Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The circle of life

I was going to post pictures about my anniversary but since I am a week late I might as well wait.

Thanks to some sort of messed up global warming fall is starting to come early around here.  The trees are starting to drop leaves about 2 weeks early because things are so hot and dry, and it is bringing out the worst in predatory animals as well.  The dead mice, bunnies, birds, wasps, hoards of grasshoppers, ants, and the funky beetles are nothing but a daily occurrence anymore.

However the nasty looking hawks stalking my chickens are starting to freak me out.  They circle above the coop and sit in the trees and even on the coop roof stalking them and daring them to come out.  My chickens are smart though, and have their own alarm system.  When one sees a hawk, it alerts the rest by squeaking and screeching loudly.  The next thing you know they all go running back into the coop.  So far today the chickens have been outside only once or twice.

Moving on to the snakes.  Like Indiana Jones, I hate snakes.  I have dreams where killer snakes come and eat me.  The movie Snakes on a Plane would terrify me so much, you would never get me on a plane again if I watched it.  Forget the Zombie apocalypse, I am preparing myself for a snake apocalypse.  Enter our friends the prairie rattlesnakes.  I realize that when you live on the prairie you get snakes.  Now I understand bull snakes.  They look like rattlesnakes, but are not venomous.  They just sort of go about their merry way eating the mice.  The f'n rattlesnakes though are even nastier then the hawks, and I can't handle them.  Why the hawks can't eat the snakes is beyond me.  Today while Dave and the employees were loading up they came across a baby rattlesnake hiding behind some equipment in the shop.  Only about a ft. long and 2 - 3 rattles.  Since all of my employees are farm or ranch kids they get excited about this kind of crap and throw the dead bodies in the back of their pickups to take home.  Fine with me.  Just don't ask me to go get anything out of that building for awhile.

And for the 3rd predator of the day, the Jehovah's Witnesses showed up again.  I of course told them all sorts of lies while my dipshit dingo dog turned into Kujo.  All the while I was on the phone with my irrigation supply distributor who was laughing his ass off in the background at my excuses and told me I was going to Hell.  Thanks.  I am thinking that next time I might hang some of the dead carcasses around here on the front door.  That might make them go away, because the no soliciting, trespassing sign ain't working' folks.

So, as a result I have declared Monday i.e. Labor Day purge day.

Not to be confused with Sunday which is binge and purge day.  Binge and purge day usually occurs after my first company ballet class back after a long summer break.  On Saturday I will squeeze my hiney butt and mommy gut into tights and a leotard.  I will have an awful class because I am old, and will then spend the better half of the class wondering why I am torturing myself, but will push myself anyway jumping around like I am 18.  This will result in me having trouble getting out of bed on Sunday because I am so sore.  And while I am on this downward spiral I will most likely make a huge Pioneer Woman meets Paula Deen inspired breakfast to make myself feel better.  After I binge on all the yummy food, I will remember how I got myself into this situation in the first place and start to feel bad, and remind myself that I need to get it together.  Then I will spend the remainder of the day purging all of the cabinets of bad food and making meal plans that involve kale, peas, rice, and spray butter.  My family loves me during this time let me just tell you.  It's ok, I know I have issues.

Anyway, back to Monday.  On Monday we will purge.  Purge all sort of crap where the snakes can hide.  Wood piles, piles of materials, etc.  I will probably purge a bunch of stuff in the basement too. Hopefully by doing so we can encourage all of the critters to find another home and just go away.

Because I can't handle all this hawk in the tree, and the snake in the shop, and the mouse in the barn, and the missionary on the porch, green grass grows all around and around crap is starting to wear a bit on me.

Any predators hanging out at your house?  They can be animal or your creepy neighbor you pick. :)


No comments:

Post a Comment