Home again home again jiggity jiggity

To market to market to buy a fat pig.  In my case I went to the Pike Place Market bought some sausages and came home the fat pig. Not from the sausages but the red velvet cupcakes. 

Oh Pike Place how I miss you already. $10 flower bouquets full of spring flowers and cherry blossom branches. $10 seriously ........

Ok, in case y'all were wondering if I ever made it home from Seattle because I have been gone so long from the blog..... I did.  I have just been going balls to the walls since we got back.  Did you enjoy the travel emails between my parents and myself from England?  I just couldn't help myself.  :)

Anyway I did make it to WA and home w/out too many mishaps.  I say not too many because this is my kids and I we are talking about.  It turns out the small child named after a 3rd world country did make it through security ok.  Sort of......

It was Calla who started things off by crying when the TSA agent asked her her name.  This is the kid who still hides in between my legs if you say hi and tell her you like her tutu.  And here is the very official TSA agent asking her her name to see if she is supposed to be with me or not.  Um, did you not get your daily dose of caffine this morning.  Come on, she is my mini me dude.  Good thing India's name wasn't on a ticket.  It just said Inf. 

So here we are schleping and stripping our way through security, and get behind a nice Dad like figure who helps us push our stuff in the buckets down the belt.  Cool.  All the while I am slowly undressing India and praying to Budda they don't make me take the pacifier out of her mouth to get scanned.  It's plastic and stuffed in her mouth, and besides what the hell could I hide in it anyway?  I am so not kidding when I say no sooner do we watch all of the stuff go through the xray and Calla is through the scanner does India decide to puke right in the middle of the floor, and all over the xray belt.  Nothing like hearing over a TSA agent's radio, "we are going to need to get a wet cleanup on lane 4?" Needless to say by this point Calla is starting to freak out a little bit because they won't let her go back through the scanner to get to us, so I just left the milk puke all over the floor and scurried my butt though the scanner before a level 10 mermaid freak out took place with Calla, and India puked again.  Who cares if everyone was looking at me expecting me to clean it up.  I wasn't about to stick around.  In case you were wondering, mermaid freak outs are the kind that involve flailing, and are so not fun at 6 am.  

We only had one more puke episode on the plane and I was covered there, because I had a blanket and Calla couldn't decide if she had to go to the bathroom or not so we were up and down and up and down.  Get up try and go, nope... back to the seat.  Rinse and repeat 5 more times.  I had to make sure I switched bathrooms each time because India kept pulling out all of the Kleenex and paper towels while she was sitting in the sink waiting.   Have you ever tried to poop on a plane?  Kind of sucks, so I don't blame her.  This is why I book an aisle seat and not a window. 

Things truly didn't get fun until the flight attendant spilled a 1/2 a can of Pepsi in my lap while she was pouring it for the person in front me.  So glad I wore the skinny jeans.  It was at this point I found myself turning into a 5 yr old and muttering to myself...."Are we f*ing there yet!?" 

Lets just say it was a good thing I was meeting my sister on the other end and not the Pope, because it was only 10am and I had a super sticky crotch and smelled like milk puke.  Whatever, that didn't stop me from changing my shirt in the car so we could head off to the land of Swedish Meatballs. 

I am not sure why I didn't take more pictures for y'all.  There were plenty of opportunities, I just kept missing them because we were so busy wrangling 4 kids and making sure we didn't leave anyone behind.  Sorry.  Some of the cutest ones we took were of all of them in the tub at the end of the day.  Those went to Grandma.  Jon did take some good pictures of the kids.  This is why he is the professional and not me.  We did the typical things like run around downtown Seattle, play at the Children's Museum, and shop.  We had a nice dinner with Dave's Aunt, Uncle and Cousin.  Love them!!!!  I'll use the excuse it was raining as to why I didn't take a picture of us after dinner. 

Goldilocks and baby bear

Doing a construction project at the museum

Anywhoo, the plane ride home was uneventful which was good.  India slept for 40 min or so, and I paid $8 for Calla to watch Tangled again.  It was the only way I could keep her still because she was so excited to see Dave and eat TCBY when he picked us up. 

All in all it was a good trip and I can't wait to go back. Calla misses her cousins already and besides I need some more stories to tell.  

Be sure and check in later this week.  My out of order favorite things post will be all about gardening.  Because that is what I am all consumed with these days.  Other peoples and mine. 

SWAK!
Cara

De Plane De Plane Boss

As I write this, I am on hold with Frontier Airlines for approx 46 min.  So I apologize if this post is a bit long.  What else can I do?  They have put some sort of hold on my reservation and won't let me check in online.  Just to make things that much more fun travelling with a 1 yr old and 5 yr old by myself, I now have to stand in line at 6 am.   Perhaps they have put my infant lap baby on that "special list," because I named her after a foreign country far far away.  I am so not kidding.  They seriously have a special list.  I know this because my Dad was on it, and had to write all sorts of letters to Homeland Security to prove that he wasn't some sort of terrorist.  I guess it doesn't matter if your name is India or Bob. We didn't have this issue with her at Christmas when we went to Disney.  Maybe it was because we were flying with George Clooney and she has her own special Secret Agent Super Spy Batline to call because she flies so damn much and has a gazillion frequent flier miles so they are super duper nice to her.

Whatever...... I need a break.  For example, last week at the Gyno for my annual I was asked by some random Nurse before my appointment if I was there for another pregnancy.  Um, unless Jesus had something to do with it ...nope.  My longtime Nurse Donna saw the whole thing go down, and stopped me just short of my usual smart assed "No just fat" comment.  She wisked me off before my BP could get any higher, even skipping the weigh in process because she knew it would just make things worse.  After 10 min or so of calming down- BP 126 over 80.  :)  It just sucks because I have lost 7 lbs the hard way in the last month and I was feeling all good in my yoga booty pants. 

So I am taking the two stinky children for a visit to the the land of rain, Starbucks and Nordstroms.  First stop after getting off the plane....... Ikea of course.  So excited.  Can't wait for the one here to open soon.  Love me some big blue and yellow box store.  Where else can you dump your child for an hour to play while you shop for 500 tea lights for $1 and eat meatballs and chocolate cake.  If Ikea sold clothes it would be all over.  I would just move into one of the model bedroom units for the weekend, and camp out.  Hum...clogs anyone?  We do have other things planned besides shopping.  I think?????  I plan on stuffing my belly full of some fresh sushi, and Calla plans to play till she drops.

In honor of our upcoming trip where I will wait in line for an hour to check in with my 2 children who will be cranky because it will be super early and McDonalds is on the other side of Security, I am posting on "Favorite Things Tuesday," all of the things I can't live without while travelling with kids.  Now I understand this part of the blog doesn't mean a fig to some of you who may not have kids.  Or have kids that can take themselves to the bathroom on a plane unassisted, while you actually get to read Us Weekly and drink a Bloody Mary at 8 am.  So sorry.  Check back next week.  Not sure what "Favorite Things Tuesday" might be just yet, but I promise it won't be about steak knives or duvet covers from Ikea.   Although it is tempting. :) By the way I am not including pictures.  Just click the links.  It is late and I am still on hold.    

Here we go:

JuJu Be Be Quick - Those of you who know me well know I have a serious bag problem.  JuJuBe's are some of my favorites, because the company and its people are so cool.  The Be Quicks work for tons of things from diapers and wipes, to a bag to hold chargers, socks, makeup or coupons.   Everyone needs like 10.  http://www.shopjujube.com/Product.aspx?l=00040005000000000000&p=JJB01237

Car seat bag - Best use of Babies R Us gift card.  Seriously.  Car seats go free on a plane, and when you stuff the travel bag full of diapers, and extra purchases from Ikea for your office under the car seats and zip er up, then they also fly under the radar for free.  http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3091046.  Forget the ones with wheels.  More to break and I have had this one for 5 yrs now. 

Maclaren Volo Stroller - Best stroller to travel with.  Turns on a dime, really lightweight, folds up super small, has a carrying strap, and storage basket.  Had mine for 4 yrs, and it is still going strong.  The B.O.B. is not easy to travel with and this one is great.  A bit pricier then an el cheepo one, but I haven't replaced it yet.  I don't remember paying that much for mine, and I also may have used a trade in coupon too. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4316463

Ergo carrier - When I don't take a stroller I take the Ergo.  I have back and shoulder issues and this carrier doesn't hurt, and can be worn front or back.  It also fits great if you have a short or long torso.  Besides I like how it makes me look like a crunchy mom who knits, makes her own peanut butter, and knows what to do with Royal Jelly and Vitamin B 12.  I have an older style one, but seeing as they change the design every year, older is relative. 
http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/

100 things for small children to do on a trip cards - These things are great as long as you pack a backup dry erase marker.  Because without fail your younger child will either loose the lid, or eat the tip off the marker.  These will keep a 5 yr old entertained for while.  http://www.amazon.com/Things-Little-Children-Activity-Cards/dp/0794521223/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top/180-8563123-0998239

Skip Hop Pronto - Portable changer.  Turns any bag into a diaper bag.  Love this thing.  Nuff said.  http://www.skiphop.com/product/202000.html

Some of the other things not worth looking up that I can't live without also are:

Food -  Duh.  Most importantly candy. ie. Haribo gummy bears.  - We buy these by the 3 lb bag bag at my house.  (Yes, I am aware this is a problem like the bags.)  Orange Tic Tacs also work well for potty bribes when you and your 2 kids are shoved into an airplane bathroom, and one is refusing to poop while the other sits in the sink pulling out all of the Kleenex and maxi pads because there is no where else to sit.  You can't exactly leave them in the row by themselves, because in the event of an emergency landing how would they open the exit door and engage the blow up slide.  Now what the hell is Octomom supposed to do when she flies?    

Some form of electronic equipment. - An ipod / pad to watch movies play apps, a travel dvd player, a leapster, or a Nintendo DS.  Now before you send CPS after me, I like electronic things.  They have a place, and this is one of them.  Besides if the batteries last long enough then you might just get down to business with the Us Weekly figuring out why the Bachelor has anger management issues and can't get his shit straight. 

Ok that's it.  Gotta get up at 4:30 am to shower and go on a witch hunt to find the birth certificate for my blond haired blue eyed baby who is named after a foreign country, and isn't allowed on the plane.       

Namaste :) 
-Cara

These are a few of my favorite things *UPDATED W/ MORE BLOGS*

"Raindrops on roses, feathers on chickens, bright Creuset kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages from UPS, these are a few of my favorite things."  -Me :)

Hi there.  Happy Fat Tuesday!  I am sitting on my hands fighting all urges to head to Whole Paycheck and pick up a King Cake for dessert while watching Glee.  Because I know it will most likely end up being Fat Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday around here until the damn thing is gone.  By the way while setting up Dave's phone I came across a Catholic Cheet Sheet App.  Now where the heck was this when I was in CCD as a child struggling to remember all the different Saints, Apostles, and Stations of the Cross.  Now you just press a button and up comes the Hail Mary or the Apostle's Creed.  Brilliant. 

Anyway I thought I would start a blog Series.  I guess that is what you are supposed to do when you write a blog.  It gets people used to expecting things from you on a more regular basis.  I however have a hard time with commitment because I get bored easily (Go ADD) so we will see how I fare.  I figure if I am writing about my favorite things I like it will be easier.  This could range from mascara and tampons to coffee makers and tomato seeds.  The possibilites are endless.  Kind of like Consumer Reports, only if your vacuum breaks please don't contact me.

At the request of my friend Kesha I thought I would start with some of my favorite blogs.  These are the ones who I read on a regular basis and get inspiration from.  Some are design based, some are family based, and some make no sense at all, but each let me escape my little life for a 1/2 an hour each day while catching a glimpse at how other people live.

Design Blogs
http://www.mysweetsavannah.blogspot.com/
http://www.fernandfeather.com/
http://www.thefarmchicks.typepad.com/
www.jeanneoliverdesigns.com/blog/
http://www.blissfulbblog.com/
http://www.purestylehome.blogspot.com/

Lifestyle Blogs
http://www.raisingcolorado.com/
http://www.twentysixpointtwoormore.blogspot.com/
http://www.weelicious.com/
http://www.momswithapps.com/
www.thestir.cafemom.com/column/shes_still_got_it
http://www.thepioneerwoman.com/
http://www.coolmompicks.com/
http://www.koautism.blogspot.com/  (this one is written by a dear friend of mine about her precious son.  Her writing is incredible!) 

And these.....These are the ones that you can get lost in all of their different sections for hours.
http://www.simplemom.net/   -make sure you check out simple kids, food, and gardeneing too
http://www.fitsugar.com/   - this is my guilty pleasure because you can do pop sugar for a celeb fix, lil sugar, casa sugar.
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ - because when you live in a small house you need ideas, and I love how all over the world no two people have the exact same house inside.  Also the food, and tech sections are great too. 

A lot of these I found by clicking on the links of blogs that people follow.  There is usually a side bar.  I have all of mine in my favoites menu on the computer, but will probably end up with them on here eventually.  It is a neverending cycle. You can sit up all night searching links on someone's blog and then searching the links on the other blog.  It's enough to drive you bonkers. 

And of course when I am feeling randy.....www.peopleofwalmart.com   

I would love to hear about some of the blogs you follow. 

Off to find me some rum for a Hurricane for dinner. 

XOXO, Cara

We had babies!!!

Ok, so we had chicken babies.  Sorry to inform you, but no more human babies will spring from my loins.  Now that I think about it, my babies actually didn't spring from my loins, they were sort of yanked from my gut. Anyway, moving on........

The chicken babies actually came from the feed store in a cardboard horse shampoo box with holes poked in the side from scissors.  If you think I have enough time on my hands to nurture and pamper a bunch of pregnant hens, then one would also assume I have enough time and energy to do my dishes.  Ha!  Yeah right.  Aren't they cute? 

The little red one in the front is named Camilla.  More for Gonzo the Muppet's chicken, then Prince Charles' wife.  Yes, I know she isn't white like Gonzo's chicken, but when have we ever been conventional.

The two on the right are Gertrude and Penelope.  They will lay the green and blue eggs the color of my kitchen and mud room walls. 

The silver one on the left is Olivia II.  The Chupacabra came and got Olivia I, so I promised Calla we would name this one Olivia II. 

The tiny yellow one in the back is Buttercup.  She will actually be the fat ass of the group, laying jumbo size eggs. 

One of these days we will have enough eggs for Calla to sell to some of our friends and neighbors.  Kind of like the "Homegirls."  If you are wondering who the "Homegirls" are they are not the newest group started by P. Diddy for an MTV reality show.  They would be the Girl Scouts.  See Calla knows that in normal neighborhoods the Girl Scouts deliver cookies to the doors of people's homes.  So she calls them "Homegirls."  We however have to stock up on Thin Mints outside of Walgreens because the "Homegirls" don't come knocking on our door.  But hey it is a small price to pay because the Jehovah's Witnesses don't come a knocking either. 

India loves her chicken babies.  She just sits in the mud room looking.   And then points and tells us all about them. 

Yes, I know her face is filthy.  No need to freak out.  It is just the blueberry Nutri Grain bar she ate 2 min before I took the picture.  We have a metal mesh cover that goes overtop of the tub, so they can't jump out, and India can't jump in.  They will live in the mudroom until they are big enough to fend for themselves in the coop and it is warmer outside.  The chickens, not India.  Although on some days I am tempted :)

In the meantime, I am off to self medicate my tired body with lots of caffine and attempt to get some work done so we can enjoy this beautiful weather.  Between the peeping from the mudroom, and Calla hacking all night, I didn't get much sleep. 

By the way in case you were keeping track.  Final score = Dave/1  Girls/15

Hasta,
The crazy chicken lady. 

Why do all Elementary schools look like prisons?

Hi all, hope you are having a good week.  It is snowing buckets here and I am watching India dump approx. 50 pieces of plastic Ikea silverware on the ground, lick each one, and then put them back in the cabinet.  It keeps her happy for 5 min or so while I write this. 

This week I registered Calla for Elementary school.  Please don't remind me that "Wow she is off to kindergarten already."  I know, and it just depresses me.  Not because she is a big girl and headed to school, but because I have a 5 yr old and I am starting to get wrinkles, and brown spots.  It is a good thing I surround myself with people who ask questions like, "Where she will be going to school in the Fall?" They fill me in when I look at them clueless and remark about how we don't have to worry about that until July.  Evidently you register you kid in Jan or Feb not July.  I guess this is to allow for lotteries and school of choice and so on and so forth.  Um ok........so after digging around on the internet and calling to make sure my address was on "the list" we filled out the appropriate paper work and are now waiting for the lottery to take place to make sure she is accepted into full day Kindergarten.  All of this makes no sense to me, because she is going to the public school she is supposed to that my taxes are paying for, and I need her in full day kindergarten.  Why the hell does there need to be a lottery for those of us "in the district on the list?" 

Whatever.....But it was the paperwork that just killed me.  A huge packet I at least had sense enough to pick up a week before instead of filling it out there.  I found her birth cert., and she is now due for so many shots just to get into the school you would think she was headed to Africa for a month.  Some of the questions on the paperwork just sent me over the edge, and I had all I could do to answer them to the best of my knowledge, and not smart assed. 

For example:  Question # 2 - Did I have high Blood Pressure while giving birth?  Why yes, it was out the roof, but that really isn't any of their business, because she is fine. 

Question # 4 - Weight?  Um, Mine or hers? Because we are so not going there. 

Question # 7  - When did she talk in complete sentences, and  # 8 - Sit up unassisted?  Lordy, I have enough trouble remembering if she brushed her teeth this morning or not, let alone when she talked in complete sentences 4 yrs ago.

Question # 11 - Wanted to know if she can tie her own shoes?  Hello don't you teach them that in Kindergarten?  Besides her tennis shoes, everything these days has velcro, is an Ugg, or a Croc.  

Question # 13 - Does she have hearing problems?  Only when she doesn't feel like listening to me.

My personal favorite Question # 20 - Does your child have frequent complaints?  I almost peed myself with this one and literally had all I could do to write n/a in the blank, because seriously she is 5.  What 5 yr old do you know that doesn't have "frequent complaints" like 30-40 times a day. 

We also had to sign a liability waiver saying she agrees not to use the school computers to Skype, shop for firearms, shoes, handbags, or anything pornographic.  She can't IM, or email her BFF Becky about her boyfriend Jimmy on her mobile device.  She actually signed her name on this form because they wanted the student to make the pledge. 

On the bus waiver they wanted to make sure she she knew she couldn't ride the bus with said mobile device while chewing gum, smoking a cigarette or drinking a beer.  She could however sit next to her BFF Becky, but can't have any PDA with her boyfriend Jimmy, or Becky for that matter. 

I have to have the driver's cell phone number with me, and if she doesn't plan on riding the bus because we live on a "rural route" I have to call and reschedule. 

The last form said if the weather was bad, and busses weren't running they needed to know what the plan was.  One would assume someone would come and pick up the Kindergartener.  But the last line option to check was - My student will drive home.  Of course, she will.  Preferably while text messaging her BFF Becky about sneaking out with Jimmy later and smoking a cigarette with an open container of beer.

Have a great weekend!
 
XOXO, Me :)

PS. For those of you who don't know about BFF Becky, just You Tube Allstate Mayhem commercial and it will all make sense.

I'mmmmm Baaaack!

Hi there,  Did ya miss me?   I missed you all.  We have been here recovering from the flu, attending various events and getting our "you know what" together in order to start the Spring work season.  Good times. 

I have decided that I need to make some changes around here.  Some spring cleaning of sorts.  Instead of writing one hella long post once every week or two, I thought I would try shorter posts more often, say 2 or 3 times a week.  This way you can read the blog and then get on with your bad self.   Because Lord knows as we come out of our winter cocoons like Lady Gaga, I am going to have a lot to talk about. 

I thought I should inform you India has decided that today is the day she would like to mark on the calendar as the day she chose to start walking.  Now Calla, she did the take a couple of steps and fall, pick self up take a couple of steps, repeat etc. etc. like I would assume most kids do.  Nope not Wonder Baby.  Homegirl, just picked herself up and walked across the house from room to room with a Whole Foods shopping bag filling it full of crap and dragging it along as she went.  Unassisted.  Um ok......  This kind of freaks me out for obvious reasons.  1. my credit cards are in some serious danger when she gets older and 2. just what else is she storing up ready to burst out with as any given time?  I know if I spend money on that "Your Baby Can Read" dvd then she won't say a word, only to bust out with a sonnet from Shakespeare or something when she is damn good and ready.  Clearly I am not the one in control here. 

I also just realized I never followed up about Little Debbie and Valentines Day.  No, I did not cave and eat a box.  However, why didn't anyone tell me that when your kid has a party at school, it doesn't mean come and enjoy cookies and punch while you sit on your butt and admire how cute each other kids are???  It actually means come and volunteer for 2 hrs with your 1 yr old demon child at various tables involving chocolate frosting, and uber sticky homemade play doh.  I was asked multiple times by children if I had a baby in my tummy.  "Nope, sorry sweethearts, just fat."  I was called Mrs. Lady because for some reason Cara was too hard to remember, and "Mrs. Doiley" is just not as funny to me as it is to a bunch of 4 yr olds.  I broke a stapler.  India ate a glue stick, and managed to destroy an entire roll of scotch tape.  I now understand why all the other mommies sent in their best Martha Stewart sugar cookie hearts with Jolly Ranchers melted in the inside to resemble glass, and were nowhere in sight.  By the way when I asked the kid whose mom made the cookies what she was making out of her play doh I was half expecting her to say some random zoo animal.  No, she was making rum balls and truffles.  Well now...... the birthday party at her house this weekend should be fun.  Needless to say I won't be volunteering again anytime soon.  It just isn't my cup of tea.  Especially when one of the kids taps you on the back and says, "Mrs. Lady...your baby stinks."  Party Over! 

Hasta Manana. 

The Misadventures of Little Debbie and Friends

Well thanks to the new count every calorie eating disorder app I recently downloaded onto my phone, I am keeping track of everything I am eating and exercising.  This is good, because it makes me aware of how much is going into the old pie hole, and believe me it ain't pie. 

I do how however feel like I am being held hostage again by the Captain Crunch and his slutty girlfriend Little Debbie.  It seems that Debbie convinced the good Captain that he needed to trade in his ship for the winter and they are now rollin in a pimped out RV, complete with a fireplace. 

Knowing that Valentine's day was just around the corner they decided to stop in and check on things and see if they could offer any of their services.  Now when Debbie opened the door to the RV dressed in animal print jeggings, platform cha cha shoes, fake fur lined jacket, and sporting a Snookie poof, I was pretty hesitant, but she had me at "buy one box of valentine's treats get one free for $1.50."  The Captain explained that making rice krispy treats for Calla's class wasn't going to work because Snap, Crackle and Pop were vacationing with the Keebler Elves in Palm Springs for the week, so store bought cookies were out of the question as well. 

I tried to put them off, and mentioned that my good friend the Quaker man and his new wife Hersey were coming by later to help me make some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from a recipe they found at their homestead the Tollhouse and I should be good.  But Debbie honed in on my weak spot while swigging her scotch on the rocks and played the kid card.  She knew how overwhelmed I was feeling with work junk, and knew that the new Nanny / French housekeeper Yoplait was not starting until March 1st.  So naturally how would I find the time to make cookies if I were so busy with work that India and Calla were stuck watching Elmo videos and playing with their pet Goldfish and dog Frito by themselves again.  She also told me that she knew her Italian Grandmother Stouffer and Uncle Chef Boyardee came to stay last week while everyone was too sick to cook, so what is the harm? 

Well I caved and let her into the mud room only, and that 20 kids = exactly 2 boxes of snack cakes.   Nothing left over for me.  That was the plan until Calla reminded me that her teachers need valentines too.  For the love, can't we just give them a card and call it good.  Nope not for Miss Perfect.  So before Debbie and the Captain pulled up wheels and headed out to find their next victim, they left me with another box for the teachers.  Just in case I was tempted to let that hussy Betty Crocker and her pimp Duncan Hines in to make cupcakes instead.  And would you take a look there.  After you portion out the cakes for the teachers there are 2 packages left.  Staring at me everytime I leave the house.  UGH!!!!  So far so good, but like I said before I am being held hostage by these stupid cakes.  Guess it is time for a trip to visit my Nuritionist/Therapist Kashi.  She always knows what to do in these situations.  Wish me luck! 

Make sure you check back next week when the effects of the Thera Flu have worn off, the taxes are finally at the Accountant's office, and we are back to our somewhat normal selves.  In the meantime turn up the volume on your computer and enjoy the Valentine's playlist.  

XOXO, Cara