Friday, December 31, 2010

For the love finally!

As many of you know this year my Mom and Dad gifted us with a trip to Disney World in FL for Christmas.  We had a wonderful time, and for the most part it was pretty uneventful. Especially with 4 kids 4 and under.  Thankfully everyone who had the nasty 24hr flu crap puked before we left and India waited until last night at home to cut her top 2 teeth. 

It had its highs.  Such as seeing lots of characters like Rapunzel who is very popular now.  How they decorated the park for Christmas was spectacular.  And just the coolness that is Disney itself and everything it offers is phenomenal.

It had its lows.  Dave and I rode quite possibly the most nauseating and claustrophobic ride known to man, and paid for it for hours afterwards.  We lost the keys to the car briefly in the Goofy parking lot on Christmas day, and after 45 minutes of crawling around with our butts up in the air under rental cars (can we say suspicious looking!) we found them in the stroller.  We got stuck on the Pirate's of Caribbean ride for a 1/2 an hour while they fixed it.  If I never hear "Yo Ho Ho" again I will be fine.  And last but not least, it took poor Rachel 26 hrs to get to Seattle with the girls from Orlando.  Fog in San Fran, and all the snow in the East made it just a cluster #!*% to get home.

But in the end it was a really good time.  We spent a total of 6 days there with 4 1/2 days dedicated to the 4 different theme parks that make up the entity that is Disney World.  To put the picture order in perspective......

Day 1: we travelled from Denver to Orlando and spent the rest of the evening in the Magic Kingdom watching various parades, and fireworks.  What.... like we were going to sit in the hotel and watch "The Santa Clause" for the 100th time on tv.  Chip and Dale performed the Chinese variation from Nutcracker on stage.  I guess it is official. I can now quit my day job and work for Disney.  I am highly qualified for that position and it doesn't matter how much I eat before performing, my costume would always fit. 

Day 2: we went to the Animal Kingdom where we went on Safari and had dinner with the screeching monkeys at the Rainforest Cafe.

Day 3: was our Epcot day.  So many cool places and countries to visit in Epcot.  Dave and I agreed we could have done without the awful horrible spinning space ride and spent more time in the countries shopping for overpriced tchochkies and eating funnel cake.

Day 4: was Christmas day and we went to the Magic Kingdom along with the entire population of Orlando and 1/2 of New Jersey.  So not kidding.  Forget the Mickey sweatshirt, evidently high heeled cha cha boots with skin tight textured leggings and an animal print top are what is in style for a trip to Disney World. :)  I wore a $10 Mickey top from Target.  Guess I am not fashionable.  Bootylicious yes, but not Jerseylicious.

Day 5: was Hollywood Studios, and we were glad for the opportunity to watch indoor stage shows and take it easy.  The weather was actually colder in FL that day then back home in CO.  Dave and I rode a roller coaster that went 60 mph while Aerosmith blared from speakers.  Much much better then Mission to Puke at Epcot.  Only wish we got more pictures of stuff at the "Walt Disney The Man" exhibit.  So cool, and narrated by Julie Andrews.

Day 6, and 7 for some of us, was travelling home.

Like I said we only did Disney itself.  We didn't even attempt Universal Studios, Sea World or Busch Gardens.  That would have required another week.  We couldn't even get to shopping at the killer Factory Outlets because the highways were so crowded with people the day after Christmas that the traffic didn't let up until 10 pm that night.  I guess all those people from Jersey had to go shopping somewhere. 

Train Station @ Main Entrance to Magic Kingdom

Cinderella's Castle lit up @ night


Electrical Light Parade w/ Alice

India loved the Small World dolls
Tree of Life completely carved with animals at Animal Kingdom
As Indie would say "Roar"

Drummers in Japan at Epcot

Mary Poppins in England

Alice also in England

Mulan in China

Snow White in Germany

Pascal and Norah

Calla in her matching costume with Rapunzel and Flynn

Mom and India

Mickey and Minnie

Winnie the Pooh and Dave too

Loving Piglet

Main Street decorated and hoards of people

Beauty and the Beast stage show

Backdrop at Indiana Jones

Stunt show for Indiana Jones
Here is to wishing you all a Merry Belated Christmas,  I hope the New Year brings you Peace, Happiness, and Love.

XOXO! Cara

PS. Yes, I am wearing a sequined Minnie Mouse ear headband!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Disney pics coming soon!

Hi y'all!  Hope everyone had a Merry Navidad.  I know you are waiting to see pics of Disney, but it turns out I am missing a card with the pics from day 2 on it.  So as soon as the roads clear up or I can can send Dave up to the house with the snow plow then I will get things posted.  On a side note thank goodness it is finally snowing.  I was begining to wonder if we would ever get any seeing as it was warmer here in CO than in FL while we were there.  Global warming aside I need to pay some bills, so let it snow let it snow let it snow.

While you wait for photos let me humor you with our own 12 Days of Christmas, Smith, Martin, Doyle style in reflection of our trip.  For the sake of everyone's sanity I'll just start at 12 and go backwards.  Feel free to hum along the tune.  I prefer the Muppets version personally.  :) 

On the 12th day of Xmas my true love gave to me - A 12 Hour Flight
11 Million People
10 Different Mickeys
9 Shopping Sprees
8 Disney Princesses
7 Monorails
6 Stage Shows
5 Golden Funnel Cakes
4 Theme Parks
3 Mylar Balloons
2 Meltdowns
and 1 Missing Set of Car Keys


Thursday, December 9, 2010

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.  It has been 355 days since my last confession.  For the most part we have been pretty good around here this year.  We'll just leave out a few details about some of us and all will be well. 
The girls and I attempted to mail you a letter with what we wanted for Christmas.  I know the Post Office would have been the most logical place to drop off the letter to be mailed, however I needed some makeup and I am all about taking the least amount of trips into town with both kids these days days, so Macy's it was.  As we approached the mailbox to mail the letter a very nice older sales associate saw what we were doing and asked Calla what she was asking Santa for.  Calla responded back something about Olivia.  Because she is all about Olivia the pig these days.  The lady looked at India and said what do you think she would like for Christmas.  I quickly responded "her two front teeth!"  The lady laughed and said "of course, how cute!" This is the point when I realized I should have kept my pie hole shut, because I chimed in again and said, "yeah, and I am willing and ready to trade Santa favors for her to get the teeth, just so she will sleep in her own bed again."   Lets just say it was pretty obvious that the favors I was referring to didn't involve building a new pergola and paver patio for your employees off the side of the Elf Workshop at the North Pole.  So, Santa if you could put some extra candy in Betty, the Sales Associate at Macy's Ft. Collins, stocking this year for me I would appreciate it.  Her poor ears are still burning.

Anyway, moving on.  Like I said before we are trying to live a bit more simply and don't really need much.  For me I would like either a Personal Chef who cooks like The Pioneer Woman, and is also willing to do the dishes.  Because we have a serious case of no one wants to do the dishes around here.  Or I would also be happy with a maid who does the laundry and doesn't complain that I change outfits 3-4 times a day. 
Exhibit A:
Bet you can't guess which pile is mine? 

Like I mentioned before... Indie needs some teeth.  She eats like a hoss and hasn't figured out that she only has two, but is really good at gumming things and getting them down.  She has her sing a ma jig (which only has a couple of teeth too) and really loves it. 

Exhibit B:
  She is also pretty content playing with her silverware and the dog bowl, so toys are not necessarily needed
Exhibit C:

As far as Calla and Dave are concerned, well.....We kind of need to have a chat about that.  Calla of course love anything that has to do with Olivia the pig, and also loves to draw and color.  Dave is not as obsessed with the pig, but also loves to color and draw with Calla usually while Olivia is on tv right before bedtime.  He also loves his tattoos and recently finished his 2nd arm sleeve outline.  However, he has been super busy and hasn't had time to get it filled in, colored, and finished.  This morning I did a double take before he left for work, because something looked a little different. 

Exhibit D:

Santa if you could please bring Dave a gift card to have Ish finish coloring in the tattoos on his left arm, because El Cheepo is resorting to other means.  Calla on the other hand will need some new markers and more coloring books because she is obviously bored with her old ones.  Oh well, I guess it could be worse.  The markers are washable and my walls are clean.  Besides how could you resist a face like this. 
Exhibit E:
But you already knew that.  Because you know everything. 

I am attempting a Christmas party this weekend.  Since I am not doing Nutcracker this year, I figured I could handle a small dinner for family.  So if you could also help me get through that then perhaps I can forgo the personal chef and make Dave do the dishes, but I still need the maid to do the laundry. 

Safe travels
Love always,
Cara :) 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Adventures in Babysitting

Today the girls and I took a field trip.  The library just wasn't cutting it anymore, and India needed a nap longer then 15 min., so when Dave had me call a wrecking salvage yard in Denver yesterday to see if they had a pair of wheels in stock, I jumped on the chance to drive down and pick them up.  He also needed a new wiring harness for a snow plow, and I figured what the hell lets get our Willy Wonka on and tour the candy factory while we are at it, since they are all literally within block of each other in the industrial part Denver.  I did have to explain to Calla that there were not going to be any Oompa Loompas at this candy factory because they were wintering in Cabo this time of the year getting a real tan not a fake orange one out of a bottle.  Nor would there be a waterfall of chocolate awaiting us as we walked in.  She was also told that if she was good on the trip down she could pick out a candy cane at the end of the tour.  And if she wasn't then she would be hanging with Veruca Salt.  Nuf said. 

Anywho, first stop on our field trip..... Crushers.   We input the address into my girlfriend Gigi who lives in the Garmin like a mini Tinkerbell, and we were off.  Gigi of course took us all over the place.  Past smoke stacks, and factories, over the river and finally we arrived at Crushers.  Well it is pretty much was what you would expect.  I made sure we hid the DVD player, the Gigi in the box, the i pod, and all tell tale charging cords and locked the door enough times to hear it beep and in we went.  After waiting in line behind Nacho (so not kidding!) from Nacho's Repair, I was able to talk to Bob.  Now if Santa Claus went on Biggest Looser and had Jillian Michaels yelling at him for about 6 weeks, then that would pretty much sum up Bob.  Bob kindly looked up where my wheels were being held and passed me off to Steve whom I talked to yesterday.  Now Steve had a lovely wavy long (to the mid back) blond ponytail coming off his mullet feathered top.  Calla said he looked like a boy Rapunzel.  All I could notice was his pinky nail was super long as he typed my order in and sent someone off to find them.  My guess was it is not for picking his nose. 

As I was waiting for my wheels and Nacho was waiting for his fuel pump, and this pompus overbearing foreign Dude walked in and started driving all of the nice people behind the counter nuts looking this up, or that up just to find a car door.  Finally Steve was able to pawn the Dude off to someone who would take him out to look at the door.  While he was waiting for the golf cart to pick him up, he looked at me and said "Now what is a nicely dressed lady doing with a baby and a kid in a wrecking yard?"  I simply told him as I shifted India to the other hip because Calla had pretty much crawled in between my legs at this point, "We are just running our errands."  My inner gangsta voice really wanted to respond to him "waitin on my dubs man,"  but I pretty much figured that would get my car keyed, so I just kept cool.  Dude responds back, "Do you take your kids everywhere with you?  This isn't normally a place a lady with kids hangs out on a Tuesday and why not try the Zoo, they might like it better?"  I just nodded and said, "They are well behaved enough to go everywhere I go and it is good experience for them to be around adults too."   At this point I was getting antsy because he was just so damn annoying and my inner smart ass was starting to wake up from her nap.  So before I knew it just to shut him up I looked point blank at him and calmly said, "Look, there are only 2 places my kids can't go with me, the bar, and the strip club.  The only reason they don't go is because their fake id's haven't been working really well lately!"  By this point Nacho had stopped talking to Rafael behind the counter, and was just staring at me.  Next thing I knew everyone started laughing hysterically.  All except the Dude.  Good thing his golf cart had just pulled up because he was made a fool of by a 5'2 chick with 2 babies in a wrecking yard, and he really didn't know how to deal.  I wish I could say he said something back, but he just walked out.  Inner smart ass went back to sleep and off we went with our wheels in search of a wiring harness for the plow, and a deep need for a sugar rush. 

The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful.  No more Dudes or even Oompa Loompas in sight, just sweet old Betty at the tour center door.  Calla wanted to ditch the candy tour after about 3 min. and we ducked out the side door and loaded up on handmade candy canes, suckers, and about a pound of caramel covered marshmallows.  A brief pit stop at Chick Fil A for lunch and she couldn't wait to get home so she take the wheels over to Ed at the CoOp with her Daddy.

My little muffin :)
If anyone would like to join us next Tues. I am thinking a field trip to a shooting range and lunch at a truck stop in WY for a hotdog and a movie is long overdue. Maybe India's fake id will work better across the state line. 

Adios Amigos.  Vaya con Dios!  

PS.  In case any of you were wondering, this is what my trunk looked like at the end of today.  Stroller, Gerber Sweet Potato Puffs, Bumbo seat for a friend, yoga mat, wiring harness, and wheels.  Mission accomplished!  The only thing missing was the large bag of candy.  I made sure it rode home in the front seat with me.  :)  

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Wrecking havoc and then some

So, the last couple of nights I have gotten approx. 3-4 hrs of sleep total each night.  I don't do well on that little.  I need me some sleep people, otherwise I turn into Super Bitch.  Noticed I capitalized the letters, because she is one of those super heroes that teeters on the edge of good and evil, and deserves respect damn it!  :)  Anyway the reason I have had such little sleep is because everyone is snotting and hacking at all godforsaken hours of the night, and unless we start buying stock in Dimetapp, and Robitussin soon, I am done with the meds and allergy sprays. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and attempted to do something about it.  Here's the breakdown:

Amount of time it took me to deep clean dust and wipe the entire house down (except top of kitchen cabinets- too short, and mudroom -too muddy and exhausted) from ceiling to baseboards and cracks and blinds in between above and beyond what I do weekly = 6 hrs

Length of time after all was said and done it took India to grind a 1/2 eaten gummed up graham cracker into the floor and drag along a living room baseboard = 2 min. 

Bottle of Mrs. Meyers cleaner used = 1

Tube of Clorox wipes consumed = 1

# of Mr. Clean sponges and microfiber rags sacrificed = 5

Times I emptied the vacuum canister = 2

Amount of times I cursed God for living in the country with out of control dust and dog hair that builds up along carpet baseboards = 10

Amount of times I praised Jesus for the fact that I only have to clean a 900 sq . ft. house. = 15

Record number of times I sneezed in a row while cleaning = 6

Things that were broken in the process = 1

Hours of sleep I got Tues. night after everyone was tucked into their beds with visions of Sugar Plums dancing in their heads = 6

Ok, so more would have been nice, but hey, I will take what I can get these days. 

Just in case you were wondering what my children were doing while I was channeling my inner Ms. Hannigan.  Well....while Calla was playing her Leapster in a corner somewhere, India was up to no good in the bathroom.  Perhaps she got a lesson from Calla before hand. 

Calla @ 1 yr old

India @ 10 mo old

I guess the candy colored packages are just too cool to resist.  Too bad you aren't seeing the before pictures of the pads stuck to the tub, tampon in the mouth like a cigar and a sea of toilet paper.  I was laughing too hard I peed my pants.  Because folks that's what happens when you have 2 c-sections.   You think I would have learned. 

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Mommy what's a vagina? and other things I have learned this week.

So another week down almost and it has not gone without its moments as usual. 

I opened up Calla's backpack last night to find a detailed letter to the parents stating how the little boys in her Pre K class are showing each other their "privates" during recess.  The letter was to assure the parents that they were dealing with the situation, and it was normal for a 4 yr old to be curious and that they would also be educating the children on when it is ok (ie. at the Dr.'s) and not ok to whip it out for all to see at the multi sensory sand and water table during play hour.  Because that would be sensory overload.  Needless to say, I should start cleaning out her backpack right after school, because it would have explained so much.

C: "Mommy what's a vagina?"
Me: "Um, its your punket (Chamorro for vagina) why are you asking?"
C: "Because we are not supposed to show it to anyone at our school."
Me: "Of course you are not, um is someone at school showing you their vagina baby" (note to self .... WTF I thought they were learning about bats and pumpkins and the letter F not the letter V this week???)
C: "No the boys are."
Me: "Sweetie boys don't have a vagina."
C: "I know, because they can't have babies."
Me: "Correct."
C: "What a silly word vaaagiiiiinaaaa, VAgina, VAGINA!"
Me: "Yes baby, that's why we don't call it that.  Just make sure you don't show anyone your punket ok?"
C: "Ok Mommy......vagina..... Hee Hee Hee Hee."

Other things I have learned this week.

*Projectile vomit from the back seat of the car can land in the front seat after one swallows too much flouride treatment at the dentist.  Oh well, I guess it was time to wash the car seats anyway. 

*Mice prefer brown and green play doh, but not the pink.

*On the other hand India will eat any color of play doh, and prefers pink crayons to gnaw on. 

*I am starting to come to terms with the fact I will never fit into any pair of jeans with the words: slim, narrow, skinny, matchstick, toothpick, jegging, or ultra low on the tag.  Designers, please make bootcut and boyfriend popular again because I am being forced to shop in areas where the words on the tag read: control panel, slimming, stretch, ladies, high waist, womens, curvy, and my personal favorite....not your daughter's. 

*Once you stop breastfeeding your boobs will shrink overnight.  Lovely.....

*I am learning how to be patient and control my inner smart ass.  When the lady at Build a Bear asked me what cool names I had in store for my 3rd child since the other 2 were so unique and when it was due (she was guessing Feb.;) instead of throwing a massive hissy fit  I looked her straight in the eye and told her I had my tubes tied after the 2nd and unless Jesus came to visit last night, I was just fat.  Because when you are blunt it has much more of an impact then a tantrum ever would. 

*I now have a personal trainer who kicks my ass so much to the point I can't feel my ass, and had to actually stop taking ballet class on Sat. because I couldn't shut my legs.  She used to be dancer and is making me do things turned in instead of out.  She also promised never to weigh me, or make me do calf raises.  Because Lord knows my calves are big enough already, and I told her when I get weighed my blood pressure goes sky high and it isn't healthy to have your blood pressure that high while working out.  It is good for me I know.  I may not fit into skinny jeans when we are done, but I can assure you I will not look pregnant, and for this my "vagina" will thank me. 

Have a great weekend.  xoxo

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Hanging with my Homies

I love the Co Op.  I have been hanging out there lately with the farmers, and truck drivers.  Where else can you get a 6"  piece of metal yanked from your tire for the 3 time this year ASAP.  My goal is to go in looking as ragged and pathetic as possible and if India is fussy then extra brownie points, because the men in there are so kid uncomfortable they get me out of there as quickly as possible.  To top it off Ed the manager even looks like Johnny Cash.

Yesterday while waiting for the hunk of junk to be removed from the tire, I wandered over to the store side to feed Calla a healthy breakfast of free popcorn, and fill up my coffee mug.  She then successfully rearranged all of the paint chips on display and when asked what she was doing, explained they looked better that way because pink and purple are soooo much better then brown for a house color.  I was also able to stock up for the winter on chicken shavings and an econo size bucket o' bait for the mice and various other critters I don't have living in my buildings, but it says it kills anyway.  After pulling the dog toys out of India's mouth (she is teething) and arguing with Calla that a stock tank would not make a good swimming pool, I decided it was time to put the stuff on account and head back to the shop to see if the car was ready.

To my luck it was because I think I have read every issue of Truckin, Outdoor Life, Diesel Power, Field and Stream, and the 2 token issues of Oprah, and BH&G from Christmas 2008 they have out for your waiting enjoyment.  Mental note to self - bring coloring book next time.  Explaining to Calla that the man on the magazine cover did not kill Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is just no fun at 7:30 in the morning. 

If you need me, you know where to find me.  :)


Thursday, October 7, 2010



So, since my last post back I referenced June being as busy as October.  Um yeah since it is now October, I am changing my mind.  Every month in between the two has been very busy.  Having 2 kids and a business is not as easy as I assumed.  Seeing as I actually have to entertain India instead of plugging her in front of a Baby Enstein dvd  in her swing while I get some work done.  Right.....   But since I have had a 1/2 a pot of coffee this morning and my shit is finally coming together thanks to Dave convincing me to make an actual schedule, I figured I would clean up the blog while one kid zones out in the magical land that is Sesame Street and the other naps for 15 min.  Too bad Sesame Street is not an actual place like Ikea where you can drop off your kids for an hour and go shopping, read a book, or take a yoga class.  Forget Disneyland.  If Ikea added a gym next to the meatball cafeteria and attached a Super Target off the back and they would be the most popular and happiest place on earth for moms. 

Anywhoo for those of you who have known me for a long time you know about my Guamanian Nanny.  No I did not have a nanny growing up, she was my grandmother who moved to Texas to live with us and took care of my sister and I while my parents were at work, and we just called her Nanny.  Nanny taught us all sorts of things. She taught my sister how to play the piano, make a proper pie crust from scratch and swear in Chamorro.  I learned  how to make a roux, scotch on the rocks (2 knuckles worth and an ice cube swirled around) and that improvising is not a bad thing.  This is why to this day my sister is the baker and knows more naughty Chamorro words then me.  I make a mean mac n cheese from scrach, buy my pie crusts frozen, and always have Crown Royal on hand next to the Jager. And when I am out of cocoa powder I make cakes out of chocolate Slim Fast. 

One of the things Nanny always used to say was "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?!" 
We could have been gone for 10 minutes to the neighbor's house or out for hours.  Of course we always told her where the heck we were going before we left, but it still didn't stop her from asking again, and then again 20 min later.  So instead of explaining where the "Hell" I have been for the last 4 months, I figured I would just show you in pictures. Kind of a like a what I did on my summer vacation photo montage.  And also  because this post has gotten long enough.  I could literally go on for hours with Nanny stories as I am sure many of you can.  One of these days I will post Nanny's chocolate pound cake recipe.  Slim Fast of course is optional.  :)  

On that note it is time to Swiffer the crackers and dog hair off the floor, give Indy some Tylenol for her teeth, find out where Calla and the chickens hiding, check the work emails, and breathe. 

Missed y'all.  XOXO, Cara :)