Twas the night before Christmas

Well folks, it is a Christmas miracle.  We might just get a white Christmas after all.  I am happy about this even though there is the possibility Dave may be working tonight and tomorrow early.  We have a church that we plow.  So of course they get special exceptions on Christmas and Easter if it snows.  Maybe we will all pile in the truck with him, and hit up Starbucks since they are the only place open.  We can start a whole new family tradition.  We don't go a caroling we go a plowing and a shoveling.

The other day when I was trolling the world wide web I stumbled upon a Goop article.  The great Gwyneth suggests folding 1000 paper cranes for a friend who needs a wish this Christmas.  That must be some friend, since I have only ever seen this done at weddings and usually the whole family helps fold.  Sure it is non expensive but I am pretty convinced arthritis would set in on crane 999 and I wouldn't ever be able to move my fingers properly again.  But what the hell, she's right, at least it would be memorable.

This of course got me thinking of what other completely ridiculous Christmas gifts were out there that I would actually like to receive.  I am not talking about pajama jeans.  Although those jeans are pretty damn tempting for my lazy ass.  I am talking gifts no one would purchase for me.  Or maybe they would if the price was right!

1. And where does one go to shop for those Christmas gifts first?  Why straight to the Neiman Marcus Christmas Catalog of course. :)  Oh Neiman's how I miss having cookies and salads with my friends in your cafe as a young girl growing up at the mall in the early 90's in Texas.

Now what would a now Colorado girl like me find in the Catalog this year.  Designer shoes?   Nope, chickens of course.

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/christmasbook/fantasy.jsp?cid=CBF12_O5415&cidShots=m,a,b,c,z&r=cat24050744&rdesc=The%20Christmas%20Book&rparams=xpage%3D64&icid=O5415

HOLY SHIT!  Please just open the link.  There are no words to describe Chez Poulet.  For anyone who has had to actually shovel chicken shit and the shit of 1000 barn swallows freeloading out of a coop will wonder..... artwork and chandeliers?  And let us not forget that Svetlana will personally fly from Florida to do onsite visits.  Because God forbid, you forgot to add oyster shells to the feed for your precious chicky poos.  But seriously, for $100,0000 why the hell is delivery not included.

Anyway moving on.

2. Yes, I will admit it, I read 50 Shades of Gray and its 2 follow up novels.  I didn't love it, I pretty much wanted to slap Anastasia the whole time for being so naive.  I guess I have read way too many romance novels in my lifetime because it just didn't live up to its hype.  It was a bland romance and too light to be a porn novel.

So the next gift I found is not an S&M/bondage room to add on to the back of our house renovation, (Sorry honey!) but a book on tying up chickens.

http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Chicken-Parody-Cookbook/dp/0385345224

The reading in this has got to be better than 50 Shades of Gray, and I might actually get something out of it.  Because contrary to popular belief, I am pretty sure it is harder to truss a chicken vs someone to the bed post?  :)

3. I saw an infomercial for this next gift, and it peaked my interest enough to look into it.  Possibly because I thought it might come with Jillian Michaels instead of Svetlana yelling at my lazy ass to move it move it.  I guess that requires a trip to the Ranch for that to happen.  But finally, something with free shipping.

http://www.nordictrack.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Product_-1_10301_12401_59002_192669

This actually looks promising.  Not only can I run the hills in Switzerland thanks to GPS maps, me and my introverted self can do it all within the privacy of my own home at my embarassing slow ass 15 min. mile pace.

4. While we are on the subject of working out, I thought I would share this next present with you.  I might not actually use it to work out with though.  It is way too pretty.  I would put it in my living room and just stare at it and pretend I am a hard core poser.

http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/home-games/26523498.jsp

Oh my heavens!  I have wanted a stand up paddle board for a while.  Yes, I realize don't live near any ocean, and the closest lake was shut down last year due to high "bacteria" levels., (aka cow poop run off.)  But look at it.  My inner Gidget so needs this.  Once I figure out how to carry the damn thing that is.

5. And on the 12th day of Christmas my true love did NOT give this to me.

http://www.cartier.us/collections/jewelry/categories/bracelets/b6037615-juste-un-clou-bracelet

But I am pretty sure we might have some Timber Lok spikes in the job trailer leftover that we use to hold together raised garden beds with so Dave can make this for me.  My arm might turn green after wearing it, but according to Cartier it is "an expression of a rebellious nature and the reflection of self belief."  Perfect!

I hope y'all have a Merry Christmas and may Santa bring you peace, happiness, and all your wishes.

 

Tis the season

Because I am at a loss for words, (shocking I know.)  And because sometimes, some people just say it better then I can.  I thought I would include this link, because she has said it way better than I ever could have. http://thebigmamablog.com/13357/in-search-of-the-light/#comments

In the meantime I thought I would share with you some pictures of how we decorated our house for Xmas.  Note:  This is not a fancy house tour with gorgeous close ups of bowls of shiny fruit on the kitchen table and glitter in the bathroom.  It is a just an i phone glimpse into our clean and simple house the day the new museum executive director and collections curator came over to look at some of the old dairy equipment in the barn.

Please excuse the evil dingo dog eyes throughout.  I am pretty sure they are possessed, but it also seems they were interested in being in almost all of the photos no matter how hard I tried.

These photos are also a record for me of what my house looks like now before we dig a 900 sq. ft. hole 10 ft. deep next to it in Jan/Feb. More on that to come. ;)

This is also the closest we will get to a Christmas card this year folks.  Enjoy!

 
See.....It is possible for 4 people to live comfortable in only 900 sq. ft.  The 1 bathroom for all of us however is becoming a whole new problem entirely.  :)

May you have a Merry Christmas!

XOXO