Adventures in Babysitting

Today the girls and I took a field trip.  The library just wasn't cutting it anymore, and India needed a nap longer then 15 min., so when Dave had me call a wrecking salvage yard in Denver yesterday to see if they had a pair of wheels in stock, I jumped on the chance to drive down and pick them up.  He also needed a new wiring harness for a snow plow, and I figured what the hell lets get our Willy Wonka on and tour the candy factory while we are at it, since they are all literally within block of each other in the industrial part Denver.  I did have to explain to Calla that there were not going to be any Oompa Loompas at this candy factory because they were wintering in Cabo this time of the year getting a real tan not a fake orange one out of a bottle.  Nor would there be a waterfall of chocolate awaiting us as we walked in.  She was also told that if she was good on the trip down she could pick out a candy cane at the end of the tour.  And if she wasn't then she would be hanging with Veruca Salt.  Nuf said. 

Anywho, first stop on our field trip..... Crushers.   We input the address into my girlfriend Gigi who lives in the Garmin like a mini Tinkerbell, and we were off.  Gigi of course took us all over the place.  Past smoke stacks, and factories, over the river and finally we arrived at Crushers.  Well it is pretty much was what you would expect.  I made sure we hid the DVD player, the Gigi in the box, the i pod, and all tell tale charging cords and locked the door enough times to hear it beep and in we went.  After waiting in line behind Nacho (so not kidding!) from Nacho's Repair, I was able to talk to Bob.  Now if Santa Claus went on Biggest Looser and had Jillian Michaels yelling at him for about 6 weeks, then that would pretty much sum up Bob.  Bob kindly looked up where my wheels were being held and passed me off to Steve whom I talked to yesterday.  Now Steve had a lovely wavy long (to the mid back) blond ponytail coming off his mullet feathered top.  Calla said he looked like a boy Rapunzel.  All I could notice was his pinky nail was super long as he typed my order in and sent someone off to find them.  My guess was it is not for picking his nose. 

As I was waiting for my wheels and Nacho was waiting for his fuel pump, and this pompus overbearing foreign Dude walked in and started driving all of the nice people behind the counter nuts looking this up, or that up just to find a car door.  Finally Steve was able to pawn the Dude off to someone who would take him out to look at the door.  While he was waiting for the golf cart to pick him up, he looked at me and said "Now what is a nicely dressed lady doing with a baby and a kid in a wrecking yard?"  I simply told him as I shifted India to the other hip because Calla had pretty much crawled in between my legs at this point, "We are just running our errands."  My inner gangsta voice really wanted to respond to him "waitin on my dubs man,"  but I pretty much figured that would get my car keyed, so I just kept cool.  Dude responds back, "Do you take your kids everywhere with you?  This isn't normally a place a lady with kids hangs out on a Tuesday and why not try the Zoo, they might like it better?"  I just nodded and said, "They are well behaved enough to go everywhere I go and it is good experience for them to be around adults too."   At this point I was getting antsy because he was just so damn annoying and my inner smart ass was starting to wake up from her nap.  So before I knew it just to shut him up I looked point blank at him and calmly said, "Look, there are only 2 places my kids can't go with me, the bar, and the strip club.  The only reason they don't go is because their fake id's haven't been working really well lately!"  By this point Nacho had stopped talking to Rafael behind the counter, and was just staring at me.  Next thing I knew everyone started laughing hysterically.  All except the Dude.  Good thing his golf cart had just pulled up because he was made a fool of by a 5'2 chick with 2 babies in a wrecking yard, and he really didn't know how to deal.  I wish I could say he said something back, but he just walked out.  Inner smart ass went back to sleep and off we went with our wheels in search of a wiring harness for the plow, and a deep need for a sugar rush. 

The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful.  No more Dudes or even Oompa Loompas in sight, just sweet old Betty at the tour center door.  Calla wanted to ditch the candy tour after about 3 min. and we ducked out the side door and loaded up on handmade candy canes, suckers, and about a pound of caramel covered marshmallows.  A brief pit stop at Chick Fil A for lunch and she couldn't wait to get home so she take the wheels over to Ed at the CoOp with her Daddy.

My little muffin :)
If anyone would like to join us next Tues. I am thinking a field trip to a shooting range and lunch at a truck stop in WY for a hotdog and a movie is long overdue. Maybe India's fake id will work better across the state line. 

Adios Amigos.  Vaya con Dios!  

PS.  In case any of you were wondering, this is what my trunk looked like at the end of today.  Stroller, Gerber Sweet Potato Puffs, Bumbo seat for a friend, yoga mat, wiring harness, and wheels.  Mission accomplished!  The only thing missing was the large bag of candy.  I made sure it rode home in the front seat with me.  :)  

Wrecking havoc and then some

So, the last couple of nights I have gotten approx. 3-4 hrs of sleep total each night.  I don't do well on that little.  I need me some sleep people, otherwise I turn into Super Bitch.  Noticed I capitalized the letters, because she is one of those super heroes that teeters on the edge of good and evil, and deserves respect damn it!  :)  Anyway the reason I have had such little sleep is because everyone is snotting and hacking at all godforsaken hours of the night, and unless we start buying stock in Dimetapp, and Robitussin soon, I am done with the meds and allergy sprays. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and attempted to do something about it.  Here's the breakdown:

Amount of time it took me to deep clean dust and wipe the entire house down (except top of kitchen cabinets- too short, and mudroom -too muddy and exhausted) from ceiling to baseboards and cracks and blinds in between above and beyond what I do weekly = 6 hrs

Length of time after all was said and done it took India to grind a 1/2 eaten gummed up graham cracker into the floor and drag along a living room baseboard = 2 min. 

Bottle of Mrs. Meyers cleaner used = 1

Tube of Clorox wipes consumed = 1

# of Mr. Clean sponges and microfiber rags sacrificed = 5

Times I emptied the vacuum canister = 2

Amount of times I cursed God for living in the country with out of control dust and dog hair that builds up along carpet baseboards = 10

Amount of times I praised Jesus for the fact that I only have to clean a 900 sq . ft. house. = 15

Record number of times I sneezed in a row while cleaning = 6

Things that were broken in the process = 1

Hours of sleep I got Tues. night after everyone was tucked into their beds with visions of Sugar Plums dancing in their heads = 6

Ok, so more would have been nice, but hey, I will take what I can get these days. 

Just in case you were wondering what my children were doing while I was channeling my inner Ms. Hannigan.  Well....while Calla was playing her Leapster in a corner somewhere, India was up to no good in the bathroom.  Perhaps she got a lesson from Calla before hand. 

Calla @ 1 yr old


India @ 10 mo old


I guess the candy colored packages are just too cool to resist.  Too bad you aren't seeing the before pictures of the pads stuck to the tub, tampon in the mouth like a cigar and a sea of toilet paper.  I was laughing too hard I peed my pants.  Because folks that's what happens when you have 2 c-sections.   You think I would have learned.