Mommy what's a vagina? and other things I have learned this week.

So another week down almost and it has not gone without its moments as usual. 

I opened up Calla's backpack last night to find a detailed letter to the parents stating how the little boys in her Pre K class are showing each other their "privates" during recess.  The letter was to assure the parents that they were dealing with the situation, and it was normal for a 4 yr old to be curious and that they would also be educating the children on when it is ok (ie. at the Dr.'s) and not ok to whip it out for all to see at the multi sensory sand and water table during play hour.  Because that would be sensory overload.  Needless to say, I should start cleaning out her backpack right after school, because it would have explained so much.

C: "Mommy what's a vagina?"
Me: "Um, its your punket (Chamorro for vagina) why are you asking?"
C: "Because we are not supposed to show it to anyone at our school."
Me: "Of course you are not, um is someone at school showing you their vagina baby" (note to self .... WTF I thought they were learning about bats and pumpkins and the letter F not the letter V this week???)
C: "No the boys are."
Me: "Sweetie boys don't have a vagina."
C: "I know, because they can't have babies."
Me: "Correct."
C: "What a silly word vaaagiiiiinaaaa, VAgina, VAGINA!"
Me: "Yes baby, that's why we don't call it that.  Just make sure you don't show anyone your punket ok?"
C: "Ok Mommy......vagina..... Hee Hee Hee Hee."

Other things I have learned this week.

*Projectile vomit from the back seat of the car can land in the front seat after one swallows too much flouride treatment at the dentist.  Oh well, I guess it was time to wash the car seats anyway. 

*Mice prefer brown and green play doh, but not the pink.

*On the other hand India will eat any color of play doh, and prefers pink crayons to gnaw on. 

*I am starting to come to terms with the fact I will never fit into any pair of jeans with the words: slim, narrow, skinny, matchstick, toothpick, jegging, or ultra low on the tag.  Designers, please make bootcut and boyfriend popular again because I am being forced to shop in areas where the words on the tag read: control panel, slimming, stretch, ladies, high waist, womens, curvy, and my personal favorite....not your daughter's. 

*Once you stop breastfeeding your boobs will shrink overnight.  Lovely.....

*I am learning how to be patient and control my inner smart ass.  When the lady at Build a Bear asked me what cool names I had in store for my 3rd child since the other 2 were so unique and when it was due (she was guessing Feb.;) instead of throwing a massive hissy fit  I looked her straight in the eye and told her I had my tubes tied after the 2nd and unless Jesus came to visit last night, I was just fat.  Because when you are blunt it has much more of an impact then a tantrum ever would. 

*I now have a personal trainer who kicks my ass so much to the point I can't feel my ass, and had to actually stop taking ballet class on Sat. because I couldn't shut my legs.  She used to be dancer and is making me do things turned in instead of out.  She also promised never to weigh me, or make me do calf raises.  Because Lord knows my calves are big enough already, and I told her when I get weighed my blood pressure goes sky high and it isn't healthy to have your blood pressure that high while working out.  It is good for me I know.  I may not fit into skinny jeans when we are done, but I can assure you I will not look pregnant, and for this my "vagina" will thank me. 

Have a great weekend.  xoxo

Hanging with my Homies

I love the Co Op.  I have been hanging out there lately with the farmers, and truck drivers.  Where else can you get a 6"  piece of metal yanked from your tire for the 3 time this year ASAP.  My goal is to go in looking as ragged and pathetic as possible and if India is fussy then extra brownie points, because the men in there are so kid uncomfortable they get me out of there as quickly as possible.  To top it off Ed the manager even looks like Johnny Cash.

Yesterday while waiting for the hunk of junk to be removed from the tire, I wandered over to the store side to feed Calla a healthy breakfast of free popcorn, and fill up my coffee mug.  She then successfully rearranged all of the paint chips on display and when asked what she was doing, explained they looked better that way because pink and purple are soooo much better then brown for a house color.  I was also able to stock up for the winter on chicken shavings and an econo size bucket o' bait for the mice and various other critters I don't have living in my buildings, but it says it kills anyway.  After pulling the dog toys out of India's mouth (she is teething) and arguing with Calla that a stock tank would not make a good swimming pool, I decided it was time to put the stuff on account and head back to the shop to see if the car was ready.

To my luck it was because I think I have read every issue of Truckin, Outdoor Life, Diesel Power, Field and Stream, and the 2 token issues of Oprah, and BH&G from Christmas 2008 they have out for your waiting enjoyment.  Mental note to self - bring coloring book next time.  Explaining to Calla that the man on the magazine cover did not kill Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is just no fun at 7:30 in the morning. 

If you need me, you know where to find me.  :)



 

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?!

Ok......

So, since my last post back I referenced June being as busy as October.  Um yeah since it is now October, I am changing my mind.  Every month in between the two has been very busy.  Having 2 kids and a business is not as easy as I assumed.  Seeing as I actually have to entertain India instead of plugging her in front of a Baby Enstein dvd  in her swing while I get some work done.  Right.....   But since I have had a 1/2 a pot of coffee this morning and my shit is finally coming together thanks to Dave convincing me to make an actual schedule, I figured I would clean up the blog while one kid zones out in the magical land that is Sesame Street and the other naps for 15 min.  Too bad Sesame Street is not an actual place like Ikea where you can drop off your kids for an hour and go shopping, read a book, or take a yoga class.  Forget Disneyland.  If Ikea added a gym next to the meatball cafeteria and attached a Super Target off the back and they would be the most popular and happiest place on earth for moms. 

Anywhoo for those of you who have known me for a long time you know about my Guamanian Nanny.  No I did not have a nanny growing up, she was my grandmother who moved to Texas to live with us and took care of my sister and I while my parents were at work, and we just called her Nanny.  Nanny taught us all sorts of things. She taught my sister how to play the piano, make a proper pie crust from scratch and swear in Chamorro.  I learned  how to make a roux, scotch on the rocks (2 knuckles worth and an ice cube swirled around) and that improvising is not a bad thing.  This is why to this day my sister is the baker and knows more naughty Chamorro words then me.  I make a mean mac n cheese from scrach, buy my pie crusts frozen, and always have Crown Royal on hand next to the Jager. And when I am out of cocoa powder I make cakes out of chocolate Slim Fast. 

One of the things Nanny always used to say was "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?!" 
We could have been gone for 10 minutes to the neighbor's house or out for hours.  Of course we always told her where the heck we were going before we left, but it still didn't stop her from asking again, and then again 20 min later.  So instead of explaining where the "Hell" I have been for the last 4 months, I figured I would just show you in pictures. Kind of a like a what I did on my summer vacation photo montage.  And also  because this post has gotten long enough.  I could literally go on for hours with Nanny stories as I am sure many of you can.  One of these days I will post Nanny's chocolate pound cake recipe.  Slim Fast of course is optional.  :)  

On that note it is time to Swiffer the crackers and dog hair off the floor, give Indy some Tylenol for her teeth, find out where Calla and the chickens hiding, check the work emails, and breathe. 

Missed y'all.  XOXO, Cara :)

Things I have learned this past month

June is a very busy month for us.  Probably as busy as October, but worse.  We have had rain, snow, sun, hail, tornadoes, etc.etc.  Believe me it is nice to be busy especially in these uncertain times, but holy crap I didn't realize how busy I would actually be personally with 2 kids.  I told someone at ballet the other day that I actually am feeling what it is like to experence being a parent to a newborn.  India is the polar opposite of Calla.  She was a piece of cake with pink frosting, sprinkles and a cherry on top compared to my new little monster. 

For starters India is quite possibly the hottest baby I have ever seen.  The child is like a furnace.  Now I run hot, but I actually laughed at some chick the other day in line at REI when it was over 90 degrees.  India was in just a onesie, and she asked, "oh did she have an accident, where are her clothes?"  Me: "Um this is her clothing?"  Her: "Why the poor thing must be freezing in just that bodysuit?"  Me: "Actually she is sweating."  Her: "oh!"   It didn't hit me until I saw her again in the parking lot as I was changing Indee's diaper in the back of my car that the chick was wearing a freakin polar fleece jacket and capri pants.  Seriously, it must be nice to run cold.  I might be able to save money on regular antipersperant and not have to buy the expensive sport prescription strength.  I know I have atomic armpits.  I go through white t shirts like nobody's business.  Indee is doomed. 

She also hates to be put down.  No big deal cute cuddly baby.  Yeah no.  After 1 min of cuddling and screaming for 20 min that she doesn't want to be in her carseat on the way into town, I might get along better if she became like my 3rd arm.  Oh yeah she snores too, when she actually decides she has finally had enough and falls asleep.  But hey I think I will keep her especially when she does this 24/7:

I guess I used to do this when I was a kid too.  My Dr. back then thought I had down syndrome, India's Dr. thinks she is normal.  Dave is still convinced I am not normal. 

Lets see what else have I learned this past month

Getting your child ready for a ballet performace takes just as long as getting yourself ready for a ballet performance.  Exhibit A. Meet Jon Benet Ramsey:

I am still not fan of watching other kids dance, but mine was too precious.  She knew all of the steps and was even ahead of the teacher on stage.  Go figure:) She had a lot of fun being a bubble.  And yes, the tutu is a regular part of our wardrobe, but the blue eyeshadow, hot pink lips and ringlets are not thank God!

Yes, India did have on a tutu, and a giant flower on her head.  Sue me!  

Moving on.

I learned how to put up a tent all by myself.  The rain fly didn't make it on since I am too short. 

The chickens even like it

For the love!!!!

Now if y'all will excuse me I am exhausted beyond belief.  I still have 6 loads of laundry to put away.  I am super behind since you know who didn't want to be in the front pack while I put the laundry away during Glee.  Yesterday I managed to drop off, pick up, feed and nap children in the car.  Order, buy, deliver and return plants for the jobsite all in the car.  Made a bank deposit, paid the bills online, bought wine and cards for clients, took two trips to the post office, and even managed to refinanced my house in the car.  Seriously.  I am so done.  But I do have to look on the bright side.  My dishes are done!  Cue angels singing now. 

Adios

.
 

Things I learned this week

Well it has been one of those weeks to say the least.  I have learned some pretty important lessons along the way. 

Like the fact that even in preschool it is still a popularity contest.  Just not with the kids but the parents.  For those of you wondering how the scrapbook picture thing at Calla's school went, yes she did take in my wedding photo, and it did spend the week taped to the wall below Dora the Explorer.  Ayuda me! No one brought in a scrapbook, however one kid did bring in the actual dog instead of the picture.  Too bad we are leaving because if they had studied chickens I could have picked up Henrietta's fat butt and shoved her into a cat carrier and hauled her into the preschool.  Who would have been the popular mommy then?  Booya!

Some of the other things I learned this week:

How to add more music to this blog so you don't hear turn turn turn over and over and over. 

Starbucks now has the ability to make frappuccinos with soy milk.  Hello, its about freakin time. 

I should not start a diet at the same time I have my period, and am breastfeeding a monster.  For example, the other day I started out good.  An organic free range :) egg white, basil, and feta omlette with an english muffin.  45 minutes later after feeding the baby I was hungry and decided a soy frappuccino was in order.  Well Calla was hungry, and rather then listen to her whine about how she is sick of granola bars, I decided a blueberry scone was a good idea.  Of course once the blueberry scone was purchased she decided the granola bar was just fine, leaving me with the blueberry scone. Ok, twist my arm.  11:30 / noon rolls around and it is lunch time.  We were headed to the grocery store that afternoon and didn't have any normal adult lunch stuff, so I had a can of spaghetti o's and a grilled cheese with Calla.  It's not like I was eating Beefaroni or something by Hormel.  Well, by the time I added it all up I was left with no points left for the day, so as not to go over, I spent the rest of the day eating things with 0 points.  That means dinner consisted of pickles, wasa bread crisps, pea pods and jello. What did I learn that day.....Caramel frappuccinos have less points then strawberry creme frappuccinos, and that light whipped cream out of a can is que fabuloso on jello.

The reason I started the diet in the first place is because I learned this week I have no fashion sense.  I have decided my style is Target maternity meets Gap kids, who had a love child with REI.  In other words I am a hot mess who dresses like she is either still pregnant or like a child, but with a bit of a sporty attitude thrown in.  I do have clothes that could make me like a trend setting college kid who shops at Anthropologie, or a carefree sophisticated person with a laidback and effortless wardrobe from the Sundance or J Crew catalog.  However I just don't fit into them the way I would like.  You know like one of those Athleta catalog models.  Besides if I have to stuff myself into a swimsuit to take Calla to swim lessons, I best get on it.  Then again I could always make Dave take her and spare myself the agony. 

Anyway moving on. Oh, the things you can learn while listening to your child play peacefully by herself while you work.  She had her Barbies all set up and was playing nice until I hear her tell Ken to "get the hell out of the car." 

Me:  Um, Calla honey what did you just say?
Her:  Nothing!
Me:  Um, did you just tell Ken to get the hell out of the car?
Her:  Yes, he was bad and wasn't listening.  Why?
Me:  Calla we don't say things like that, that's why.
Her:  Ok (resumes playing)

I leave the room to go to the bathroom and come back and find this: (Sorry turn the pic sideways)

Me: Um, Calla
Her: Yes Mommy
Me: Why is Ken in the corner?
Her: He is in a time out.
Me: Why, what did he do?
Her: He wouldn't get the hell out of the car when Barbie asked him to. 

For the love I swear I am getting nowhere here.

I learned that sticking your tongue out at drivers who piss you off is much more effective then flipping them off.  The driver is totally caught off guard because they don't expect it, and it is way easier then trying to explain why I am shaking my middle finger at someone to a 4 yr old.  I have visions that if I was to flip someone off once, then the 4 yr old in the back seat would flip everyone off while driving. 

Lets see..... what else have I learned.

I learned that chickens prefer organic balsamic vinagrette to caesar dressing, but the dog will eat leftover salad that has been in the rain and picked over by chickens either way.  Preferably with a side of chicken poop.  Did I tell you the dog also showed up at the back door the other day with an egg in her mouth.  Not cracked, perfect.  I just wish she could talk and tell me where the rest of them are because this daily egg hunt is starting to get on my nerves.  I wouldn't mind so much if it actually included marsmallow Peeps and Cadbury chocolate eggs at the end. 

I learned that India will throw up pretty much any formula in a bottle you feed her 30 seconds after she is done.  Lactose free, soy based, acid reflux with rice, generic, name brand.  She isn't particular.

No she doesn't have huge feet.  Come on she is my kid.  It's just the angle.

And finally I learned that its ok to put your child to bed in a Disney princess nightgown Tuesday night, only to have her wake up Wednesday morning and wear it for the entire day, and then fall asleep in it and wear it to bed again that night.  Heck the only thing we changed today were her underwear and princess cha cha shoes.  What can I say I didn't get out of my pj's till 3 pm when I realized that if I had enough energy to put on actual clothes and drive my lazy butt into town it would be 1/2 price happy hour for frappuccinos down at the local Starchunks.  Plowing snow messes up your entire day even if you aren't the one doing it.  

Adios.  I'm off  to bed so I can wake up bright and early to stalk some chickens. 

XOXO

Keeping up with the Jones

Calla goes to a really nice preschool.  We wanted her to go somewhere where she would actually learn something cause Lord knows I don't have the attention span or patience to teach her all of the things kids are expected to know before getting to kindergarten instead of actually learning it there.  I would be in some serious trouble teaching her how to tell time on a regular clock and make change from a $20.  However I would so rock the twisting of little colored paper tissue squares on the end of a pencil to make a fish or a butterfly picture.  So far we are really impressed and happy.  She can write her name, her vocabulary is out of this world, and she has blossomed socially.  Wow....I making it sound like she is part of a tampon commercial. 

Anyway, moving on. 

Issue # 1:   When we picked her up last week at school she mentioned one of her little friends was done with school until fall.  The friend's mommy decided to make cupcakes with sprinkles for the entire class that day as a going away thing for the kids to remember the little girl.  Ok......  Calla is leaving the preschool next month to go to a new school that she will stay in through 8th grade.  Am I expected to make cupcakes, muffins or something involving some effort and a Martha Stewart recipe for all of the kids in her class?  For the love, I don't have the time or the energy to do that, let alone try and find my pastery bag and tips.  India is officially attached to my body any opportunity she gets.  Preferably the boob area.  Is this what is expected of me now that Calla is in school? 

Issue # 2:  Earlier in the week we looked in her box for her report as we were leaving and there was a note from her teachers saying that next week was pet week.  She is supposed to bring in a picture of her pets and a stuffed animal to talk about in circle on Monday.  No biggie right?  So we took some pictures in the yard of Calla and the dogs and even the chickens after school.  My intention was not to keep up with all of the cool mommies in her class who will likely scrapbook something pretty for their kids.  Now believe me you I love to scrapbook, and shopping at the scrapbook store makes me manic and giddy all at the same time because my mind starts spinning with all of the projects I could create and oh my look at all of the stickers, and doo dads and paper......I could seriously spend hours in there trying to create 1 page, or a card, or a tag.  Sorry ADD moment.  My intentions were to print out some of the pictures we took and send them with her. Well..... as much as I love my i phone, 2 trips to Target couldn't produce any pictures.  Now I could download the pictures to the computer and save them to a cd or memory stick and print them out that way.  That would be thinking ahead though. 

So here we are.  Its Sunday night 11 pm and I have 2 choices.  Option 1. back up the pictures, drag my tired ass to the 24 hr Wally World print out the pictures, come back an hour later, cut and paste the pictures of chickens and dogs, and make her look really good like we spent all weekend working on the project together.  Option 2. Just give her the framed picture hanging on my bedroom wall of Dave and I at our wedding with the 2 dogs, and let it go.  Seeing as I can't remember when I took a shower last, you guess which option I chose. 

I just can't do it anymore, and that isn't a bad thing.  I can't keep up with the Jones it is just too exhausting.  It isn't that I couldn't play the game if I tried or wanted to, it just isn't important to me.  That and try as hard as I might, denim designers just don't have my ass and short legs in mind when they are designing $200 jeans.  Besides, the Amish don't wear designer jeans?  Now if there was some way I could just email the pictures to her school that would be fantastic.  I don't have to shower to do that.  Don't kids do their homework that way these days anyway?  So on that note here are some of the pictures I took.  I'm off to take a shower and dig up some cupcake recipes.  Better get on that now. 

Notice Rhoda in the background begging for food

PS. Please don't ask me to put the wedding photo up here.  I don't have a digital of it, and if I can't figure out how to use my i phone there is no way I am talented enough to figure out how to use the scanner.  Guess y'all will just have to go to circle time tomorrow to see it.   

XOXO, Cara:)

  

To Everything there is a Season

Spring is here, which means maintenance and cleaning around these parts.  It was a rainy day here.  Calla spent time watching movies and I spent the day holding India and categorizing hundreds of job and family photos from 2009.  Still not done.  As I was looking back at the past year I started to think about the song Turn Turn Turn.  Hope you enjoy!

To everything there is a season

and a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born

A time to die

A time to plant

A time to reap

A time to kill (well.....we kill time)

A time to heal

A time to laugh

A time to weap

To everything there is a season

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up

A time to break down

A time to dance

A time to mourn

A time to cast away stones

A time to gather stones together

To everything there is a season

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time of love

A time of hate

A time of war

A time of peace

A time you may embrace

A time to refrain from embracing

To everything there is a season

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain

A time to lose

A time to rend

A time to sew

A time for love

A time for hate

A time for peace

I swear its not too late

xoxo, me :)