Thursday, June 16, 2011

They say it's your birthday.......

So this morning I woke up to the hot mess that is my kitchen.  

The worst part is Dave and I keep going to the silverware drawer to get a fork knowing damn well there is only 1 knife in there because the rest is either dirty or still in the dishwasher.

India was a cranky pants last night so I wasn't able to get the dishes done.  Was only able to sit and snuggle and watch So You Think You Can Dance.  Aw damn. twist my arm....  That show always amazes me, and the dancers this season are freakin incredible.  Melanie is so far my fav.  Her statue dance blew me away.  I am not sure what I miss more.  Being a 19 yr old dancer, or having a 19 yr old dancer's body.  If you know me, then you know I miss my 6 pack more.

Speaking of a six pack or lack there of, something I do every year on my birthday is a bathing suit birthday evaluation.  Since it is June and we are usually doing something involving water, it is a good time to pull out the suits and figure out which one I can stand to be seen in public in.  I have a couple of options to choose from.  And no you won't be getting any modeling shots.  F that. 

Up first, the Lucky Brand bikini from my honeymoon.  Um yeah.....not even an option.  Next!

2nd option - a striped terrycloth Juicy Couture bikini that says JUICY really big across the ass. 
So not even going there.  That is like taking a billboard out.  Why I even have that still is beyond me.  Kind of like asking me why I still have the teeny tiny CSU windshorts I was wearing when I hooked up with Dave for the first time again at school?  I don't know?  To torture myself obviously, because they fit my left arm and Calla.

3rd option - Athleta tankini top and matching miniskirt bottom.
My friend K rocks the mini skirt bathing suit bottom.  Me, not so much.  Too much junk in the trunk going on down there to make it work, and it just rides up.  Someone recently told me SPANX is now making bathing suits and all I have to say is it's about time.  A couple of years back I found a bathing suit I liked and bought 4 different matching pieces, a bikini top, tankini top, bikini bottom, and skirt bottom.  I just mix and match them to suit my needs, and this way I didn't have to go to a store dressing room to decide.  One of life's more painful experiences next to laying buck naked on my back on the OR table with everyone watching, arms out like Jesus ready to have a C section. 

4th option - A Gap tankini, and Athleta bottom, with board shorts. 
For those 2 men who read this, a tankini is like a tight tank top, or an extended bikini top.  This worked last year when I was still breastfeeding because it held things in.  Not sure about it this year.  Things just smooshed, rolled, and muffin topped out.  Can't use the baby fat excuse anymore seeing as she walks, talks, and has teeth. 

Last ditch option - Athleta bikini top and bottom, and board shorts.
Well.... believe it or not the bikini top was the best option.  It is well padded on the top to make up for the lack of boobies.  So padded I have to squeeze all of the water out if I get them soaked.  Attractive.   Because it is a bikini, my "bowl full of jelly" just sort of hangs out.  But hey, it was better looking then trying to shove it all in.  And it all works because my badonkadonk is well covered too.  Now if I can just work up the courage to head to the pool and actually get wet.

After the depressing parade in front of the mirror, Calla came in and reminded me that last year we went to Lucille's and had beignets, and could we go again.  What.....What am I supposed to say, no honey we are going to have a nice egg white scramble with turkey bacon and asparagus on my birthday.  Hell to the no.  I threw on a mumu and grabbed both kids and off we went to have pain perdu, beignets, and Hank's eggs on the patio.   Now that I am home again home again jiggly jig, and ready to pop,  I offer a toast to you with powdered sugar still on my chin......  May your bathing suit experience this season be smoother then mine.  And if it isn't, just remember there will always be someone that looks better then you at the pool, (she will probably be 15, and if she isn't feel free to give her dirty looks behind your sunglasses and US Weekly.) And there will be someone who will look worse then you.  Make sure you park your camp next to them. 

Off to tackle the dishes and play in the sprinklers in my front yard with the kids in the last resort option. 

XOXO. Me:)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Piss Pod

In case you are wondering what a Piss Pod is, it was Rachel and Jon's first place in Cheyenne.  It was named that because the previous tenant must have had a dog that peed on everything, and no matter how much they cleaned the carpet it always smelled like pee.  Potty training this puppy is making the house turn into a Piss Pod.  He does really good most of the time especially when we are gone, but he is still young and learning. 

Anyway since there really isn't much going on around here these days other then work, and I am the only one self tanned, I thought I would show you some pictures of the Piss Pod.  Since a few of you live far away and haven't been hanging out in FOCO lately, you have been asking what we have done to the place.  Besides a few things you can't see. like a new roof, and fixing the foundation on the barn and working with the County fixing the leach field for the septic, not much cosmetic has gone on.  We are planning on doing some landscaping around here this summer.  All of the landscaping we did a while back is driving us crazy, and is hard to keep up with with busy schedules.  We want to rip out the water feature and completely rework the side yard.  Make it more kid and entertaining friendly.  This will involve setting a paver patio where the deck is, fixing the pergola, and redoing and extending the front porch to make it wrap.  We are trying to get back to a more simple farmhouse look and life.  Right now it isn't about proving we know how to do all sorts of landscaping, and using our house as a guinea pig, it is more about reworking it to suit our lifestyle and needs. 

With that, I won't be overwhelming you with tons of perfectly set pictures of our house.  Mainly because I am not a stylist or a photograper.  We like to keep it real, and I don't have a super fancy camera or Photo Shop to edit things like the pretty design blogs do.  One of these days, One of these days.  So I will show you bits and pieces of rooms here and there, it will be picked up and clean, but not scrubbed, all nicks on baseboards won't be painted, wires hidden, things will not be ironed, and every lick of dust and dog hair gone with masking tape.  For the love of God I am not Martha.

The clothes line outside of the back door in the driveway.  India does her fair share of adding to the Piss Pod.  Notice how the barn foundation is dug up, and the blue painters tape around the windows.  Yeah we're working on that.  Check back after July 29th. 

The chicken coop with Miss Birdie keeping watch.  We added flowers this year to spruce it up a bit.  Since we have had so much rain the flowers are booming and it is hung high enough the birds won't eat it.  Mean I know.  I am not going to show you the inside.  You can use your imagination as to what piles of chicken shit look like.  :) 

Lilacs are blooming and a still snowy Longs Peak in the background.   

The back side of the well house.  I fought hard for the previous owners to leave the Meta Goddess of the Rockies sign.  Calla calls her Cinderella.  I call her Frenchy after Frenchy in the movie Grease.  Remember when Frenchy dropped out of Rydell to attend beauty school and dyed her hair pineapple yellow.  Yup just dated myself. 

The front of the well house.  Yes, there is an actual well in the well house.  No I won't show you it because it isn't working, and it dark and scary down there and the full of spiders and "dead things Mikey, dead things."  Just dated myself again.  Love the Goonies! 

My bedroom from the kitchen door.  I have no logic as to which areas of the house I am starting with.  We'll just go with this room because it happens to be the cleanest .  I wanted to brighten things up for the summer, so I just purchased this el cheepo quilt from Walley World.  When I say el cheepo I mean $19.99 for a king size quilt.  It isn't the warmest or best quality, if it falls apart for 20 bucks it can become the outdoor fort cover.  Over top of the TV is a high deep closet that holds our bedding.  Dave gets the chimney cabinet and the dresser for his clothes in case you were wondering. 

This duvet for the dog bed cost about the same as the quilt since they are vintage grain and seed sacks we found in a flea market and sewed together. 

The bedroom from the hallway.  I could say something cheesy like "this is where the magic happens,"  but my Mom is reading this ew...and lets get real, I have 2 teething allergy ridden kiddos who don't sleep through the night, a puppy who pees every 5 min. and a husband in our busy season.  There is no stinkin magic or sleep for that matter, happening here. 

Taken from the other side of the bed looking at the closet.  I get the bottom, Dave gets the top.  We are attemping to fill up the wall with family pictures in cream frames.  This came about because people gave me grief about not having any pictures of our kids or us anywhere.  Cream frames are hard to find, but since I chose to scrapbook my wedding bouquet in a cream shadowbox, cream it is. 

Yes, I am including a picture of the inside of my closet.  I have friends who get off on that kind of stuff, and love to see how I attempt to shove my entire wardrobe in 2 tiny closets.  You know who you are  KW & IS.  Yes my shoeboxes are labeled, and my clothes are grouped together, but they are not color coordinated.  I am not that much of a freak.  The wallpaper in there is a vintage floral, and is so awesome. 

Speaking of awesome, my minimalist sister just sent me one of Jon's old tie and belt racks.  I looked high and low in stores for one that wasn't wall mounted and a hanger like this one, but no luck sorry.  It allows me to hang 10 strappy sundresses sideways in the closet.  Talk about space minimalization.  Now if I can just figure out what to do with the 20 or so other dresses that aren't strappy. 

Our hallway.  If you look to the front you will see the girls room.  If you look to the right you will see the bathroom. If you look to the left you will see our other closet.  And if you put your left foot forward you can do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around, that's what it is all about.  :)

The inside of the closet.  I stole the Elfa drawer units from my parents house.  Dave thinks they are ugly.  I think they are brilliant.  We keep sweaters, sweatshirts, hats, gloves, and tshirts in the cloth baskets.  

Above the closet is a cabinet where we keep towels, and Dave's sweaters. Yes I know Dave gets the short end of the closet stick.  But hey, it's not like he dresses up or anything. 

So that is pretty much it for now.  This post is huge and you are all probably wondering how much more we can shove into a 900 sq. ft. house.  Oh just you wait.  And at the end of it all, I may just have a giveaway house related of course.  No I am not going to give away a house, but maybe a couple of things to make yours pretty. I'll even ship. 

Ta Ta for now. 

Friday, June 3, 2011

A couple of random things I have learned this week

I'll be short sweet and to the point today, cause I know y'all are busy figuring out what to do with kids now that they are out of school.  Me, I'm just busy trying to figure out how to keep India from dumping handfulls of dog food into the water bowl. 

1. It is easier for India to say "Shit" then Calla.

2. The puppy is eating the carpet.  Except it is the carpet we have to keep for now and not the carpet I want to replace sooner with this rug.  Is it wrong to ask for a rug for your living room for your birthday??

Andalusia Rug

3. Tyson Dino Nuggets are now called Fun Nuggets. Um Fun Nugget really???

4. Preschoolers have graduation.  They don't hand them a diploma, but a folder with a certificate of congratulations, all of their aptitude tests throughout the year so you can see the progress that has been made, and your bill for June. 

In case you can't tell, Calla is the short little Fun Nugget holding the folder. 

4. Sometimes the movies you loved as a child will come back to haunt you.  Case in point, Calla watched the "Great Muppet Caper" the other day, and came out with this profound statement after it was done.  "Hey Mom, you and Dad are like Kermit the frog, and Miss Piggy."  Come to find out later from her it is because of our looks and personalities.  Great....I am a bossy, overweight pig with an anger management problem, and Dave is skinny and bald.  At least everyone loves Kermit.  He can do no wrong.  Why can't I be Janice, the dippy blond from Dr. Teeth's band?   I guess it could be worse, I could be Gonzo. 

You decide.  Which Muppet are you most like? 

Yes my children match.  I only have a limited time left to do this before they start to protest.  Before you laugh it could be worse.  I grew up in the South in the 80's.  Down there the mom would have even matched the kids and it was probably monogrammed . 

Now if you will excuse me I have to book and appointment with my new stylist who actually works Sundays  (hallelujah!) to make my hair blond again so I can look more like Miss Piggy.  No seriously, I need to be blond again.  The gray that is growing out at my temples is making me look like I have a receeding hairline next to the brown.  See what having a second kid like India will do to you. 

Happy Weekend!