Where the hell have you been Wednesday!

I am alive.  Sort of.  This new school schedule has taken some getting used to, but it is working ok.  I am consuming more coffee then normal, but then again who isn’t.  We have also been really busy with extracurricular activities.  No I don’t mean Calla is doing ballet, gymnastics, soccer, banjo, and skeet shooting all in the same week, but we have had things going on it seems like every weekend, and even during the week at times for the past month.  For example, the school had some sort of night at Rollerland tonight from 6-8 pm.  I didn’t have enough coffee creamer, energy or hand sanitizer to even deal with that.  Those of you who know me well know I am not used to this kind of activity.  I prefer curling up on the weekends with a pan of brownies and 10 loads of laundry.  Seriously!  My minimalist sister thinks it is ridiculous and obscene that I own that many clothes to even wash, but hey I have gotten behind. 

So hows about I fill you in, in list form, some of the things that have been happening in and around our happy household because I am too tired to actually compose real paragraphs.  Don’t worry I’ll spare you the pics of my laundry and dishes.

1. Elmo is my new babysitter.  My last one had to go back to school.  And when I mean school, I don’t mean CSU I mean kindergarten. 

I have successfully found the red demon on 3 different PBS channels.  This buys me  3 hours worth of working bliss.  I fill in with DVD’s when necessary, like the rest of the working day. 

2. Things the Dipshit Dingo Dog has eaten or brought dead to us this week:

-5 raw eggs  including the shells.  Egg Foo Young has stunk for the last 2 days.

-1 bunny head – UPDATE- Roger Rabbit’s body has been found and has been reunited with its head in the dumpster.  Found Rusty tossing it around the yard like a tube sock.  Not sure what happened to it, or who killed it, but the ears are still missing. 

-1 petrified green mouse (green from the bait)

-2 rolls of toilet paper

-1 run over crunchy flattened toad

-1 diaper full of poop

And it is only Wednesday. We still have the rest of the week to see what Senor Huevo Ranchero digs up next.   Also, did I mention our dumpster is dumped every other Tuesday.  They came yesterday.  At least the flies have something else to focus on for the time being. 

3.  Did I mention I am playing Grandma in the Nutcracker.  She is a drunk at times.  I guess this means if I forget my steps I can just wing it, and have a drink or 6 to “calm” my nerves before the show.  I am ok with this.  I don’t have the ability to rehearse during the week, the whole kids, husband, work thing kind of gets in the way of me being a prima donna ballerina.  Therefore Snow and Chinese rolls are out the question.  Especially if I am planning on getting drunk before the show. 

Not quite drunk in this picture but well on my way. 

4.  Number of large scale projects going on here at the compound  at the same time = 6.  We’re not at all busy, perhaps we should have a party.  I’ll just hide the concrete forms, mow the obnoxiously green seeping leach field, and make Dave slap a new roof on the 40 x 60 shop real quick before everyone comes over.

5. This freakin Kindergarten homework is killing me.  Calla is in tears every time she brings home a handwriting assignment.  Oh she can write just fine.  Heck, she writes my shopping lists for fun, but she has to write in a specific way.  Denelian Style.  WTF.  Both her father and I make a living writing in all capital letters, how the heck are we supposed to teach her how to specifically slant her lowercase letters, and add the proper length of tail?  By the way according to Dave I apparently have the proper “length of tail.”  I didn’t realize calligraphy was a common assignment for those who are 5. 

I guess that is it for now.  Back soon. 

La La La La.   La La La La.   Elmo’s World