of school Spanish I should know something.  So I pressed Numero Dos and proceeded to follow the instructions.  Entered all the important numbers no problem.  My mother's maiden name no problem.

Then came a full sentence, and I had no clue what Maria the automated lady was saying.  Evidently it was to wait on the line so someone could talk to me.  So, I just stayed on the line trying to figure out the last sentence in my pea brain hoping it would continue to repeat asking me for another prompt until I could figure it out.

Then a real person cut in on the line in full glory perfect Spanish.  Again another perfect friendly sentence, and I had no clue at this point.  They kept saying "Hola Hola!"

I figured I had 2 options at that point.  Speak really bad broken Spanish and pretend I was French and that Spanish was my 2nd language.  Except the only French words I know are ballet terms, so pas de chat grand jete plie tendu arabesque pirouette is only going to get me transferred to a French translator because hello.... this is Amex.  Always there to please.

Or, I could save my pride in trying to explain I really wasn't pranking the person on the other end, I just needed to activate my new card, and hang up humbled and embarrassed.  So I chose option Numero Dos and hung up.  Very quickly!

Of course Dave laughed at me afterwards.  I seriously wasn't expecting to get anyone.  Citibank is fully automated.  Yeah, not Amex.  Personal service at its finest.  Later,after thinking about it, Dave so lovingly pointed out that "They are in more countries worldwide."  Well golly gee thanks Mr. Logistics.  Next time you need help mobilizing the landscaping route and which vehicle / trailer combo to take first, who is driving, and how to get there without any left turns or C-DOT weigh stations, you be sure to call UPS or Fed Ex to help you out with that.  They can help you.  They have people.  Just don't choose the Spanish language option.


Friday, June 22, 2012


If you follow me on Pinterest you know by now that all of my boards are labelled Crap.  I am not sure why it turned out this way but somehow it did.  I have House Crap for ideas we would like to do when we add onto our home in the near future.  Food Crap for all of those recipes I have no plan on making anytime soon, but are there just incase I need to whip up a massive cake or a pitcher of fruity flavored booze.  And last but not least just plain Crap for all of those funny quotes and signs that don't belong mixed in with food and well....other crap.

Since summer has officially joined us, even though it seems like it showed up in March, I am in full summer crap pinning mode.  Never in my life have I wanted to make a large lawn Jenga, fruit filled mojitos, and decorate my porch that isn't finished with red white and blue bunting.

All photos courtesy of Pinterest

See what I mean.  Too Cute!  Except, who the hell has time to sew bunting, and actually add a pretty cut up hunk of fruit on the end of a toothpick to their mojito because they are downed within 5 min..  The Jenga set will happen come hell of high water except we might need to all wear shoes while playing now that I look at the picture again.

And that is why I love Pinterest folks.  Where else can you find all of these ideas and even dream about having that killer banging body thanks to all of the Exercise Crap I have pinned.  Too bad I actually have get my ass off the Pinterest page, stop drinking the mojitos, and exercise for that to happen.

So....now that Mother Nature has blessed us with 100 degree days, I thought I would share with you some of my favorite things for summer.  Not bunting involved.

Going Clockwise:

*Cucumber Wipes - End of day, exhausted, and falling into bed.  Still have to remove sunscreen and makeup.  These will do the trick.  I like to think they are more refreshing because they have cucumber.  Who knows, who cares, it is probably psychosomatic anyway.

*Mega Plush Waterproof Mascara  - I work outside sometimes.  Sometimes I sit on my ass all day in the office but we won't go there.  On the days I work outside I wear this mascara, sunscreen and a bit of Jemma Kidd Water Resistant Bronzer. (not pictured) Makes your lashes long, soft, plump, and not too flaky.  All of the things I like in a good biscuit.  Sorry back to the mascara.  It has some sort of gel in it, and it will come off with the above mentioned wipes at the end of the day.

*Crystal Light Mojito Mix - Does this taste like a mojito?  Hell no, but it says it is and so that is all that counts.  I drink this while I am sitting on my ass in the office and have to still pick up the kids at the end of the day.  Because no one likes a drunk mommy at Day Care.  That would be a no no.  Play date yes, Day Care no.

*Burt's Bee's Grapefruit Lip Balm - Please don't make me sing Jimmy Buffet's Juicy Fruit song ok.  This stuff is yummy.

*Luna Bars - Minis even.  Because everybody gets the munchies, especially when drinking, and these are mini and supposed to be healthy, so I say eat more.  Yes, I know I have portion control issues, hence the Exercise Crap motivation board.  Just don't leave them in the car in the hot weather.  It will give a whole new meaning to the words Hot Mess.

*Hawaiian Tropic Silk Hydration Sunscreen - I have bottles of this stuffed stashed everywhere.  SPF 30 for daily use and 50 for those days when I know I will be schlepping mulch and watering plants in before they wilt.

*Essie Bikini So Teeny Nail Polish - Seeing as I probably won't be rocking a Teeny Bikini ever again thanks to 2 kids.  This way I can paint my toes, and pretend I am.

*Hair Ties - I have long hair so I can pull it back into a ponytail daily.  My hairstylist hates me because she knows this, so I mix it up with braids our a bun.  She doesn't understand if I am going to have long hair why not do something with it and wear it down.  Because wise one, many years of ballet ruin hair wearing down in face.  These are cute and you can leave them on your wrist if you so choose to wear your hair down for 5 min. in an attempt to look sexy for the milkman.  And then have it so you can quickly put it back up again once he delivers the milk without his shirt on and gets back into the truck.  Sorry, clearly I don't see much action out here in the country.

Anyhoo, all of my favorite crap can be yours.  The products pictured, not the giant Jenga, someone's dog, or the bunting.

Seriously!  I might as well give it to you after making you read this long ass post.  None of the people who make all of this stuff know who the hell I am, or are giving me the stuff.  I am doing it because I love ya!

All you have to do is leave me a comment below about your favorite summer thing.  It can be a tub of Blue Bell ice cream, or your fun noodle for the pool.  I don't judge.  Oh and if you start following me too and you don't already, that counts an additional entry.  Just leave me a separate line comment telling me are now a follower.

I am always on the lookout for more crap, so I would love to hear about your favorite crap.

Come Monday I will count up all of the comments and tell the 6 yr. old to pick a number.  Whatever number she picks is the winner, and I will ship it to you.  If you live outside the US I can't ship it, but if you are in Hawaii I will dislike you for 10 min. get over myself, then send it off.

Can't wait to read everyone's responses.  Oh, and if you would like to follow me on Pinterest, just search for callabee.

Happy hot as hell summer weekend!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Knock Knock

I have a joke for you :)

Knock Knock?
Who's There?
Cara Who?

Precisely my point.  Hi there, got sucked into a rabbit hole, or in my case a large water feature Dave designed for a client running into a lake.  Did I build it?  Oh Hell No....No one trusts me to do that.  I however had to put on my Landscape Architect hat and design the plant layout.  Evidently they trust me to do that instead.  Then I had to make sure what worked on paper worked on site, and rearrange everything around with the client before the holes were dug in the 100 degree weather.  5gal. shrub pots are twice as heavy when you have to schlep them around in the heat.  I am calling it my Cross Fit workout for the week.

At least this particular client didn't dig up all of the plants after the guys planted them and move them into different locations around the yard they thought looked better after we had left for the day.  Yes, some people are like that. You just smile and nod and say "Well bless your heart," and walk away knowing that in 6 months they will call you frustrated that the bush they planted right next to the front door is so big, they can't get down the walkway and it needs to be pruned.  No shit Sherlock.  Next time leave it alone.

15 trips to 4 different Nurseries to hand pick and pull materials, and I think everything is finally there.  Let's just say it better be.  Went to another job site today to drop off Dave's lunch and came home with only about 1/3 of the 250 pots from the water feature job.  It was all I could fit in the trunk out of the job trailer.

I should also mention I have about 30 plants here at the house that need to be planted after the hail storm hit a couple of weeks ago.  And..... I am pretty sure I am not going to get any help planting them from employees even if I paid them, let alone Dave.

See I have this problem.  I call it the Target Syndrome.  I head to the Nursery with intentions of pulling only the plants for what a client needs.  I leave with 30 other plants for my yard that I think will work somewhere.  Kind of like when you go to Target for deodorant and toilet paper and you come out with a new sports bra, slip and slide for the kids, Country Living magazine, napkins, Febreeze, pillow for the couch, and a new hairdryer even though the last time you blow dried your hair at home was in 2003 right before your wedding. (I can show you my receipt, it happened last week.)

While we are talking about plants I might as well introduce you to the new cast of characters: 
'Koko Loco' rose - starts off tan and then turns a dusty purple, 'Elijah Blue' Fescue, 'Hidcote' Lavender, 'Hall's' Honeysuckle, and 'Bright Eyes' tall garden Phlox.  I love the cool colors of all of these plants.  They will go underneath my bedroom window.  So on a cool night when the windows are open, the gentle breeze will blow in the amazing smells wafting off the blooms.  
'Wheee' Hosta.  The leaves are supposed to be ruffled.  You can see all of the leaves that were downed from the hail storm still hanging out in the bed underneath the apple trees.  Hostas take a huge beating in the hail.  Yeah....  I should probably have the mysterious lawn gnomes who take care of the garden in the night get on to cleaning that up here one of these days.  
Various other perennials to plant in the bed to make it look like a wildflower meadow, and a dipshit dingo dog photo bomb.  Coreopsis, 'Pink Poodle' and 'Tiki Torch' Echinacea, 'Champagne Bubbles' Poppies. 'Rocky Mountain' Columbine, Etc. Etc Etc.  See what I mean.  There are just too many cool plants out there waiting to go home with me, just like polka dot underwear from Target.  Dave is not on board with this look. (The wildflower garden not the polka dot underwear,) I am not on board with this entire area.  It is full of way too many ground covers, wild raspberries and all sorts of crap we installed back when it was cool and hip to have complicated gardens because we have no kids.  Now we have kids, have realized we are not cool or hip, and it is all just too much.  I am trying to work with it and brighten it up a bit seeing as my option to rip it all out is not there until January.  Calla thinks it's great.  And since I ask the opinion of my 6 yr. old daily, and don't forget I am wearing the landscape architect hat..... The plants stay!  
Besides, Matilda says so!  The additional plants mean more bunnies and butterflies.  That means more bunny poop for her to eat.  

Ok enough about plants, lets catch you up to speed and not necessarily in order. 
Spent my birthday up the mountain at the Ameristar Casino in BlackHawk / Central City.  Dave and I had a wonderful time just the two of us.  He humored me earlier in the day while we went to the annual Old Glory Antique Fair in the lightning and rain, and then waited patiently while I peeked into crumbling down old turn of the century buildings once we got into town.  While we don't gamble much, it was somewhere to go.  And a nice place to go at that.  The rooftop pool was great and I did pretty good on the Swan Lake slots, until we decided we needed food, and then hit the buffet.  Note to self, don't watch people eat at a buffet.  I am so not kidding.  Kind of like how you really don't want to look at what people have in their grocery carts at the Wally World Supercenter.   
 Drank pomegranate Mojitos.  (Hey look Dave is wearing his wedding band.  I guess we are married after all.)
 And ate bowls of Pho.  Yes, I went to a buffet and had Pho.  What.... like I was going to turn down that bowl of noodle yumminess to eat chicken fried steak or nachos instead?  Told you it was good casino to hang out.
Came home from the fresh mountain air to the large plumes of smoke from the High Park Fire.  The firefighters are doing an amazing job.  This probably the worst fire I have ever seen.  View to the West.  No mountains to be seen that day, and had to keep the house closed up from the smoke.  We are about 25 miles away even.  
 Views out the corrals to the North.  That night when the sun set, the smoke was so thick it reminded me of "Gone with the Wind" when Rhett and Scarlett steal the horse and buggy to get Melanie and the baby home to Tara with Georgia burning in the background as they were leaving.  
Oh yeah, and I will be shot if I don't include some of these pictures as promised.  Calla had her ballet recital.  One of the moms backstage got real snitty with me when I was getting Calla ready.  (Such a whole other life when your kid is dancing and you are not.  Kind of weird actually.)  She mouthed to another mom, "well I supposed SOME PEOPLE (wink, nod, look over at me blatantly) have lots of time on their hands to do a proper bun and makeup."  Actually no, I didn't have any time that day lady and wolfed down McDonald's in the car on the way to the theater 15 min. before it started.  Hence why she is getting ready at the theater.  I may not be good at a lot of things, but one of the things I AM GOOD AT, is throwing hair up into a bun, shellacking the crap out of it, and schlepping on stage makeup in 5 min. flat. (10 min. if I have to get Ethel ready in her wrinkles or Miss Universe tiara.)  If she had been nicer about it, and not made me out to be like that cray cray Abby lady on the tv show "Dance Moms," I may have offered to help her out.  Next time might I suggest a You Tube or Pinterest tutorial first.  
 I had no idea what she was dancing until we got there.  Since I take class at the same time as her, I don't get to watch her rehearse.  Not that she would let me anyway.  She kept telling me she was a doll.  When the music came on for Giselle, and I realized that is what she was dancing to, I lost it.  She was so stinkin cute, and ahhhh Giselle.  Nice nice 95 lb. six pack abs Peasant Pas and man hating Willi memories of Giselle for Mommy.  "Sniff Sniff" If you did Giselle with me back in the day, you know what I am talking about.  I love you man.  
And last but not least my girls.  Me (sans 6 pack abs,) Calla, my niece, and her little sister who was also dancing too.  It was fun to see both girls up there dancing their little hearts out.  Who knows, maybe we will all be on stage together one of these days.  By then we won't need to draw on Ethel's wrinkles or frost her wig, she will be good to go au natural.  

So that should about cover things.  I have plans for some my favorite things posts, because I know they are everyone's favorites.  Maybe a giveaway too, to make up for being gone for a month.