Peacocks at Target and Stealing Pumpkins.

This weeks theme song will be brought to you via Los Straightjackets and the Munsters.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5D2q9LDxdOA

I could have conjured up Brobee from Yo Gabba Gabba singing "It's Halloween," but I love this more.

I am back from Texas and I must say it was an enjoyable trip.  One I can actually remember all of the details of for a change.  I guess that happens when you take your 2 kids with you.  Still sorting through all of the pics, so you will have to look at other pictures today instead.

We started the weekend with ballet of course.  Calla and I headed to the studio to take class and my parents picked up India to take her on their weekly jaunt of grocery shopping and to Sam's Club.  She loves this outing.  All of the old ladies handing out samples at the end of each aisle love her too.  She usually comes back to me stuffed full of all sorts of random samples of food and drink, and coupons for dog food and Preparation H.  However, this week the small child named after a large country decided she needed to be in costume because Nene and Papa would take her to get candy if she was in costume.  Digging though the bin churned up Alice in Wonderland.  Kind of sad she will be the last blond baby to wear this.

After meeting up with all of them after class for lunch at Mimi's, not only did my Mother manage to find candy, she found the Chick fil A baby cow, a petting zoo, and various other people dressed as Zombies.  Calla dug up Rapunzel.

Sunday we celebrated Dave's Mom's birthday at their annual leaf jump.  Just ignore grumpy pants.  She had a wonderful time actually.  

My Father in Law hid a bunch of mini pumpkins balls in amongst the leaves and the goal was to find all of them.  The kids had fun with their cousins, and kids from the neighborhood.  We gifted my Mother in Law a lump of coal from the Titanic wreck.  I'll explain in the Texas post later.  

After that, we hit up a local Nursery to score some pumpkins.  My kids were feeling deprived that it was almost Halloween and we didn't have any.  So with a 1/2 an hour left until their closing we quickly hopped out, grabbed some pumpkins, threw them in the truck and jetted.  Pretty sure we looked like a bunch of pumpkin thieves to everyone around us.  But the owner had already told us to come and pick put what ever we wanted.  And Lord knows I have more than paid for a brand new car full of pumpkins there this year.  

Back at home with our stash, everyone started carving outside until it was realized that the Cowboys were playing football on the tv inside.  Later on that night as the girls were brushing their teeth I found that drywall saw he was holding to carve the pumpkins sitting on the bathroom counter next to India and her toothbrush.  Must have been a good game.  

  

Twit and Twat love pumpkins.  Who wants to take bets on how long they last on the porch before Rusty gets bored and eats them candle and all like last year?

Scrounging around the fridge and freezer I found chicken broth, hominy, tomatoes, chicken, and green chilies.  So dumped it all into a pot added some onions and cumin and called it green chili chicken posole stew.

I also dumped a half a stick of butter in a pan with some pumpkin seeds and spices and toasted those bad boys up.

Then I ladled it all up with some cheese and fresh cilantro and tossed some pumpkin seeds on top.  Just call me Martha.  Currently, I don't have most basic ingredients in the pantry like sandwich bread to make the kids lunches, but I do randomly have all of the fixings for that concoction, a large bottle of fat free vanilla coffee creamer and 5 different jars of pickles.  Not to worry though.  I plan on shopping in my parent's pantry later today because I am not about to brave Sam's Club at 5 pm.

So, I am actually dressing up for Halloween this year.  I don't often do that other then say a witch's hat, but the girls talked me into it, and thanks to the clearance rack at Tarjay Boutique I am able to.  For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook and Pinterest, you know about my want lately for a peacock.  Sadly this did not come in my size, but I am pretty sure it will fit the Dip Shit Dingo Dog.   Oh Rusty Roo....Donde Esta?  Mommy has something for you.  ;)    

Hasta pepita!





  

And then this one time at the gym.........

Ok, So I showered at the gym today.  No big deal.  I usually don't.  I just head home afterwards, or go about my merry stinky way.  But since I needed to wash my hair and we have no shower I figured it was the most logical thing to do since I was already there, and what the hell.

Let me back up a step and explain why we have no shower.  Remember back in February when I bought tile for Valentine's Day?  Yeah, never installed it.  In fact, it has been sitting in my mud room on the counter since then.  Since we started working early because of the lack of snow, it sat.  Well last weekend we decided we were sick of looking at the huge pile of stuff sitting there.  So Saturday night after dinner, Dave and my Dad demoed the existing tile in the bathroom.

Yes, the electric box that my tv plugs into on the other side of the wall is right above the water.  Psshhhh.  That's nothing in this here old house.  When we moved in, my electric panel was over the sink.  Good thing my brother in law was an electrician at the time.   It's fixed correctly even though he is now a photojournalist for ABC and not an electrician.

They basically took everything down to the lathe, and tub only.

Our plan was to demo Saturday, and stick up some tile Sunday.  Yeah, right!  We had galvanized pipe in the tub and shower, so that needed to be replaced with some copper.  Me thinks this my be why my hair is orange? Naw, that is just me trying to be blond when I'm not really anymore.  Needless to say it is yucky.  The pipes, and my fro.  So the Boy Wonder got to work sweating some copper like it was a normal workday.  Only this time he doesn't have to do it someone's cramped and creepy crawl space.  Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.

Much better looking to have new pipes.  Well would you look there, another electrical box next to the plumbing.

Random shot of the Dingo dog sitting on the Toro Dingo.  He thought he was helping Dave but after he lit that torch, Rusty decided a seat on the Dingo away from the action was a better idea.  By the way, that Dingo is the best money I have ever spent.  The red one, not the freckled one, he was free.  

Now it is Friday, and while the tub is clean and works I needed to wash my hair.  My options were, A. Wash it in the sink, aka "whore's bath," as my friend Jessica calls it.  B. Head to my Parents which we have been doing.  or C. Just bathe at the gym.  What the heck, option C. it was. 

I packed everything I needed up last night including my new Clarisonic Mia and some flip flops.   

http://www.sephora.com/product/productDetail.jsp?skuId=1335355&productId=P285163&keyword=CLARISONIC%20Mia(TM)%20Skin%20Cleansing%20System%20-%20P285163&_requestid=84237

In case you don't know what this is click above.  It is essentially a Sonicare toothbrush for my face.  It uses sonic waves to clean the gunk out of my pores.  Let me tell you, my face must of been full of some serious crap, because it is mess right now.  I mean 16 yr. old hormonal hot mess.  

So after I got my workout on, I proceeded to grab everything I own out of the lockers and marched to the showers.  In the meantime, the water aerobic class had just let out, and the showers were suddenly super packed.  Two women in particular speaking Chinese were having a merry old time.  Their nonstop conversations could be heard halfway back to the pool.  Whatever, I couldn't understand them anyway, but it must have been exciting the way they were talking.  

Halfway though my shower I busted out the Mia and my face wash and went to town scrubbing my face.  Next thing I know they got quiet.  Now I know they didn't leave the shower area, but with as animated as these two were it seemed a bit odd.  Then they began whispering, and I hear a bunch of Chinese again, and then the word "vibrator."  Holy crap!   These women thought I had a vibrator in the shower at the gym!  I immediately shut it off and they began giggling and talking loud again.  Great!!!   

I seriously didn't realize how loud the Clarisonic was because I always use it in my own bathroom and think nothing of it.  I guess everything was amplified in that shower room.  And now I had to find a way to get out of the showers without them thinking it was me who had the sex toy in the shower.    

Soooo...Who wants to help tile the tub this weekend?  And why don't the Chinese have a word for Vibrator? 

Happy Friday.  You know where to find me on Saturday after ballet.  

XOXO.    

Some weddings pics perhaps?

Random fact # 1. - I used to be a wedding planner.  Some of you know this, a lot of you don't.  One of India's teachers at school who also happens to be my neighbor (I say neighbor but she lives about a mile up the road) is stressing out because her daughter is getting married next weekend and it is some big whoop de doo.  Now if you know where I live, the people around me are not whoop de doo kind of people.  Ok, maybe 2 miles up the road they are, but that is beside the point.  I casually mentioned the other day I knew all about big fancy weddings because I used to agonize over them and didn't have a Friday, Saturday or Sunday, to myself for a long time.  She asked if that is what my wedding to Dave was like, and I shook my head and said heck no!!!  Dave and I are definitely not whoop de doo kind of folks.  I always swore that when I got married it was going to be fun, lighthearted, and easy going.  There would be no big church wedding, hotel ballrooms, or fancy cars to drive off into the sunset in.  It just wasn't us.

So today with it being Friday, and a little bit more time on my hands, I thought I would have a little fun reminiscing about our wedding.  Some of you I didn't know back then, or some of you perhaps never saw our pictures because you live in a kingdom far far away.  So grab a bottle of wine, curl up on the couch, or play hooky from work and enjoy.

I knew from the first night I met Dave I would marry him.  Not sure why or how I knew.  I can't explain it, but I just did.  I would have married him that next day.  I was also not the type of person to sit around planning my wedding.  I didn't do this as a little girl either.  In fact after I was married, I had a hard time signing my new name because it was different.

Not our engagement pic.  We never took one!  Taken 1 month after dating in 1995. 

By the time Dave and I were married we had already been dating for 8 years, bought a house together, were running a business together.  People were beginning to wonder if we were ever going to get married.  When we finally decided to, we knew we wanted to get married at our house.  It had breathtaking Rocky Mountain views, 3 acres of peace and quiet farmland, apple trees to get married under, all ours, and all for free.  Don't worry, we did warn what neighbors we do have and sent over some treats.  :)

We even had 3 days of parties and trips ahead of time for those that were around and in town.  The morning of our wedding Dave and I woke up, ate breakfast, and got ready at our house just like everyday.  People started showing up and we all got ready together.  One of my bridesmaids did our hair and makeup on my bedroom floor.  There would be no big dress full of layers of tulle for me.  Seeing as I have spent half of my life dressed head to toe in the itchy stuff weddings are made of for ballet.  Nutcracker, Swan Lake, Giselle, Le Sylphide, etc. etc.  My dress was made out of silk, and we hemmed it Audrey Hepburn like short but left the train.  That way A. I would not trip over the damn thing, and B. it wouldn't get filthy.

The girls wore sundresses from J Crew, and the boys linen from Banana Republic.  Everyone wore flip flops or sandals.

Random Fact # 2 - My Dad and Mattie walked me down the aisle to the music from The Princess Bride.  My Dad was planned, the dog was not.

You can see how short my dress was here. 

Dave's Dad and a good friend of the family both stood watch over us as we were married.  It was traditional, yet unique to us.  Native American blessings were bestowed and butterflies were released.

We hired the chef from my Mom's hospital to cook the food.  Tom is now pretty famous down in Denver actually and is Italian.  Dave and I are not.  But a big delicious Tuscan country spread seemed fitting.  Classy, not trashy.

So we set up shop in our corral off the back of the barn with lots of umbrella tables in the dirt and made it nice and rustic.  Random Fact # 3. - We stored the ice for the drinks in the large stainless milk storage tank in the barn.

To me a good wedding has great food.  Honestly, no one cares about the centerpieces, or favors, but people remember the food.  And besides, who doesn't like tiramisu?

A friend had a bluegrass band, so they played, and other good friends helped out with the rest of the music, flowers, coordinating, and pictures.  Kids and dogs ran amuck, and there was no drama.  (At least that I know of?)

We kept it super low key, just like we wanted.  People drank, ate, danced, and had a grand old time.  Feasting and merriment was had by all.

Now a days you see so much out there on Pinterest and granted it was 9 years ago.  So yeah, there would have been some decorating things I would have liked to incorporate had I known about them.   But overall I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I hope y'all enjoyed the pictures.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Why not to take your child named India to a World Market store

Thanks to the great Quiche, (the girl not the tart,)  my dogs will be publicly shamed.  She uploaded their picture today and right now they have over 12,000 submissions so we were told to be patient.  Will keep checking back and let you know when twit and twat have their 3 seconds of fame.

In the meantime, I was half asleep and in a hurry this morning getting ready so I managed to only shave one armpit.  I of course found this out the hard way after I had already smeared deodorant all over it, making it even harder to shave.  So I left it and moved on.  Oh well, at least I am not doing anything today that involves lifting my arms over my head.  After all tomorrow is another day Scarlett.

I went to the grand opening of World Market in town today on accident.  I say on accident because I was headed to Sprouts to pick up a jicama.  Yes, a jicama.  Like you thought I was going to say something normal like an avocado?  Ok, I bought those too.  I am making a southwestern salad with black beans and a cilantro lime dressing tonight for dinner and children will eat jicama.  It is white, crunchy, and doesn't taste like anything.  That way I can say I was a good Mommy and made my kids eat their beans and veggies.  I tore the recipe out of a magazine at the Vet's office yesterday since I was there for so long with my unicorn dog.  Anyone else do this?  Please tell me I am not alone.

Anyway, thank goodness I have been to World Market before because it was nuts.  Like 50 people deep 45 min wait at the register nuts.  No thank you.  India got a balloon on the way out, and I decided I could return in 6 weeks once the hype has died down to pick up some Crunchy Biscoff Spread, (Holy Yum,) and Miso & Easy.  I call it "Me So Easy" because, well..... I am immature.  It is basically a squeezy bottle full of miso paste and spices.  You add water and tofu and bam....Miso Soup.  Healthier then ramen.  Sort of.  http://www.worldmarket.com/product/miso-and-easy-original-broth.do?sortby=ourPicks&from=Search

As for India, it is never without a good time with her.  See for those of you who have never been to a place such as World Market, it is basically a global market place that sells stuff from all over the world.   Kind of like Pier One.  A lot of it hailing from the large country the small child happens to share a name with.

While I was looking at some more knobs for the cabinets, she had disappeared down another aisle.  I made the mistake of calling out her name loudly looking for her.  (Yes, I was that Mom today.)  Basically making sure she had not brought down an entire display of pillows or candy.  People pretty much looked at me like I was a schitzo wandering the aisles in a super busy store that sells a bunch of stuff made in India yelling "India where are you?" "Come out come out where ever you are."  "Seriously India, quit hiding."  And to top it off while I was doing this, I did have one sales associate ask me if I needed help with anything.  Of course he did.  I hastily replied I was looking for India, and I was good.  Should have elaborated more, because that poor little college boy proceeded to tell me they had some bedding that was made in India, and that they also had a selection of Indian cuisine packets and sauces if I was interested.

I almost peed laughing, told him I was good, and scooted off quickly.  I had to find her fast because speaking of pee, we are in the thick of potty training and she had on "big girl" panties.  The only reason she disappears is to go poop in a corner somewhere.  Goodness knows that was all I needed to explain to someone.   Can you picture it?  "Wet cleanup on the India aisle please." Probably wouldn't sell much curry or chickpeas after that.  

Off to clean the house and make the salad with the jicama and avocado.  Too bad the only thing that sounds good right now is a piece of toast with that damn Biscoff Spread.  Oh well.....next time.  Preferably with Calla or by myself.

    

Dog Shaming

Do y'all know what dog shaming is?

www.dog-shaming.com

Oh my God!  So freakin funny.  Let me provide you with my own version of dog shaming.

So the sign says "I bit her ear and now I am pissed I can't get the cone off her head." - Dipshit Dingo Dog

 And now a little background.

Rusty and Mattie play.  Ok, actually Rusty plays and Mattie sits there and takes it.  She wrestles back sometimes, but with her being 10 years old and Rusty being 1 yr old, he can be kind of an idiot sometimes.  Ok, he is an idiot 95% of the time.

A week or 2 ago we noticed a small lump inside Mattie's ear.  It has been slightly swelling a bit each day to the size of a silver dollar and was starting to bug her.  So I took her to the vet today, and they told me it was a hematoma.  Which means she has a giant blood blister in her ear.  No big deal right?  Drain it and move on.  Wrong.  Muzzle her, drug her, shave her, drain the blister, give her prednisone, and an antibiotic, a compression bandage, a cone and 2 repeat checks to make sure it doesn't swell up again.  If it fills up with blood again, then she has to have minor surgery to stitch the layers back together.  Great......

Needless to say the Dipshit Dingo Dog is in a major timeout, and is now obsessed with that cone on Mattie's head.   He can't figure out for the life of him what it is, and why she has it on her head.  He also doesn't understand why he can't get it off.  So now I am stuck with a freak of a dingo dog who follows her around constantly.  Meanwhile Mattie just teeters around the house like a drunk sailor staring off into space.  Not sure what they gave her, but it is a damn shame they don't bottle it, and sell it at Target.  Poor Matilda.  :(

  

Something is missing......Oh yeah my brain.

Not sure if any of you are having issues adjusting to the new school schedule?  We are 3 weeks in and I am pretty sure Calla's new teacher and I are probably not going to be exchanging friendship bracelets or Pinterest inspired crayon wreaths and candy filled tumblers by the end of this year.  If someone can enlighten me as to how the hell I am supposed to teach a 1st grader how to spell the words "different" and "sometimes" for a spelling test when she is reading a Dick and Jane style book, it would be much appreciated.  The teacher sent home a list of 25 creative and different ways you can help your child spell.  Numbers 4 and 12 involved shaving cream and pudding.  Really....Are you freakin' kidding me?  And I suppose India is just supposed to sit by patiently in a corner twiddling her thumbs while Calla "neatly" spells the words "America is beautiful" on my kitchen table in chocolate pudding?  Yeah.... RIGHT!  

Not to mention the phone calls I have been getting from people who are like, "Oh Shit!  I just realized it is September and I have been dragging my feet all summer, but can you real quick install a 1000 sq. ft. paver patio in my backyard with a custom made pergola overtop and a stone fire pit and matching pizza oven before my mother in law shows up and realizes I haven't done anything with the place."  Of course they need it by next weekend, and can't understand why in heavens we can't build something like that in that short of amount of time.  

So.....last night I had wine for dinner.  Not with dinner, "for dinner."  Somebody "cough" Dave, decided to get a wild hair and wash all of the windows inside and out earlier that day.  While I did not partake in this project, I went on my own manic filled rage cleaning out cabinets, organizing all of our spices into cute Avery Martha Stewart labelled mini mason jars, and scrubbing all of the baseboards down in the house.   By the end I was too tired to make dinner and the family was just as happy eating edamame and leftovers, so I didn't bother eating myself.  Oh well.  I sure as heck won't starve.

In the meantime...... while I find my head, hide the chocolate pudding from my kids, and attempt not to kill any landscaping or maintenance clients, please enjoy these pictures from the last couple of weeks.

Girls playing nice:)

Twit and Twat not playing nice.  It always seems like such a good idea to bring them along beforehand.

CSU trial gardens.

"By your side" was supposed to be engraved into my wedding ring like Dave's, however it was too small.  So 9 years later I engraved it on myself for our anniversary.  Don't worry, the tattoo artist and I have already discussed options for a nice floral bracelet cover up if we get divorced.

Speaking of tattoos, this is not Dave's head, but it looks like it, and I peed my pants laughing when I saw 

this.  It says "HAIR!"

Gazpacho with steamed shrimp, cucumber and zucchini.  Thank you Pioneer Woman.  I don't even like tomatoes but I ate the crap out of this.  All of it.

Jessica harvesting honey at Liz and AJ's house with a hot knife.

We harvested 8 gallons of delicious honey.  I use the word "we" lightly.  Dave helped scrape in the 115 degree garage while I ate fritos and MouCO cheese under the misters on the umbrella.  

Rockies Game, thank you General Shale Brick for the tickets.

Random shiny forehead picture of me and the girls.  This was taken 2 min. before we ended up posing with a 6 ft. man dressed as a toothbrush on the Delta Dental sponsored jumbo tron tv you see in above picture.  The girls both had mouths full of M&M's.   

Riding bikes and scooters for Makena's birthday.  Obviously the 2 evil looking ones in tutus on the left belong to me. 

Friday night Smores at Horsetooth Reservoir.  Don't worry I had beer for dinner that night.  It goes better with the Smores.
 

Pretty sure the last time I checked, a reservoir was supposed to have water in it.   Oh well, anyone with a pair of metal detectors want to go for a walk?  

Manic rage spice cabinet organizing success.

 Anyone else not getting along with the kid's teacher this year?

What have you organized lately?

Next weekend we are finally tiling the bathroom.  When I say "we," I mean my Dad and Dave.  My sister left a 1/2 full bottle of whipped cream vodka last visit, which means I'll be ready to go for dinner on Sunday.  


 

The circle of life

I was going to post pictures about my anniversary but since I am a week late I might as well wait.

Thanks to some sort of messed up global warming fall is starting to come early around here.  The trees are starting to drop leaves about 2 weeks early because things are so hot and dry, and it is bringing out the worst in predatory animals as well.  The dead mice, bunnies, birds, wasps, hoards of grasshoppers, ants, and the funky beetles are nothing but a daily occurrence anymore.

However the nasty looking hawks stalking my chickens are starting to freak me out.  They circle above the coop and sit in the trees and even on the coop roof stalking them and daring them to come out.  My chickens are smart though, and have their own alarm system.  When one sees a hawk, it alerts the rest by squeaking and screeching loudly.  The next thing you know they all go running back into the coop.  So far today the chickens have been outside only once or twice.

Moving on to the snakes.  Like Indiana Jones, I hate snakes.  I have dreams where killer snakes come and eat me.  The movie Snakes on a Plane would terrify me so much, you would never get me on a plane again if I watched it.  Forget the Zombie apocalypse, I am preparing myself for a snake apocalypse.  Enter our friends the prairie rattlesnakes.  I realize that when you live on the prairie you get snakes.  Now I understand bull snakes.  They look like rattlesnakes, but are not venomous.  They just sort of go about their merry way eating the mice.  The f'n rattlesnakes though are even nastier then the hawks, and I can't handle them.  Why the hawks can't eat the snakes is beyond me.  Today while Dave and the employees were loading up they came across a baby rattlesnake hiding behind some equipment in the shop.  Only about a ft. long and 2 - 3 rattles.  Since all of my employees are farm or ranch kids they get excited about this kind of crap and throw the dead bodies in the back of their pickups to take home.  Fine with me.  Just don't ask me to go get anything out of that building for awhile.

And for the 3rd predator of the day, the Jehovah's Witnesses showed up again.  I of course told them all sorts of lies while my dipshit dingo dog turned into Kujo.  All the while I was on the phone with my irrigation supply distributor who was laughing his ass off in the background at my excuses and told me I was going to Hell.  Thanks.  I am thinking that next time I might hang some of the dead carcasses around here on the front door.  That might make them go away, because the no soliciting, trespassing sign ain't working' folks.

So, as a result I have declared Monday i.e. Labor Day purge day.

Not to be confused with Sunday which is binge and purge day.  Binge and purge day usually occurs after my first company ballet class back after a long summer break.  On Saturday I will squeeze my hiney butt and mommy gut into tights and a leotard.  I will have an awful class because I am old, and will then spend the better half of the class wondering why I am torturing myself, but will push myself anyway jumping around like I am 18.  This will result in me having trouble getting out of bed on Sunday because I am so sore.  And while I am on this downward spiral I will most likely make a huge Pioneer Woman meets Paula Deen inspired breakfast to make myself feel better.  After I binge on all the yummy food, I will remember how I got myself into this situation in the first place and start to feel bad, and remind myself that I need to get it together.  Then I will spend the remainder of the day purging all of the cabinets of bad food and making meal plans that involve kale, peas, rice, and spray butter.  My family loves me during this time let me just tell you.  It's ok, I know I have issues.

Anyway, back to Monday.  On Monday we will purge.  Purge all sort of crap where the snakes can hide.  Wood piles, piles of materials, etc.  I will probably purge a bunch of stuff in the basement too. Hopefully by doing so we can encourage all of the critters to find another home and just go away.

Because I can't handle all this hawk in the tree, and the snake in the shop, and the mouse in the barn, and the missionary on the porch, green grass grows all around and around crap is starting to wear a bit on me.

Any predators hanging out at your house?  They can be animal or your creepy neighbor you pick. :)

XOXO