Well thanks to the new count every calorie eating disorder app I recently downloaded onto my phone, I am keeping track of everything I am eating and exercising. This is good, because it makes me aware of how much is going into the old pie hole, and believe me it ain't pie.
I do how however feel like I am being held hostage again by the Captain Crunch and his slutty girlfriend Little Debbie. It seems that Debbie convinced the good Captain that he needed to trade in his ship for the winter and they are now rollin in a pimped out RV, complete with a fireplace.
Knowing that Valentine's day was just around the corner they decided to stop in and check on things and see if they could offer any of their services. Now when Debbie opened the door to the RV dressed in animal print jeggings, platform cha cha shoes, fake fur lined jacket, and sporting a Snookie poof, I was pretty hesitant, but she had me at "buy one box of valentine's treats get one free for $1.50." The Captain explained that making rice krispy treats for Calla's class wasn't going to work because Snap, Crackle and Pop were vacationing with the Keebler Elves in Palm Springs for the week, so store bought cookies were out of the question as well.
I tried to put them off, and mentioned that my good friend the Quaker man and his new wife Hersey were coming by later to help me make some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from a recipe they found at their homestead the Tollhouse and I should be good. But Debbie honed in on my weak spot while swigging her scotch on the rocks and played the kid card. She knew how overwhelmed I was feeling with work junk, and knew that the new Nanny / French housekeeper Yoplait was not starting until March 1st. So naturally how would I find the time to make cookies if I were so busy with work that India and Calla were stuck watching Elmo videos and playing with their pet Goldfish and dog Frito by themselves again. She also told me that she knew her Italian Grandmother Stouffer and Uncle Chef Boyardee came to stay last week while everyone was too sick to cook, so what is the harm?
Well I caved and let her into the mud room only, and that 20 kids = exactly 2 boxes of snack cakes. Nothing left over for me. That was the plan until Calla reminded me that her teachers need valentines too. For the love, can't we just give them a card and call it good. Nope not for Miss Perfect. So before Debbie and the Captain pulled up wheels and headed out to find their next victim, they left me with another box for the teachers. Just in case I was tempted to let that hussy Betty Crocker and her pimp Duncan Hines in to make cupcakes instead. And would you take a look there. After you portion out the cakes for the teachers there are 2 packages left. Staring at me everytime I leave the house. UGH!!!! So far so good, but like I said before I am being held hostage by these stupid cakes. Guess it is time for a trip to visit my Nuritionist/Therapist Kashi. She always knows what to do in these situations. Wish me luck!
Make sure you check back next week when the effects of the Thera Flu have worn off, the taxes are finally at the Accountant's office, and we are back to our somewhat normal selves. In the meantime turn up the volume on your computer and enjoy the Valentine's playlist.
XOXO, Cara
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