Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Trespassers will be shot

So for those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you will know I have been ranting about our ongoing issue with people dropping by the house randomly during the day wanting to sell me crap.  Or the Jehovah's Witnesses trying to save my poor heathen soul.  The sellers range from people who have framed aerial photos of the property taken 4 or more years ago, to some sketchy looking dude in a beat up pickup truck selling mystery meat out of a large Igloo cooler in the back.  The photo wouldn't have been bad, but it included 1/2 of my neighbor's property and all of the unwanted HOA lots behind us.  Stupid.  Too bad I don't get any visits from the Girl Scouts.  I could use a Thin Mint right about now.  Oh, who am I kidding, I could use an entire sleeve of Thin Mints.  Whatever is getting old, especially since it is so hot these days and if the baby and I don't feel like wearing pants in the front yard, then so be it.  It is part of the reason we moved to the country.  Privacy, and so I can run around 1/2 naked of course.  

So I trekked it to Wally World earlier this week to the Hunting Dept. to find a sign to hang on our driveway gates that says "TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT"  No big deal, especially out here.  I figured for sure they would have one.  Um, no.  In fact the hunting guy laughed at me and sent to the Home Improvement section to see what they had.  He said it wouldn't be ethical of them to sell a sign like that at the store.  I said it is Wal Mart after all, didn't corporate get the TPS report about all of the types of interesting people that shop at Ye Olde Mart, and might be in the market for a sign like that?    He was not amused, and didn't know what a TPS report was and then proceeded to ask if there was anything else he could help me find like a pink hat that said Winchester perhaps?  I laughed, thanked him for his time and wheeled it over to the lock and paint section.  The signs they had were super generic and ranged from BEWARE OF DOG, to GARAGE SALE.  They didn't exactly have the message I was looking to portray.  So, I decided to pick up a can of paint and headed home to make my own damn sign. 

Well when I got home, I couldn't find anything to paint that wouldn't look too ghetto.  I was thinking more shabby chic Martha crafty or vintage knock off Pottery Barn looking.  A friend suggested an old tire, but the only spare tires we weren't using that I could find were lawn mower tires.  They were only big enough to write F#%$ YOU, or GO AWAY, on.  Well needless to say when Dave came home and saw me with a can of spray paint, he knew I wasn't doing a craft project with the kids.  He nixed the tire idea, and told me just to go back to Hell Mart and pick up the same sign all of our neighbors up and down the street have. 

BOO!  :(  So Boring.  Besides no one abides by these.  It needs to get the point across.  Dave said he didn't want any more attention drawn to the house considering we are hanging out in the front yard with no pants on in the first place.  

Oh Well.  So far this week no one has showed up.  So we shall see. 

For those who have asked about how Rusty was doing. 

He is fine. Just freakin fine. The toys, not so fine. The mama doll is now referred to as Captain Hook.  
Off to make a craft project with the girls.  Has anyone seen my Stapler? 

Redneck Woman

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