Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Pop Quiz

I didn't want to put up the Christmas tree this year.  Seriously!  I wasn't being lazy or being Grinch like I promise.  But Calla really wanted to put the tree up.  She is 5 and the motherly guilt of depriving my baby of a traditional Christmas kicked in, so with Ingrid's help we hauled everything down from the barn, and put the stinkin thing up Friday.

No sir ree..... I was afraid this would happen:

And it did.  We took precautions.  It is sitting on Calla's desk up off the ground.  It is the smaller of the 2 trees we own, and my parents lent us this cool iron screen thing to hang stockings from and help to block it off.  Yeah, none of that worked.

So I ask you kind friends and family.  Who do you suppose knocked down Señor Tree 5 min. before I had to be at Nutcracker rehearsal last night and 10 min. after Dave walked in from a long work day in Estes Park?

The small child named after a large country?

or The Dipshit Dingo Dog?

Both are fine examples of why I didn't want to put up the freakin' tree in the first place.  In case you were wondering, everyone is ok and about 15 ornaments bit the dust.  Mostly ceramic and German glass ornaments.  Surprisingly the Waterford Crystal one from Ireland held up fine.  Bloody heavy sucker.  And thank God Elmo just lost a leg, because WWIII would have erupted had the red demon been damaged beyond amputation.

Needless to say it gave Dave a chance to decorate the tree this time around with the girls last night while I was gone.

I am also including the obligatory Thanksgiving Turkey Trot photo.  Not because it goes with this post, but because it doesn't really make sense to show you pictures of Thanksgiving after showing you pictures of our Christmas tree.  Even though Target has justified having Christmas up and running since Halloween.  Make sense to you?  No, me either?  Here is the damn photo anyway.

Can you tell Ingrid is the model and not me.  She struck a pose.  Everyone else is relaxed, and I look like I need to poop.  Ok, maybe I did.


P.S.  It isn't too late to get Nutcracker tickets.  If you are planning on going, email me, or text message me, and let me know what show you will be at.  I will try and come and see you at intermission without the Granny wig.

Friday, November 18, 2011

WTF Friday

I am loving Pinterest.  And after the hum dinger of a week we have had at work, this is about all my brain can handle.  Let's just say if you don't have employees who do stupid crap, consider yourself blessed.

So if you have had a week like mine, then you will appreciate these photos.  And no, none of them are my employees, but if you would like to chat about them, PM me and we will commiserate my friends.   

Let's start with this. 

 WTF is this, how is the kid supported, and how the hell do you put it on? I must admit, I peed a bit last night when I saw this.  Something about the expression on the kids face.  How that is enjoyable is beyond me.  Takes swaddling to a whole new level.

Ok, now I know this is digitally enhanced, but it is wrong on so many levels

Hi Todd and Jess!  Happy Thanksgiving, hope you are having a grand ol' time.  When you come home, I am not the one to blame if your llamas happen to look like this.   :)

Um....Caution may cause chafing if sitting for long amounts of time while hiding from your children to look at Pinterest because it is the only 5 min. of peace you get to yourself during the day.

Why????  What purpose does this serve.  Only to fog up the screen.  Maybe if you are having trouble paying attention try turning off the tv genius.  Another reason I don't own turtlenecks.

I would imagine if the Target lady in the track suit and heels had nails this is what they would look like.  Seeing as I don't have any nails, perhaps I should just get a tattoo.  

By the way, this is so my costume next year for Halloween.  The sit ups on the concrete balls outside get me every time.  If you have no bloody idea what I am talking about.  You Tube it please. Now!!!0:32Add to Crazy Target Lady- Montage (2010 Commercial)by cyclops2366619,960 views 

And this.....this is just depressing, and another punch to the gut that I am old, and Grandma is the perfect roll for me to play these days in Nutcracker.  I am glad however I didn't grow up dancing in a communist country where they beat you with a stick, starve you, and force you to dance 6 hrs a day until your toes bleed for no money in front of lots of people.  Wait......  :)

Sorry parents of small children who might be around while this is open.  Calla thought this was cute funny dog, and decided I should post it.  Didn't ya know?  She can't read.  

Adios muchachos.  Off to stuff my face full of egg rolls.  

Sunday, November 13, 2011

PETA on my ass

Ok, so you know that movie Happy Feet?  The one with with all the cute animated penguins that sing and dance? 

If you don’t it’s ok.  Really.  If I didn’t have kids, I probably wouldn’t either.  I would be better able to name the last 3 movies Brad Pitt was in, instead of informing you that the new Muppet movie comes out at Thanksgiving.  In the original Happy Feet there was a character named Lovelace.  He was voiced by Robin Williams.

As you can see Lovelace has one of those 6 pack Coke plastic ring thingies stuck around his neck.  The ones they tell you to cut before you throw it out, because it ends up tangled around wildlife via our rivers and oceans.  


Meet Rhoda.  She is auditioning to be Lovelace’s girlfriend in the new Happy Feet 2 movie.  While she isn’t rocking a plastic Coke holder around her neck, she is sporting the top half of a Styrofoam lid from a takeout container. 

Yesterday we ate lunch at Red Robin. (fitting huh?)  At the end, we boxed up the hamburger bun from my California chicken sandwich (sorry Rho,) and all of the leftover French and sweet potato fries for the chickens.  I guess you could call it a chicken bag instead of a doggy bag, because twit and twat need french fries like they need a hole in their head. 

Today we put out the container with all of the fries for the chickens to munch on.  I left and went to Target ( it is Sunday and the Bronco game was on of course.)  I came home to this.  Freakin chicken loved the fries so much she pecked a hole through the container and was now wearing it around her neck.  Dave finally cornered her and got it off.  Guess it is back to the metal bucket for them.  Perhaps I need to craft a new outfit for Rhoda.  Calla has some popsicle sticks she is saving for a rainy day.  New category for Etsy perhaps?

Hasta Pasta Smile 

All pics except Rhoda courtesy of Google images.  

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Obligatory Kid Halloween pic

Ok, So I know Halloween was like a month ago already, and you are all just dying with anticipation wondering where the heck the obligatory Halloween pic of the kids is?  But it has been doing a lot of this lately:

And I am a bit behind again.

So the kids and twit and twat have been doing this:

The twat was not at all happy about it.  And the twit, well....as you can imagine he was super duper with sprinkles and a cherry on the top excited.  

Unfortunately this also happens:

Which is a huge pain in the ass to clean up especially when you are busy cleaning up everyone else.  

When the snow melts it turns into this:


I would show you my mud room, but I'll spare you.  Whoever named it a mud room was brilliant.  I am also thinking of leaving the huge broken branch on the tree to the left up and dangling.  I think it might scare off the solicitors who come creeping in and change their mind about parking under it to try and sell me wrapping paper or Bibles for the Holiday.

It does however lead to snow on the Rockies out the front door.  (sorry for the crappy phone pic) Could the neighbor have built the riding arena any bigger?  Um....evidentially No.

Before the snow came in, we did this:

At the Denver Zoo.

Didn't realize it was free day at the F'n Zoo until we got down there and I had to park the car on the other side of City Park and 1/2 way back to the Highway.  Thank Buddha for the BOB.  Oh well, it wasn't too awful crowded when we got in (judged of course by the time spent waiting for a potty.)  The day was gorgeous and on the bright side I got my miles 50,000 steps in for the day.

Meanwhile, in case you were wondering because it has been awhile, the Dipshit Dingo Dog ate this:

Because he decided we needed to spend some more money on the damn computer.  The worse part is he did it right next to me without me even knowing.

We also did a lot of this until the leaves got soaking wet:

Which leads us finally to the Obligatory Halloween pic of the kids:

Sorry for the dark picture.  My phone inside a house at 9 pm was not that great.  No India isn't contemplating anything deep or even pooping for that matter.  She was a flower, recycled from 5 yrs. ago, and Calla was a LaLaLoopsy doll.  Not sure what a LaLaLoopsy doll is?


This is a LaLaLoopsy.  She is a plastic doll with a huge head, skinny legs, and buttons for eyes.  Her name is Crumbs Sugar Cookie.  

I am not sure why the font is all jacked out now.  So this is my cue to vamanos, and adios till mañana.