Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Workin' 9-5

Sometimes the word "work" is a 4 letter word.  One of those bad words that Calla isn't supposed to say at a school.

When you own your own business, you may be able to turn off the light and lock the door, When you own your own business, work out of your home and with your husband, work is never-ending.  Sometimes Dave works so hard, it is pretty cray cray.  And since he isn't a Spring Chicken anymore we decided to get him some help.  A friend of mine mentioned to me earlier last year in a class at the gym that a friend of hers was looking to relocate with his wife to Ft. Collins.  He was a landscaper in a different state working for a company very similar to ours.  Long story short, we hired him, and he starts tomorrow.  (So excited!)

We also hired another guy to work as a general laborer to be a jack of all trades.  He will mow, landscape, and get to be the company pretty boy I send out when someone's sprinkler system is freaking out and he will make everything better.  :)

Truth be told, when you put up an ad on Craig's List you never know what you will get.  I picked through 30 applicants that wanted the job based on the description we posted.  Keep in mind we were hiring a general laborer who knew his head from a hole in the ground.  Hah!  And they had to be willing to work for relatively cheap of course.

We had one guy who applied for the job who had over 20 yrs. of experience as an electrician for the city.  Did I mention I was hiring a landscaper????  Best part was he emailed from Guam.  Wanted me to know there was a significant time difference if we wanted to chat on the phone.  Yes sir, I know where Guam is and I even know how to make red rice so it isn't mushy or crunchy.  But Hafa Adai Dude you are an electrician not a landscaper.

About 6 of the resumes came from the Department of Corrections.  5 of those were from work release, been there done that, and 1 was still locked up?  (Yeah, you figure it out?)    3 of them had their wife or girlfriend email in response to the ad. 1 of those women had an electronic signature at the bottom of the email complete with blinking purple sparkle hearts and the name "Tonya." I have this vision of "Tonya" in my head as being a 47 yr. old cougar biker chick who smokes, wears tight acid washed jeans, high heels, and has a purse with fringe.  Some of them even considered themselves to be landscapers, because they helped their Dad to install some sod about 10 yrs. ago in high school over summer break.

The first guy we interviewed wanted to rework our business to make it his own.  He also wanted a "bennie" package so he could have a 401 K, health insurance, unemployment through the winter, and for us to sign off that he was employed to the mortgage company so he could get a house loan.  Um..Bye Bye. 1st day you work for me, you sign a form for that says I know my job is SEASONAL!

My favorite job candidates though were not just the ones who had really bad grammar, but the ones that responded back to the email in Text language.  Not sure what I am talking about??? Here, let me enlighten you:

Hi i m John.  i saw ur hiring.  I m intrstd in job.  pls call soon so can tlk abt job.  thx.  John

So not kidding.  Gee um, wndr why u rn't getn hired?  LOL! WTF!  See it's fun, but come on.  I can't pull my hair out anymore.  It just doesn't grow back like it used to.

Unfortunately when you just need general laborers Craig's List is pretty much it, unless you put up a print ad on the bulletin board at Whole Foods or the bagel shop or something.  But at least it is done for this season.  Now....we just need the phone to ring so we can get this party started.   Next time I have to hire someone, I am trying this, because why not.  What the Hell.

image via pinterest

LYLAS ur new BFF,  Me:)


  1. um, we had a guy with a military career apply for a nanny position last year...although I think artillery certification is important, and being a squad leader is awesome..not sure how my kids would react to this particular 'style'. Oh, and did I mention he was a sniper. yep. crazy town. And I have had more 'text' style responses to my emails than I can count, really??? omg. we have to make sure our kids aren't this dense. seriously makes me want to never give them a cell phone.

  2. I totally forgot about the manny. I had no idea about the sniper part!!! He could have taught them some valuable life skills I am sure. O would have had a fit. The whole kid cell phone thing is kind of a "thing" with me. I recently sent Calla to a church with a friend and we needed to pick her up at a certain time. Since there were parents there with phones it wasn't a problem, but it did make me think as I tucked a business card in her pocket so she would have our phone number in case there was some sort of meltdown trauma and she blanked out her phone number, that in a few years it might just make sense to give her a phone to call. but then take it away when she gets home because if someone gave me a phone that early lord knows what I would have done with it. Not quite sure how to deal with that yet, just like I am not sure how the hell to explain a penis either.